My Maîtresse
by MyCrtr
Summary: A story based on Love Live! School Idol Project, 5th of the series, that explores secrecy of the protagonist: Umi Sonoda and Eli Ayase. Suffering and challenges ahead of Eli that she must face, believing her love for Umi is set against her favour, and fighting destiny would be better.
1. Foreword

My Maîtresse was written on intention to expand the storyline of Love Live! from previous works of the series, being the 5th book and counting. The story arch continues the relationship between Eli Ayase and Umi Sonoda, involving those who are close to them that may have affected the main characters to go down the road they are now.

The story is written in 7 chapters, just like _The Girl who Sails the Seven Seas_ , by Eli alone. The storyline of this book takes place throughout time from the beginning to the most recent, across other books as well.

The purpose of this book is to show the hidden secrets of Eli and how she came to being the girl Umi loves, to also explore the big argument that leads the main characters to distant as suggested in the series.


	2. SpoilersAuthor's Edit

The fifth book of the series is finally here! Now that the progress has been seen, it is time to show the secrets of their relationship, involvement of _third persons_ in any typical relationship that just strengthens their bond stronger, or would it? As a continuation of other works, this book has similar theme and concept, just that its explores more on certain parts mentioned in others.

Some references are still made in this book, with unique chapter naming, from other books and popular culture. By now the Easter eggs should pile up quite nicely, and it would be exciting if some of you could name them as there are many taken from movies, books, and internet.

Novel!

I have always adored the open-ending of stories, but I do love to tell them too. Interpretations and alterations of this story are welcome (it's my story let people know about it). Just be sure to tag or mention, as I would like to read other versions!

– My


	3. I Am Umi's Gnawing Little Jealousy

**I Am Umi's Gnawing Little Jealousy**

Chapter 1

 **...**

 **I** n Otonokizaka since my time as a second-year student, during my administration as the head council there was a student of the most eager, or to accurately put: personified and desirous than any other I had met. She was not at all stubborn but rather prudent at first sight and return with more persistent. A kind one and had adopted a great sense of idealism towards a perfect student. A girl whom I would admire. The name of this timid girl will not be mentioned here, as it would ring Umi's deepest corners of jealousy.

She was a girl of modesty and I would have given a personal letter of reference to call her prompt and diligent – for that would be one of the highest honours one could receive from me. In her first-year when this all started, she was one of the girls who'd gained their popularity just within a month purely from her talent in art and her fetching looks, that I could admit she was as well pretty. With the rest of my friends, seniors too, in the art club she was there, and I heard their stories. She kept herself away from acquiring any impudence. She had my attention.

The prodigal girl was at league with Umi for the position to be the first-years' _Best Girl_ , a game the seniors still had in play – though I longed for ending the tradition I was a former champion myself, and I would like to see and eventually pitch in for how Umi would dominate that race. With Umi, the two were in different classes, not a neighbouring one too, and their circle of friends didn't seem to overlap so much so convinced me to believe they were arch-rivals. But no, they knew each other as far as name-and-class basis; they first met when they both came to see me at my locker (from opposite directions), that even I stood silent ought to see how it would turn out. They were both skilful at their own interests, master of their own beauties, and as far as I knew at the top of their studies. That was the most important. But again, only one had a ring that dominates the other.

A girl has her own physical characteristics, but if I were to compare, she was shorter than Umi. She had a light, golden brown hair that ended on her shoulders and parted to the side with a cowlick to her right still uncovering the hazel green-tinted eyes. She liked it when she had even number of hair pins on both sides. Her facial features like her chin and jaw was of the same width as Umi's but her nose was narrow. She had studded ears around like mine but not as many. Like Umi, she kept her back straight and maintained that rather formal stance and figure twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Unlike Umi, her breasts were larger and her hips was wider too, but not by much. I didn't mind her figure, but they do make her stand out. Then her voice was on the other end of spectrum of a Umi's too.

They were truly in some sort of competition, but they were never on par.

Then one day, almost at the end of a long week, on a Wednesday, before the sun could even get to its prime of the day, she came to me and confessed in form of a letter. She held it high, she held it firmly, but she hadn't held herself together. Despite the boast I had been praising she was nervous and she was shy, so rude that she would rather look at her feet than mine, but I understood the situation and I was not surprised by it. Many made the same mistake, of the few who came to me in person. This was her first confession, after all.

She was already at school that time of day, a rather peculiar time for a student to be at if she hadn't had similar intentions or perhaps council matters like I was, or just a regular habit like Umi's. There was a task I meant to take care of, a general club report to be handed to the president that I intended to start early that day because it was to be handed by the end of the week. Before I could do all those I planned, the girl stood near the lockers with an envelope in her hand, she wasn't leaning on mine since I could get to it to transfer my books for the third and fourth period. With it she approached me.

'This is for you, senpai,' she said as she handed me the envelope. The material had a soft roughness unlike common paper but like a filter paper, rather expensive from the looks of it, and not at all heavy as I took it with a smile and thanks. It was not sealed. "For Eli-senpai" written in calligraphy with gradient from denim to dodger blue and then I thought to myself of how in every language possible that my favourite colour could leak and be passed around in those ridiculous gossips and rumours.

'Do you mind if I read it now, in front of you?' I asked her, and in shyness and unexpectedly surprised, for both parties, she nodded with a blush.

So, I opened the flap and took the paper inside. Carefully too I unfolded it. Like the envelope, the paper was fine, and it released a scent as I held it open, a hint of lime and rosemary blossom maybe a pinch of cinnamon – she had her exact copy of perfume on it. Then I read the letter of confession; her first ever confession. It was written in kanji and in blank ink with her own calligraphy-equivalent style, but it was still second to Umi's normal handwriting. An extraordinary effort she had pulled to write and prepare this letter and I should respect it as much; and like other confessions I didn't let a word-for-word content to slip out of my tongue, and carefully not to let it be spoken before Umi.

In it she complimented me and expressed how she noticed from time to time. Nothing new about me she mentioned that I already knew, but she highlighted the ones she found appealing, even stressed on some of them. However, nothing new about how one would see me once or twice a day, every day, that pointed out how I was. She was generous, not too much, polite too. She was good, she took me by surprise at certain parts and made me laugh – but that was a key to behave in front of her, in front of anyone with a heart in their speech or writing, to respect it as a part of your own and giving it attention for it might be a minute for you as it could be a life-time memory and joy for them. When I finished it, I folded it back.

'That's a very sweet letter,' I said. 'Thank you for your courage to write it and giving it to me. I truly appreciate it.' I kept the letter with me. A simple thanks for her would be enough to keep her uplifted to make her day, but to complement and acknowledge their bravery might keep her well-spirited throughout the week.

'So, senpai,' she responded, 'what is your answer?'

An immediate answer was something I could not do, a _yes_ or a _no_ wouldn't be as simple, and it was not like a toss of a coin either. 'Then ask me,' I demanded. 'What about you ask me, to what answer you want me to give. I want to hear you say it.' I kept her on her toes, raised that blood-pressure every few seconds to give her another chance if she were to do this in person; a direct approach for a direct response. She was willing to face me, she should have come prepared.

Through her mouth she flared and with her nose she took a breath. She darted her eyes at me and lowered her hands. And there she stood unshaken by my dare and was unchallenged. 'Will you go out with me, senpai? Will you take my hand for yours to date?' she asked. 'I really love you.' With eyes and voice of confidence she successfully granted what I asked. She was as serious as in her letter, and she was indeed the person behind the letter.

'Then I'm glad that you do. It's not easy to say that in person and in that level of determination, isn't it?' I put the letter back to its envelop to preserve that scent still tracing. As long as I was already with the owner of this perfume, this was fine. I looked at the girl who stood firm to listen. 'If I may ask, is this your first time asking someone to be your lover? You look awfully nervous.'

'It is, senpai,' she said with a chuckle and in her best effort not to ruin what I asked. Her breath was noticeable and so did the movement of her breasts. She was rather quiet than how she usually was, whenever we talked twice a week that month alone – and as so did everybody else that confessions would change a lot about them to their very core.

'I imagine your sleep wasn't that well last night.'

'For three days, actually. I've been holding this feeling for so long, senpai.' She looked away. 'But last Friday, I saw you visit…'

'The art club while you were painting,' I interrupted. 'I noticed; I saw your work too, it's very nice. Is that when you decided to do this?'

Astonished before her ruddy complexion started to thicken. 'Over Sunday, yes… I mean, when you came in, I realised you're the only person I wanted to be with. Seeing you visit, made me want to replay over and over, I want to see you every day and probably spending a lot of time too.' She began to cringe again, that it seemed to say what she wrote was too much for her. ' _A painter's art is at best when they are in love_. But if you do accept me, I promise I will love you forever, senpai.' She repeated her solid promise in her letter. 'I promise!'

'That's a bold pledge you're making, even written too. It could be used against you if you don't keep it, you know.'

'But I will. That ink is permanent, so are my feelings. I'm a person who keeps their promise, or I'd die trying. Let me show it to you how serious I am.' Three times the girl promised.

I looked at my watch and it was in no doubt well passed the time I planned to start my work. It wouldn't be productive either if I were to start then, but I wouldn't be the person that I was if I were to stop the girl where she was with a straight answer, because it wasn't in my morale to do so. It was never in my nature. The report I may as well just start during lunch perhaps after school if I had to. If I were to make time, the priority was for the girl in front of me.

'How much money do you have with you?' I asked and dug my own pocket as she immediately did too, realising too late that I may came off as a bully.

'Um, about ¥500,' she said when she scattered the cash and the coins on her palm.

'Do you need that to go somewhere after school or maybe for lunch?' I asked while I dug out about 500 myself from mine.

'No. I'm walking home straight after and I packed my lunch for today. Why do you ask?'

'Alright. Then how about we go to the vending machine?' I closed my locker and locked it leaving out the other letters piled in my locker to be where they were while I brought along hers. 'I could use myself a little coffee to keep up with today.'

There were two vending machines in our school, one by the principal's and teacher's common room where, by that time, few teachers would had taken their coffee and there was a commonly shared corridor for the second years. Meanwhile the other was by the courtyard, pass the tree and through the open corridor where the benches were, close to the arts and craft storage room and would less likely be touched only by lunch time – as the head council it was my personal obligation to know these. I chose the latter.

As we stood in front of the vending machines, looking at displayed containers as if we were in the zoo, I asked her favourite and it was the honey iced tea. I hated that because it was too sweet for my tooth and I wouldn't be able to finish it for the day – I admitted that I may needed sugar for my work but sugar rush was not what I needed today. I told her about the milk soda I occasionally enjoy from time to time when I wanted to feel refreshed, one which she disliked as she preferred melon soda instead. Finally, I asked about her type of coffee she favoured because that was what we were going for. She picked up her hot latte and I picked my mocha to enjoy on the bench.

There we spent some time to get to know each other, more than I had already known: she was the eldest of the three siblings who set an excellent example for her brother and sister, she tutored a couple of grade schoolers with four other friends (whose names were all colourful, except for one), she was saving money and part-timing to buy an anniversary present for her parents, she's helpless at cooking, she loved gardening and painting her own flowers, she would snort when she couldn't control her laughter (that was unintentional and was on the spot, poor girl), she was not excellent in business and accounting and barely keeping up on science which I could dominate easily, she drew manga as a secondary hobby wishing if I could model to be one of her characters, she preferred elder and mature than younger because how her parents brought her up and that she was already independent that it was only natural to look for me, the perfect candidate. And we talked a lot more.

By then we barely had any left in our cans and she was more relaxed compared to when she handed that letter. And there she sat scratching her can in her hand.

'How far are you going for me,' I began, 'would you skip class for me? Would you waste your prestige just to make me happy?' I tested.

'That is all I wanted to do, senpai,' she answered without hesitation.

'And just like that, you would agree?'

'Yes!' Her enthusiastic answer with her body turned into a real confession, but face met with a little disappointment. 'Of course, I will do it for you, senpai. I've set sail and I will not turn around or abandon ship, just because I face a small storm.'

'I'm sorry,' I said as I took her can from her hands. I disposed them to the bin that was closer to me and returned. 'I won't let you skip class because of me.'

'I…' she stammered. 'I'm sorry, senpai. But what do you mean?'

'You're a strong and respected individual, even I think highly of you. You're the type of person I trust immediately.' I turned my body slightly to her after she nodded. 'For more than a year,' I continued, 'I've sacrificed a lot of my time and my energy and my sleep, so behaviours you walked yourself into could be prevented. Not the confession but misbehaving at school. The school's morale will be at risk if you skip your class. Say I entrust you with a position at the council, then if you love someone, there's a risk of you skipping and slacking. Students who adores you may follow your behaviour if they knew.'

'Is that so?'

'I'm sorry that I lead you to answer that.' I turned feeling guilty. 'But that was your conscious that answered me. And deep inside you said you are willing to skip a class to meet someone you love. I do not like it, hurt me a little. You see, you are a good student and I've seen your paintings – they're really delightful and I liked them, unique too that I can easily spot it's yours among others, maybe one day I can have one of them. I asked your teacher and you have good grades.' I stopped for a chuckled before I continued, 'it seems that I'm a bit curious about you too, I've done my research. But are you so willing to sacrifice that to get into trouble? You have a potential to get a scholarship into art school – I shouldn't be spoiling that either, but we were considering taking in some sponsors for you, a few for your other friends as well. Though you still have a choice. Love is mutual respect and fairness between two individuals. I can't say that what we have right now is something called love. But imagine if I'd said yes when you gave me this letter, and only now I found out that you are willing to skip classes just for me. As much as I appreciate it, actually I'm a hopeless romantic and would be so touch by your actions, it would hurt me at the same time. You promised three times that you would love me if I said yes, but it wouldn't be fair to you if you found out about me that you didn't like.'

'And what if I change for you?' She counter-offered.

'That's a possibility if you are willing to do it for the rest of your life; that's the span of your promise. What if you were in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you as much, are you willing to spend a life-time on a one-way street? _Change_ may not come off as a good point in a relationship, but _evolving_ might. I can understand and respect your commitment, changing yourself would put much effect on me too. But a very sweet one too.'

The girl was silent. She couldn't reply me for the least a hum. She did look away in disappointment biting her lip, or rather a realisation of the fact, but she looked at me again, with a bit more guilt I felt myself.

'What I'm trying to say is that I can't answer your confession with a yes today,' I continued. 'It's because we have not known each other quite well. Right now, I see you are willing to do anything just to make us work, to make me in status of relationship with you. That's no problem at all, and that would be the to-go move at almost every relationship. But I can't do that to you: I don't like it if there are surprises coming our way that I may not be comfortable with, I'm sure you do too. I'm not saying that you are a bad choice for me or that I suspect you are hiding something bad. It may appear that down the road we change, or evolve, but we just unfolding things about ourselves. And that's why I said your commitment was very bold, to promise accepting one's past or habit, even I'm not capable of doing that.'

'It seems that you already know what to expect on a relationship, senpai,' she finally said and with a smile. 'Or maybe you have a bad ending to a story; it is not my place to put my nose. You see, senpai, this is why you are the perfect person that my parents would immediately approve. But you are half correct. It is my first confession after all, my first time feeling this way about someone. Not once I checked my own morals about what I would do nor say. There are other girls who confessed to me, and now I realised how far you are of a better person than I am and ever will be. Basically, a vicious cycle of heartbreaks, for what it's worth. There are still a lot of things I needed to learn. But as I said, the only other half, I think you can't expect so much from someone, senpai. I have next to zero experience but say, for the sake of my analogy, I am of whom you would say yes to. I'm not sure that we would be at equal. What I'm saying is that, in my opinion, your love for someone is everything offered on the table, while mine could settle for only half the meal; the rest is what I have to settle for: the curiosity, the belief, and the trust. That's to have faith and trying for the best together, leaping to the unknown. As you said, evolve, or to my term adapt.'

'That was nice. I'm glad you see it that way.'

'I have grown to love secrecy. It seems to be the one thing that can make modern life mysterious or marvellous to us. The commonest thing is delightful if only one hides it.'

I slid closer and looked at the envelop in my hand. 'Thank you for sharing your thoughts about me. I can't say that I'm that perfect of a candidate for you either, after today. There are flaws that I am aware of, that some you reminded me too. And I try to make the change.'

'You have my consent. I am not a person who agrees with the " _you are perfect the way you are"_ fiction either. I think if the common, the society, permits it, you are fine. It has become popular these days, what we have become are not so accepted and we would complain for them not accepting. People in general do not really accept drastic changes, they are comfortable with the current things. But things become common or current throughout stable changes, that is if you involve tradition and reason. But it's all a giant loop, and that's when fear comes in. Each side of the change fears the other, and there is no in between, except if you are none of the other.'

'How about fate?'

'Can't you tell?' The girl smiled. 'Of course, I don't.'

'Do you, now?'

'I believe free will is just the answer to that. Our own choices and action reflect, one's miracle is another's coincidence. I do believe in God, and I see that you do too, senpai. Maybe, He does have a plan for us, called fate, but it is up to us to stay or stray; so maybe that's destiny. So I'm thinking… I can control my destiny, but not my fate. Destiny means there are opportunities to turn right or left, but fate is a one-way and express. I believe we all have the choice as to whether we fulfil our destiny, but our fate is sealed. So, if there is a fate, or someone who keeps check of my destiny, a future out there that leads me to you, I sure hell would try to stay on that path.'

And that gave me a smile.

'The world is complicated as it is,' she continued, 'and even if people think God works in mysterious ways, I'd like to think God works in simpler ways. Why would one control anything and everything there is in existence even if they had the capability to do it? Create few simple rules and let the whole universe simulate itself. And of those few I believe are: _Cause and effect_ and _freewill_. But it is all ironic and paradoxical, I can't go to any people with these thoughts.'

'Both sides of the same coin would not accept you. Sometimes people forget to go basic, everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.'

'Exactly, Eli-senpai. They fear of change, yet they don't see the point of evolving.'

'Before you go home today, I want you to check your locker. I haven't replied this.' I held the envelope with both of my hands.

The girl jumped and in excitement spun before me and landed to face me. 'You don't have to. I understood everything you have said, and you had basically replied everything in that letter. Besides, I wouldn't be able to move on if I had your letter, senpai. You don't have to give yourself the trouble.' She looked at her watch on her right wrist. 'I'm sorry, but it looks like I have to go, our philosophical chat got carried far away. You said yourself that this type of behaviour is what you liked. So, if you would excuse me, senpai, I will be going to my homeroom. I'm not letting my love be the fall of my grades.'

Impressed I was until I couldn't even get the chance to reply. She shone brighter than how I saw her before this day and continued from that moment on. It was an unfamiliar feeling to me, wondering if this was a blinding love?

Since I was not to mention about her any further than this point in the story, I shall take a few sentences to tell the portion of her days. That day and since, she smiled as purely and laughed openly like never before, to the point she snorted in the hallway once which actually made some girls fall for her and recognised it to be a cute side of her. She had become lively and even skipped her steps whenever she became overjoyed and was alone, but she kept her straight and elegant posture otherwise. Her drawings became more meaningful to her and increased her diligence into them, so much it gained her great compliments from teachers and a mention from the director too. Her manga became popular at school with the new one she started, based on our lives and I adored the main character she drew based off me, though I was the only one to know this. One day I tracked down her friends and told them about the talented artist's wish and we bought together a present, not even for her birthday nor for Christmas, a Wacom tablet. It was state-of-the-art at the time. Because of this she became overwhelmed and cried, though I was not there to give the present personally, I let her closest friends do the task – I knew she would cry and I'm always been weak around a crying girl. Few days after that she came to me personally, just like this day, to thank me and would like to buy me another can of mocha for a long discussion. And by the tree she confessed again. As it turned out, her feelings for me hadn't gone for even a drop, for the most part and always kept returning when I checked on her and at her club. She had matured since, but I still couldn't say yes to her. Just like this day, she took it positively and cheerfully as she left. A few months after her second confession, I along with some teachers obtained a few offered scholarships for her to apply, she got news that she was accepted by one and would immediately start as soon as she graduated from Otonokizaka for as long as she kept her end of the terms provided by the agency. By that time, I had become the student council president. As much as she wanted to help and join, I didn't recommend her to become a main member of the council as it would be time consuming, and I needed a full commitment coming from my council. But I did recommend her to be the president of the art club, and she was an excellent one for two years. For that one year under my admission she was always there during club meetings with the council. Apparently, we saw each other more often as she moved to a closer neighbourhood. Not too long, she confessed for the third time as she walked me to my house after a date. She had to leave that night without the answer she hoped for – I packed her an umbrella in case it would rain. Then we became quite distant after I graduated, as both of us were busy with our own studies. For two years that was, but we never lost contact, that we checked on each other for every three months and few calls as well. She was doing great at her school and even found someone to be with – an ex-mentor to one of the subjects she previously took. Sadly though, that didn't last long, and she came to me to cry during her holidays because most of her friends studied abroad. We got close again. She had grown her hair long. She still had the tablet after all those years, though it no longer worked properly and outdated long ago; but she kept it as a memoir. Her sister took over the art club at Otonokizaka and had adopted the same number of studs as I had and kept it as so. Before she graduated from her art school, she confessed to me for the fourth time at dinner, and that she wanted an answer after her ceremony. So, I came to congratulate even to her party, but with not the answer she was again hoping for on her big night. She had removed some of her studs leaving only half of total. It was at a game and music company she got her first job, as an associate story and character designer working in a team. With her first pay check she invited me along with some of her friends who returned to celebrate (except the colourless). It was the first time I had seen her drunk, probably her first time ever, and I helped her get home. It was because of the character she designed when she drew her manga that she improved and used it as her chariot to few promotions. She helped me with design at my own work, willingly and freely knowing at the time I was in financial difficulty and late to eventually paid her. By then she still has not known about my relationship, and so did a lot of people, majority of the world too. Nothing she knew was stopping her to confess for her fifth time, which only then I eventually told her I couldn't be with her. I was afraid she might possibly had lost her faith and with it the only meaning that she could make of life. But I was wrong, as she stood happy for my relationship, and would continue to pray for me. And I never seen her gave less of a smile since.

But it took me so long to tell her after all those years, because I was constantly in fear. There was nothing wrong when I told µ's. She was no different, I trusted her as much as the eight. I never quite understood why I kept my silence, but I knew I never wanted to lose her. Maybe because I was afraid I would stop seeing her if I did. If this were true, she was right to call me selfish.

Sometimes I wondered, whenever I meet people whether I knew them as close as I was with this girl or as distant with a pass-by stranger, when would I see them for the last time that I couldn't even tell until it would have already been too late. And for that sole reason I cherish every moment I spent with someone, with anyone, so that the last memory of me or of them would be the best memory for both sides. But was that the same reason I had for this girl?

Before all that future or fate could lay before her nose (our noses), the girl turned around and took a step leaving the shade, before she froze to twirl again back at me. She still had her smile but seemed to forget something, something she had to say, 'before you forget me, Eli-senpai, if we ever meet again, remind me how much I love you. Good-bye.'

She turned and left me speechless.

...

At the end of the last class for the day, students were on their curricular activities with their clubs, while others left for home. Meanwhile I spent my time, even my lunch, to work at the student council room. I had just reached the tenth page and I was getting tired that I was sure I had drifted off somewhere up the line, so I wrote a reminder to check two to three paragraphs above, or even a page if I were willing, before I had to resume the report the next time I touch it. What I needed was to get some air, thinking I might as well check on the clubs for it was my duty that day.

Somehow, though that was not my usual routine, I had to take the stairs at the eastern end. This landed me near the dojo where I saw the door half opened. Luckily that I took that set because someone shouldn't be using it today. I could barely hear any noise from where I stood, by the door. It was not like the club president to had left it unlocked, for it must had been a serious clumsy mistake for someone I trust. So, I removed my shoes and entered to check. There was indeed an activity however, but it was from the adjoining dojo.

A girl in her spare gear stood with her bow so concentrated, so focused on her target, so relaxed yet persistent to shoot that arrow. And she hit her mark, but not close to her usual bullseye. It didn't seem like her uniform had anything to do with it, or probably the humidity or temperature and wind direction, as it would for a sniper as herself. Usually, and most definitely, I would scold a student for not having a permit to use a locked facility outside their timeslot. But it was Umi. I waited, as she had a few arrows left in her quiver I let her finish.

I walked over to front dojo without disturbing her as so much as a creak on the wooden panels and sat by the wall. There I heard nothing except the sound made by Umi's arrows and when they hit, so at peace and tranquil, that I fell asleep right there. A busy day I had gone through, beguiled as if I were asleep on my own bed, or even at my grandmother's mattress in Russia. Babies don't even sleep that well.

When I felt like my dream was about to end – a dream where I was being hunted down by Umi just because I was wearing a fox ear headband – I woke up with a blurry vision slowly coming back to me. I finally closed my mouth did not expecting I was drooling and wiped it off. My eyes were still lazy. And only after I had un-tilted my head I realised I was resting on Umi's shoulder.

'Umi!' I made a distance. I wiped my mouth again with a handkerchief and quickly fixed my hair. Without any other response she only lifted her finger and Umi closed her book – it was mine, one that we exchanged on our first date.

'Good morning, senpai,' she said so flamboyantly as she turned her head. 'You looked so tired.'

'Don't "good morning" me, Umi!' I said while I still made sure I wasn't drooling anymore. 'If you saw me asleep, wake me up! No, wait, that's not important. You shouldn't be using this facility outside club hours, Umi. You can get in trouble for that.'

'Is that why you stood guard near the door? I heard you coming twenty minutes ago and… I heard you sleeping so I checked.'

'W-what?! N-no!' I stuttered – only she could make me trip on my own speech and colour my face. 'I was afraid I might disturb you. Now I'm embarrassed because you saw me asleep, which I didn't give you the slightest permission to do.' I pushed myself back to lean against the wall as I created more gap between us. To honestly admit, I could in my sleep mumble nonsense or even embarrassing truth if I fell into deep slumber just like that nap, as I would rather had her hear me snore. I concluded slightly whispering, 'you're in trouble for two things now.' Then there we sat in silence after she had her laugh.

'Senpai,' she continued after we hit a pause, 'is it true what I heard today, what everyone said today?'

'What did everyone say, Umi?'

She took a second to look at me before she threw her face away with heavy thoughts in her complexion. 'They were saying that you finally accepted a girl who confessed to you. You-know who. She is quite attractive, I'm not surprised for your decision.'

I looked at the girl who seemed so down by what she had to say. With the book in her hand she flipped through quickly by the edges, angrily and was jealous. 'They talked a lot, don't they?' I asked and got nods as her reply. 'How does it make you feel, Umi?'

'It's nothing, senpai, forget it.'

'It's one thing that you don't want to look at me, but it's another thing if you lied to me.'

'It's just… I'm a little bit, envious. I kept wondering if you had a date with her like the one we had, or probably more, that she got an advantage, and accepted. I came here to blow off some steam.'

'Then you will be relieved, Umi,' I said while I moved closer to her until I couldn't make another step before I started kicking her back, lightly tugging on her uniform by the arm. 'That rumour isn't true.' Umi turned her head until I saw her burning eyes. 'I don't know why people are assuming it. Because didn't say yes to her confession.'

'But the other girls knew she confessed and when she returned she was happy and was smiling. She wouldn't share what you were talking about, since it was hers to remember, but by her reaction everyone just congratulated her… even the girls from my class.'

'That's what you girls based your assumptions on?' I rested my chin on my knees. 'I thought we talked about things like that over the phone, Umi. I had already warned you about girls confessing to me, and soon you too. And it's just not like me if I just say no on the spot. I mean, I could, it would be simpler, and I wouldn't have to waste my time either. But you know that I don't do that. Besides, didn't I say to you that I'm happy with what we have?'

'I know,' she responded. 'I'm sorry, senpai. I got a little paranoid.'

'You have nothing to worry about.' I stood reaching my hands to help up Umi. I fixed my skirt only after she got up. 'I am like this to return her bravery on confessing. A rejection, depending on the girl, could ruin the rest of her week, who knows how she might behave. But if I do this…' I fixed Umi's tie just little bit, 'tonight's dinner and tomorrow's breakfast would taste better than ours.'

Because Umi had to end her session quickly, I watched her shoot few more arrows to her heart's content. Her stern face made me adore her and every time she hit her mark my heart burned warmer. I watched her rest the bow into the case back in place, taking care of it as one of her own, and I imagined how she would take care of my heart if she ever confessed.

By then I had already forgotten that I had to kick Umi out of the dojo but we took our time anyway until she changed. Just as she was packed, and we were about to leave, Umi stopped.

'Senpai,' she called before I could get to the door, 'I'm… I'm ready to read my book.'

'So, are you ready?' I turned and tucked my hair. She had me on read. 'Are you about to finish my book too?'

'Actually, no. I was kind of scared by the story. B-but don't get me wrong, I still want to read it, senpai. I just…'

'Come on, Umi,' I said after I giggled and took a step closer. 'Be confident. Ask me out properly.'

She took a breath tightened her grip on her bag, so silent. 'W-will you go out with me?'

'Say it one more time, Umi.'

'Will you go on another date, Eli-senpai?'

'See, that wasn't so hard.' I grabbed her by the wrists and helped her show her red smear from ear to ear. 'Yes, Umi, I will go on a date with you. Tell me the details when you have them, alright?'

After she had calmed down we gathered ourselves after Umi had her share of complaints about herself; I didn't want to be rude, so I just nodded. We locked the door to the dojo and took it with her as it would be her duty to take it to the club president. I walked her around the school until the gates.

'Be careful out there, Umi,' I said. 'Just because I said yes to you, don't take your mind off the road. It's just a date. I'll talk to you later, maybe at night again.'

'Sure. Let me know when you're not so busy for a call. I'll be going then, see you, Eli-senpai.' She waved and walked away.

I stood there still until she crossed the road, until she disappeared into the horizon of the long stairs. Spontaneously I burst into flames and immediately I squatted down and palmed my cheeks that were so warm. I muffled my own scream by keeping my mouth shut and biting my own lips. _What is wrong with you, Eli?!_ I never stumbled so much because of one person and I never been so nervous in front of anyone. Only then I could express my pure shock and blush when she accidentally asked me to be her girlfriend. I tapped and lightly slapped on my own cheeks to shake Umi off my head and to get myself together again.

Then it sparked as I realised I hadn't done my duty to check on other club activities for the evening. For a second I was relieved because I had at least visited the dojo, but I fell to the ground as I realised there wasn't supposed to be any activity there, thus redundant, and I had no time left to report about the rest as students started to leave school.

And just then, the girl, the one who properly confessed, rang my phone but I missed it. So, I called back.

'I heard the council will be busy for the next few weeks, and I am calling to wish you luck – unless you're not a believer of that too. Anyway, thank you for today, I really enjoyed talking with you. If you ever needed someone to talk philosophy with or things alike, you know how to find me. There's one thing, that I wasn't sure of until now, to write on that letter, so I made a follow-up. Please read it and I hope it will clear some things for you. My siblings need me, though for sure not cooking! I have to go, be safe and be well, Eli-senpai. Good bye.'

In that letter when I went to pick it up only said, "When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance."

'Geez.' I pressed my forehead against the door of my locker, barely holding on. 'I have not made a mistake… I have not!'

...

...

...

What is my fate?


	4. I Am Umi's Sense of Order

**I Am Umi's Sense of Order**

Chapter 2

 **...**

 **A** t home I was alone. My younger sister, Ayase Alisa, was still in Russia as she was just starting her middle school before again she had to follow her elder sister, not only with trends and favourites she followed me but also habits and preferences such like clothing and music, but she wished to follow me one last time to study at the same place. Because since forever I never had shared a time together with her in middle nor I would in high school. And my parents went on their own business trip at different parts of the world, which was alright, as I knew their love for me and Alisa could never be compared, and I understood sometimes their businesses are their own – sometimes I was afraid to call them as I might feel as nuisance though they never thought so. So, at home, I was alone and that scared me.

One of those fears that haunt my mental intuition was just how much everything out there in the world that I did not know nor could control. The dark for instance. Silences too… Just where could Umi possibly be in times of need?

I had finished my homework and had done fifty percent of my assignment that was due the following week and had planned my work for the next day – though I knew I would probably finish the other half by the last minute before its due – and I had packed for school. But that night I couldn't watch my TV because I had forgotten to turn on the lights to my corridor, I thought I might as well stay in my room until morning. But there was nothing much else to do there. The book I was reading, _Full Dark, No Stars_ was just backwards creepy and that would make things worse if I had continued. I would had picked another but they were with the rest on the shelf, in the living room, no. I could had snacked on some chips or maybe Pocky sticks, in the kitchen because my private stash was emptied within the minute I restocked, no. My laptop had died from the movies I had been playing and the charger I left about the dining table, no. Second round of shower, no. I couldn't sleep early either as I had jugged on my last coffee. I may as well, while I was at it, clean my room but my phone was fully charged.

Out of desperation, because normally I wouldn't be the first to request, I laid on my bed and texted Umi if she were available for a call.

Umi and I would have night calls almost once a day like an overly attached couple at the beginning of their dating period, only that we were not. We were exclusive. But we were not dating. It's probably because we were still shy about one another and were just too big for our heads that we didn't want to admit it; she was just awful at hiding her blush. Often our calls went two-hours long and afterwards Umi would just stall the conversation if she could to the point that she started to mumble about things she could find in her room; like towels, colour of her wall and her sliding door, slippers, leather, light bulbs, electrical sockets, etcetera. She was just adorable. But our night talks were limited only to voice calls as it was too early for us to video chat, and I would be insecure about how I looked in front of her and I would spend too much time dressing up to impress Umi that she might fell asleep before I could even get half ready. But the voice calls were pleasant enough, I couldn't see her blush but for a good reason she couldn't see mine either. This was because she often flirted without realising it, saying that she better talked to me than watching the TV, which girl wouldn't be embarrassed by the sentimental statement from a such a lovely girl. But as embarrassed as I was, so childishly like a kid, I didn't feel lonely and I wasn't thinking about the dark corridor behind my locked door. _Why weren't we dating?_

Before I could set my phone down, or even read a reply, Umi called with her photo filled my screen which I secretly took as she chewed on her snack a few dates after she asked me out. So, I greeted her as our common tradition.

'Good morning, Umi.' Although the monsters beyond that door knew it was night!

...

The morning after our call, another one that had me buried my face in my pillows and scream after she said, "good night, Eli-senpai," made me fluster and took me a little longer to get to school. As late as I was it was still at my preference because as I walked through the corridors there were still no students and even the sun wasn't doing a great job lighting the sky. It was just my habit to come early and be prepared for at least I had time if I had forgotten a homework or a council work to be done that day; and I hated to admit, but if I were still sleepy I could snooze for a good 10 to 20 minutes in the locked council room rather than in class; and I had a good record for keeping it that to myself. But I had always enjoyed the quiet ambience of the school, the very place I came to love to preserve, my precious castle. It's mine to rule no one else. As I stood in front just passed the gates I felt like the princess of that castle, but still without a throne to share with.

As I walked up the main stairs I heard the heels from the top floor as she made her way down, and I recognised those heels as she was the only person wearing them in school, and they belonged to Principal Minami. It was Tuesday, because she was wearing her black shirt coated with her usual pearl white blazer, a regular meet she would be having during the day with the higher-ups. We met on the second floor.

'Good morning, principal Minami,' I greeted. 'You're very early today.'

'Good morning, Eli, I mean Ayase-san.' she replied. 'You're here early yourself. You look as busy as committed as ever. You should relax, take your time off, or meet someone.'

'You don't have to worry. _Let perseverance to finish its work, so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything_. Until my task is done I will not slumber, ma'am, and that's for another two years.'

'But _if you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything_. And until you found someone who makes you laugh, you just have to put up a smile.'

'I will surely find someone of my destiny on the road I took to avoid it anyway.'

'That's nice. Who said that?'

'Jean de La Fontaine.'

'Quote me another one next time, though I'm hoping you could make one about love of your own,' the woman gestured as she crossed her arms. 'Then, if you're not too busy, would you mind if I talk to you in private?'

'It looks like we are already the only ones here,' I replied, 'but no, I wouldn't mind that at all.'

This was a rather peculiar day, as the principal, at the time, had invited for a private meeting with the head of the council, who had a limited and only a handful of responsibilities and authorisation, for something so important. But she came for me, as she later explained. However, for that sole reason it wasn't much to be found uncanny but it was the reason that she wanted me to lead to the _roundtable._ Though it was not the usual sanctuary, for her to discuss any of these matters, it was the first time she wanted me to lead her to the student council room. There were still no students around, still the quiet and peace I had always enjoyed but a little tensed with the presence of the highest power for a member of student body, the principal walking aside me as equals as if she would watch how I walk too.

After strolling through the corridor we arrived at the council room which I opened and closed then myself after the principal entered. On the table at the end I set my bag down, where I had planned to have a little snooze before homeroom period. And there I stood with the presence of portrait of Mona Lisa, forever remembered for her beauty and perfection yet hung in that curve of a smile a mystery.

'I'm sorry for the mess, Principal Minami,' I said as I turned around after I kicked myself by one of the folders on the floor when I wanted to pick up the paper that happened to be on the floor too – a total coincidence the paper from last week was still there. 'We didn't really have time to organise them properly but we do get the jobs done.'

'Well,' she replied before she picked up a sheet of paper herself, which she soon placed it on one of the tables, 'maybe when you do find someone special, that person can be the one who tells you to be tidy. It's not uncommon between us about how this room of yours, because I have been saying that your cleanliness defines how much of a lady you are.'

'Then I still believe I am yet to be called a lady, and far from being called a woman.' I admired the strong and unshaken structure of the woman. 'And I am still years away to be a woman of your stature.'

'It's only a matter of whom you spend your time with. Choosing a partner is when you decide of heaven or hell. It is as simple as how you want your life to be, in remain or ruin.' She took a wide gander before she returned to me. 'Then remind me again to introduce you to my daughter.'

'I am sure we will be well acquainted when we meet, Principal Minami. There had been a few opportunities for us but I have to apologise for we never had met. But If I may ask, is that the reason you wanted to talk privately? Because if I may say, I could present myself to her as soon as she is at school.'

'Eli,' she finally called familiarly, 'we're in your room, formality is not needed here.' The chairwoman-to-be walked over to unroll one of the posters from the pile. 'And, no. There should be a proper introduction which you two deserve. However, the reason I am here is to see _The White Folder_ and the student council report from the last two semesters. I believe, even in this mess you still have them convenient because I could not handle this level of untidiness.'

It was in fact convenient, there at the back of the room above the pigeonhole, piled up with some of the other reports over the years. As messy as the room was, not much different than my room in which at least takeout food containers were not piled, the two places had always been my favourite places to sleep, I knew where everything was even if one was under a bedrock of paper or clothes I knew what was where. It was my room. Knowing is part of owning – just like knowledge. So I walked to the back and grabbed what she wanted in an instant, without even reading the labels and the cover as I was the one who wrote them and I knew which ones I grabbed – like _Grenouille_ when he grabbed the essential oils for _Amor and Psyche_ in maître _Baldini's_ workshop. 'Here,' I called out as I placed them on the tables.

The woman turned around no longer with the poster as she had rolled it back, to a smaller roll than the rest on the pyramid. She walked over to the other side of the table and spun the only folder before us. Like a memory she turned the pages with care for each, even I hadn't treated it with such fondness. 'I got to say, Eli,' she spoke, 'you have been an excellent student in this school and a wholly example for the rest. Even the president had not written a report as fine as you.' Despite the two reports stacked next to it were yet touched, she continued to admire the daisy with petals no whiter than her jacket and like a bee attracted to its centre golden sphere. 'I also look on a high favour the admirable work you've done for the school, achieving great success in my book. Just with this you were able to overwrite the long-established student body and point out the very mistakes that was the feeble brick of the Jenga. Even though I've been peeking on your school grades, and based on my own thesis, you are the living evidence to support my paper and its hypothesis. There are some students that I would call genius for they have outstanding grades, but only one deserves to be called intelligent. It is you, Eli. Sure, there is no doubt on paper every student should be beautiful, and you are too. But applying what you've learnt in class and using that experience outside is the true beauty, and you are of that.'

'And I believe there is always someone better, and such person couldn't be described to be more than you,' I said.

'In my line of work I do not take flattery for a luxury.'

'Then it should be one of those compliments due to renewed every few times,' I replied along with her smile too.

'I shall be waiting then.' She left the folder open, to my acknowledgement letter at the front with my signature at the end, my profile on its right page and photo. 'And a woman's beauty,' she continued, 'is a treasure beyond price.'

'Do you think so?'

'One last thing, Eli,' she grabbed the stack on her right and carried one to walk about to meet me at the centre, 'how long does it take for you to write a report like this?'

'That would depend on several factors. But if I should categorise, the time would depend on the purpose, the agenda – time limiting or content limiting – and the priority.'

'I can tell all those right now. If I did, can you give me the answer?'

'I will give you an approximation.'

'Good,' she quickly replied. 'It is top priority, meaning the report will be on top of anything else on my desk; it's that important. I can say that it is time limiting, though it wouldn't hurt to give as much content. And finally, the purpose of this report is, one: to summarise all the activities and results so far, and president's plan and the estimate; two: to analyse what you've analysed and respond to your evaluations; and three: to write my own overall report for the board of directors.'

An approximation would just do – the engineering approach to problem solving, if I ever wanted to be one. Giving a number as a temporary promise too, showing dense solidity and detailed commitment rather than unrealistic plans and vague promises without figures. That's just how to survive in the outside world, outside friends and family circles, to impress intellectual audience. Thus, if I ever were a president, that's just how I want my council to be. Epic.

'Then I could see the report done next week,' I presented a proposal. 'But if I started today, and giving you the weekend to start your report, then I could give you a final or second last final draft of it by end of the week – meaning Friday.'

'Even _your_ third or fourth last final draft would be more than great. But if you needed the time then I can't complain.'

'End of the week, it is, then.'

'Alright,' she agreed. 'Thank you for doing this, Eli.'

'It is not like I'm doing a favour because it _is_ my obligation to do these tasks.'

'Just don't push (yourself),' she said before interrupted.

There was a sudden knock on the door that disrupted the woman from her speech, just twice on the door, a little rude for a formal conference but not for a casual. The knob turned and the door creaked to let a girl so beautiful entered. The girl with long dark hair that followed her in stepped as if it was like another day just to entertain me before I go to my class. Just that today she didn't have to.

'Good morning, Eli-senpai,' Umi greeted, 'do you... Ah! Good morning, Principal Minami!' She bowed and paused still by the door.

'Good morning, Sonoda-san,' Principal Minami replied. 'Good to see you early in the morning.'

'Good morning, Umi,' I too replied while the girl still was frozen on the knob. 'I'll be right with you; why don't you wait outside for a minute.' Without a reply but enough with a small nod she exited. And a bow again.

'So you two have already met, let alone the fact you are very familiar.'

'We do,' I quickly counter, 'she shows a great quality as a student and a great candidate if I were to pass down my torch this instant. But we both know I need more time to be sure if she could handle it all.'

'Is that the only reason you were so close?' the chairwoman asked, aligning the bottom of the sheets on the table. That hit startled me.

'I beg your pardon; I don't quite follow.'

'I am asking whether she will be the one who will keep this room tidy for you. Because I see she's a candidate for that too. Now don't roll out my daughter as a possible candidate too, however.'

'It is too soon to say, principal.' We both had a chuckle. 'But if you don't mind, may I ask you for a favour?'

'It's only a matter of time for you to ask so I can return the favour. I always thought the party invitation I gave you was not enough for appreciation, but that was the only thing I can afford to offer you at the time, as myself was facing another difficulty for this school. Now that everything is a little slacked for the time being, what can I do for you, Eli?'

'Honestly, Principal Minami, I have said it a hundred times and a million more if I had to that I was glad to attend such an amazing event. But my favour is nothing special. It is just a request for secrecy of my relationship. I don't want her to get involved with the mess already in face to keep the school as it is for her and the rest of the students.' Thinking still, I had not rolled out the principal's daughter.

There was nothing more to add to the offer or counter, just a smile of agreement on her end was enough with her lipstick red for the seal. A final look around the sensibly-tidy room she took with the past reports on her hand she left – I accompanied her to the door for this room was mine to begin with. Umi was still standing on the other side of the hallway by the windows with her book on her hand, one I didn't notice until later. We watched as the woman disappeared to the stairs and I finally invited Umi in.

'Hey, sorry for the wait,' I said as she passed me to enter, 'I hope that didn't take long.' I closed the door too.

Head down, paced when she entered, and mumbled as she talked. 'No, senpai. Don't worry about it. I should be the one who apologises for intruding. I didn't know you have an important meeting with the principal.' Cute when she's feeling guilty.

'You didn't, don't worry about it.' I walked over to the front of the room while Umi took her seat at my usual spot where my bag was, still a little shy to sit closer to me I suppose. On the council board, I wrote across for an emergency meeting at the end of the day that would take 20 to 30 minutes if it were a conductive meeting, so it wouldn't disturb much of the members' other plans for the day. 'Have you eaten breakfast?' I asked.

'Yes, and actually,' she replied with her sweet voice closer than I expected, 'that's why I'm here quite early. This is for you, senpai.'

'Hmm?' I turned around just when I finished to see Umi brought a bread with her. I had tasted a lot of pastry and bakery to know this was stuffed with chocolate indeed, suggested by the smudges on the plastic packaging. More importantly, because I had been craving one just like this for the longest time.

'Last night you mentioned that you were looking for this kind of bread.' I took it off her hand. 'So, before I came here I bought one from a friend's bakery near my house; I'm pretty sure she'd still asleep even now. But this is not one of the usual I buy but I knew there was something sounded so familiar when you described it.'

'Umi…' My sweet Umi. 'Thank you.' I took Umi to sit with me before I tore a quarter of the piece to share with her as she never tasted it before either.

'T-thanks, senpai. But as much as I want to try it, I'd rather have the smaller piece since you crave it more than I do.'

I giggled to see her eyes locked on the larger piece, like I would give anyone that much. All and all it was as great as I first tasted long ago, though I was with someone else, but as delicious as the one I described to her last night. The flakes, though they were almost basically tasteless, added the fluff to the croissant-like texture of the caramelised and toasted outer layer. And when you hit the chocolate, bliss.

'I knew you were going to make a mess,' she said as she pulled out a few napkins from her pocket.

Apparently, I smudged some on my face and the flakes and crumbs on my lap of my skirt. If I were alone I wouldn't mind especially licking my fingers and worse, off the chocolate from the plastic packaging before throwing it out. But I had to show my best manner in front of this girl. Then we talked in the council room just the two because a night's phone call wasn't enough for the both of us. It was surprisingly hot when Umi walked to school because it was windy when I walked here – a little hotter than usual because of the intensity of the sun that month. Her usual bright tie was a little dim today because she hadn't washed it – a friend of hers had to borrow one from Umi that week leaving her with only a pair; though if she needed she could always borrowed mine, I even would tie it for her…

But at the end of it all, she finally asked me a question she always asked nervously, for another date. However, it was so sudden she wanted right after school that day. I had always been prepared to answer her with a _yes_ but today I doubted before I replied. Sure, today's council plan was to have a meeting that would only take, as I promised, 20 to 30 minutes but that I had planned to stay back to work on the report before anyone else. I had planned to ask for volunteers to work on it with me too. This was surprisingly stressful. I made a promise of estimate to hand over the report by the end of the week, but if today I were to skip the work I had to dense up another time… who knew when would that be… it could build up in time… I couldn't say no to Umi either because…

The school and this task was the priority.

...

Just 15 past the end of school we gathered in the room, full members present though some had to leave their activities a moment for the call of this meeting. As the leader of the council, as one who called for this meeting, as one who knew the agenda, as one who stood in front of the room having the president and her advisors at the back, I had to conduct this in a balanced manner to be objective on the outline for the content is important yet time efficient so this meeting wouldn't take much of members' activities and to get the task running as soon as possible. And I delivered my introduction and aim short yet detailed, for this meeting was (as stated to the clause in the recorded meeting minutes):

1\. Inform members of the recent exchange between Principal Minami and Ayase Eli

1.1. Notify the need for an adequate, compressed, early council report

1.2. Enumerate the content and purpose of the report

2\. Build an elaborate method to complete a compact report in time as requested

2.1. Draw and label a comprehensive timeline to follow

2.2. Check viability of method and timeline

3\. Tabulate task division for 1st and 2nd drafts

3.1. Data gathering

3.2. Content writing

...

Although I had given a ballpark estimation for the number of days to complete this, knowing how important it was for the chairwoman-to-be to have it as soon, the other members of the student council understood and respected the decision I had made that morning and were willing to follow as long as I guided. As surprised as I was, none of the members know why Principal Minami would want an early report, let alone the fact that it did not had to be like the other completed ones – it all started from this meeting where suspicions aroused, but we kept it to ourselves.

Creative ideas were thrown around the room and we listed them. It was automatically discarded the method we accustomed to as it would require time and work – it had been in my mind for a while to improve such flaw. The denser report: much more compact in the time given. The method of producing such thing should be simple, but not simpler. The point of this first meeting was to discuss such method for that cube of time to compress twice smaller; wonder how that would work in real-life. So, we needed and had made a reasonably diamond-perfect method which led to my last point of discussion.

Finally, we set those with experience in charge of the respective fields and of interests while the others were to work under the responsible persons. For example, one of the popular students at school was the president's secretary who was a lifelong socialist, thus how she got her position too, to help the data gathering team to get updates and short statements from various clubs. Some volunteered to tasks they preferred and the rest had to be appointed for they were flexible on various fields. I assigned myself in a few including checking and finalising the report but the president, she had to be because otherwise she wouldn't be elected, highly suggested me to do the first finalisation while the second and third would be done by her as this was in fact happened under her government – also that it was the most time consuming. This was issued during her commission.

And from then on, was set in the council an emergency procedure in occasions of great importance to handle complications. The allocations would be done in every meeting at the start of each academic years to come, briefing and preparing such events if there were any. The usual method, however, was not completely discarded as it would be the most conventional, though it would be slower, each member should account that beforehand. And in these events, the president should be responsible to form a temporary management system that would work best (even this early, I had already thought of well-organized managerial structures for which would work best in the eyes of its customers – complicated and well structured does not have to mean efficient!).

So, it's done. The meeting lasted 35 minutes and it was successfully conducted. The minute we kept pinned on the board to remind ourselves, we set a countdown timer for that Friday, and project S curves were to be pinned by each responsible persons by Tuesday. Those who left their clubs returned, and some stayed to work early on the report while the school was still opened, while the rest went on their own plans. We gave this freedom despite the whips closing in on your backs, but that should be the strategy for a leader to decide.

And where was I?

...

It was just around the corner. Yes, it was just there I couldn't believe I missed it because I was sure it was nowhere near the tea shop Nozomi and I often visited – but I eventually made it. A local restaurant and Umi had been waiting at one the booths, a little private corner that much suited her – lighting a little dim because of that awkward lamp distance overhead, far from window shoppers to recognize her but enough to notice me pass, with tidy decorations on the wall shelves above her.

'Hey, Umi,' I cried.

'Evening, Eli-senpai,' the miss replied setting her book aside.

'I'm sorry for being tardy. Have you been here long?' I took the seat in front of her and free-fell my bottom to the soft cushions as if my legs were about to go out.

'Only about 10 minutes, senpai. You don't have to apologise as long as you are here now and I'm glad that you are. For a second I thought the council is going to keep you away from me, but I guess not – you've proven your abilities and commitment. Thank you.' She exhaled finally.

Umi's tall glass of ice water that sweated in this hot season down its neck to damp its coaster too was so tempting I would just throw it at my own burnt and boiling hot face for falling for such a cheap line! However, she was not lying and that's the point of a good pick-up, sure, there should be a bound for exaggeration but there is also a sweet extent just before it turns into lies or empty gestures where girls, so simple-minded, like myself could just blush. What can you do with your crush in front of you? 'You look beautiful, Umi,' I praised. 'I'm happy to see you wear the beret we bought.'

Thus, started our 5th date. It began with Mariko taking our order – like many other dates to come, where she had been moving up her part-time job at different establishments to have a legitimate career and become a maître d'. Umi had her eyes on spicy beef tongue on a hotplate while I have lust on the wondrous scallop curry on rice. There was also a side of chips on my dish that I thought was too much but enough for us to share later, since we planned on staying late anyway.

...

'Thanks, Mari,' I said as our waiter left with our plates. I placed my long-awaited drink in front of me that I wouldn't let my tongue get spoiled for taste mid-dining and took a long hard sip out of the long, thumb-sized straw as if I were sucking something extra thick. 'That's one good milkshake.'

'That does look like a good one,' the girl jealous over. She too took a sip with my straw when I shifted the glass to her for a taste. 'Senpai,' she called after her blush, 'I don't mean to intrude such business…'

'What is it, Umi?'

'Was there a problem in the council earlier today? I was concerned if you were in some sort of trouble and I may have added oil to the fire. I don't really express myself or ask too much as you might know, but I can't stop myself from thinking about it. I should apologise to the person in charge, the president, or the principal, for my troubles on you.'

'I'm glad I share a portion in your thoughts, Umi. But like I said this morning, you have nothing to be concerned about. You don't have to worry about me; my actions are mine to decide, and my words are mine to commit. I'm a responsible person and I take what I do seriously. So, if I let you do something today, any day, know that I already thought a million times over, a million times more, I wouldn't take back what I did.'

'Are you sure?'

'Positive. You also must understand how grateful I am that you asked. I don't usually share my troubles with anyone.'

'Then, do you think you would share with me?'

'Maybe some part of it, if you asked.' I smiled and took again a big sip of the milkshake I took back. 'Is there anything in particular?'

'Um,' she started, 'how about your meeting, today? How was your meeting, senpai?'

'I guess it went alright,' I replied pulling out the notes from my bag – ripped pieces of papers I thought I took from one of my books, hopefully wasn't one for a subject. 'I got all my things cleared, the ones I wrote on the board. We divided tasks too… No, wait, that's not the paper.' I continued to search.

'You're the head of the council, thinking of becoming the president in the next year, senpai. I yet to see a competition whom has a potential of a greater leader. You should get yourself organised. It's disturbing to even think there's a single dust in your council room. I don't know if it's true, but I think the principal is turning a blind eye on the council room.'

I clutched on my chest pressing hard against myself. 'There's no dust and that hurts, Umi.'

'You sneezed when you entered the other day.'

'It was a cold day.'

'You were sweating.'

'From running!'

'It's no worry, senpai,' she replied as she chuckled. 'Organising and tidying is an easy task for me. If you would let me I can help you. I'll teach you the best way of organisation, though you're the better master of the other meaning of _organisation_.'

'Huh. Is that so?' I paused. 'Call me Eli. Just call me Eli when we're alone.'


	5. I Am Umi's Anguish

**I Am Umi's Anguish**

Chapter 3

...

 **I** t was on the 12th when mum suddenly had a stroke.

She was visiting grandma at the time (along with dad too) who was already resting on one of those hospital beds we had at home since she got knocked down also by a stroke, but of old age. For a year since my grandad died they had been accompanying her whenever they could when work wasn't in their ways, Alisa and I did visit for a few times as well. Even in those few times they visited they were more helpful than aunt Nina's family who basically lived there half of the year and cousin who stayed since his college was nearby; talk about freeloading! Mum and dad paid for 90% of the hospital bills, the caretakers of grandma's, treatments and exercises that would help grandma's motor skills. We didn't want to send her to a nursing home as long as her family was around.

Mum, in the family that stretched in both countries, was a businesswoman whose prestige was of being a potent lady. I adore and much respect her, whether strict or loving, since the day I exited her womb. But behind that tall wall of steel, she stressed.

A lot of family matters she handled, not just for the sake of us four, but also for her 5 other siblings and dad's one (sadly mum's Uncle Ilia died not long after grandad, after his kidney failure and bared for many, many years of hell on earth, knowing a dialysis machine for half of his life; but he didn't suffer when he died just like how grandad did, so may they rest in peace). She tells me she loves me and that whatever she gave me was for my own benefit, she even said that I may not appreciate it then, that I may had thought of it as a waste of time, but she said it was for the future. Things that I was able to learn from her, things that I experienced with her alloying this body and soul, are and would always be precious to me and as if her mission as a mother to me has already been completed.

Nevertheless, I wasn't ready for this.

One day, as I mentioned when she was visiting grandma, I wasn't around, and Alisa had recently moved to our apartment in Tokyo, when she sent some rather odd messages through Line:

. Pp h6g cvmfLnnberhbbvsvdASEDDDDLLZzV7þh mfgghhbi8sdeeetms **5:05 PM**  
8Ztdcnkfďdddpo7lmmmmm kķļ7çg.m **5:08 PM**  
Mom Called. **5:08 PM**  
Mom Called. **5:13 PM**  
Nkjhk.jýù **5:16 PM**

Of course, at first glance of the message when I was preparing dinner for myself and my sister, I didn't think it was serious that I thought there was some unusual error in her phone or that she fell asleep and hit whatever button she touched during, since I often saw her fell asleep holding her phone when she messages dad in front of the tv after a long day. I just didn't know it was her brain that was affected.

The well and worry-less night and sleep are nevertheless regretful to this day, wishing I had known earlier. On a beautiful Wednesday the 12th I was out with Nozomi to the docks, for the mesmerising view of the city behind the moored yachts and trawlers, in between a large body of water too. It had been a while since I went on a date with Umi, but this would do today since I would be meeting her tomorrow, an exciting day at the carnival too with my best friend.

The following evening at 11:09 AM dad sent a photo through the family's group chat, mum already in one of the beds of the ICU with a nurse standing next to her holding a sphygmomanometer. This was followed by a message:

Illy… Aly, mom's having a stroke and dad brought mom to EMC… **11:09 AM**

...

Right at that moment, just when I was about to get ready to meet with Umi, my heart sulked. The suffocation felt real as if in the ocean depths filled my lungs. Not those cliché imagery of the main character slowly sinking to the bottom of the water, no, more like a great white shark bitten through my torso and not yet satisfied so monsters on the beds of those waters rip it and my body apart like some damped paper polluting, if hell wasn't satisfied the devil would have revived me and do the same shit over, but who said the devil was responsible, for this was mine to be punished with.

It took me too long to absorb the situation, but I was finally able to do so when I finally called.

'Алло, папа?' I began.

'Алло, Эри,' dad replied.

'Wh-what happened, папа? What's wrong with мама?'

'She's just how I told you, Эри,' he replied dimly with a shaky voice. A man I had known all my life, so brave, so cool, so impressive as gentle and dependant man and father, so weak and broken. 'She's just got a stroke but mother's resting now in the ICU.'

'Dear God. What happened?'

'We haven't got a confirmation since the neurologist isn't here yet. We got a recommendation for Doctor Alexey. So, we can't really confirm what exactly happened, Эри.' He paused a second seemed that he took a breather he had been holding back before continuing. 'Эри, have you been receiving peculiar messages from mother?'

'Yes, папа! I have – yesterday when it's evening here! Was that when she got the stroke?'

'Probably yes. She appeared a little tired yesterday when she sat on the sofa. From where I looked, which was next to her, she seemed to be having trouble typing messages. It wasn't only to you, Эри. But to me, Али, your aunts and uncles too, and some were notes, voice recordings, calls. I first thought that she was losing focus but she still responded to my questions when I asked whether she wanted to drink water. That night I asked her some mathematical questions, which she usually was very good at adding and subtracting, some fast math daily… but she failed that. It took her a long time to answer, and those were yet correct. It wasn't long until I asked her to lay down and eventually sleep. But then the next day…' He paused again.

'Папа?'

'Sorry, Эри,' he continued, 'the next day, which was this morning, her condition worsened. She could barely stand and talk properly. I remembered grandmother's stroke and this was fairly similar. I immediately cried Aunt Анна to make a call for ambulance while I helped mother. Your cousin Лилия was there too to help, in fact, they're both here now in the waiting room with me. So, if Эри had the chance say thanks to them…'

'Хорошо. I will, папа. And how about you? Как дела?'

'Oh, my dear Эри, I've been better. It's heart-breaking to see mother in a hospital bed and, but I'm holding on, so let's pray mother's doing the same and even better.'

'Sure.'

'Thanks for calling, Эри. Let Али know when you're with her and hold your sister, she'd be needing you more than ever. I will keep you updated.'

'Take care of yourself, папа. До свидания.'

And I ended the phone call after dad hasn't replied for a while. I wasn't there by his side, but I could be at Alisa's, so I dialled from my quick contacts.

The first time I called she didn't answer.

I immediately called back but she still hasn't answered.

She knew if I rang twice it would be a distress call, but I guessed I just had to wait until she called back, but in the thick of times I just had to do it again but maybe in a few minutes.

In the meantime, my makeup wasn't even ready that I still clipped half of my hair to the side and forgot about it – remembering now that I was trying to take off my studs. I went to put on a clumsy t-shirt at least, not the dress I was going to wear to meet my beautiful lady. This was the day I promised. This was the day I supposed to meet her, a rather big date too. I had it all planned and laid out perfectly with the schedule that I told her half a week before that we were going to visit a lot of places on Wednesday, rest at usual spots to remanence with teasing play of snacks, watch a street performer who always performed that day, dine at our romantic restaurant just as we used to request refillable drinks, and end the night with a city watch and tying a scarf we were about to buy before I send her home with a flower tucked on her head and ear, sealing the deal with a kiss on her cheek. I had been edgy for the past few weeks, afraid too for I had been behaving poorly in front of my date partner and with a struck of confidence I had been thinking and maybe one of these days I would finally tell her how I felt – though it had been clear between us – confessing to the girl I'd very much like to spend most of my time with, girl whom I'd like to hold. This was a rather difficult task, to think those girls who did to me had to experience the same overwhelming stress and heart throbbing nervousness, expressing one's feelings to someone, so embarrassing! Nozomi knew me and I rarely did, being nervous and well-expressed, but she knew how I felt; she's my bestest friend, after all, and my ex. However, she told me that she didn't really experience it as well as I since she was very self-assured when she confessed to me, of course, I was not too surprised – thought that was the answer. Thus decided, I was going to confess to Umi and finally telling her about the masquerade ball. Let things be clear now before I lose her.

However, things did not go as I planned. Far at it too.

It was a risky week to have a date, since the council wasn't finished with some of the tasks even with the help of volunteers, but I gambled and I told the rest to give me a short recess on Wednesday since Umi had longed for a meeting and she had been complaining about it too (everyone was given a recess day and I was given with Nozomi on Tuesday just that I begged to have another in exchange I would make-up for the work, and knowing my capability I was granted). There was a sudden announcement for a mid-break that week, aim to focus teachers and staff about the snag this school was facing, closure! Of course, this was also dealt by the council, in fact, we were one of the first students to know about this. However, Chairwoman Minami ordered everyone who knew to say no evil, until things were confirmed – we wouldn't want students to transfer or lose concentration just weeks before exams. So, I did, even to Umi, I kept my mouth shut. Secrecy. I just wished I knew it was a mistake because my schedule as the head council drastically increased to a point I pulled an all-nighter, the president had to stay late at school and driven home by teachers, and volunteers were drawn from the rest of the school. It was a stressful month to overcome. Chairwoman Minami wasn't herself too, she had her voice raised but who could blame her or anyone under such pressure; the president, her vice-, and myself had been squeezed dry.

Before I could gather myself, I saw on my phone when I opened the chats 12 unread messages from my Umi. Recently I had been silencing my phone, of notifications from chats, games, and feeds to have time to myself doing all those work and rest mostly – only when I had my break when mentally and physically ready I would open those chats. To think of it, I was rather mean too, since between short 30-second breaks I would prioritise Umi's messages rather than mom's or dad's. But even these she was a little salty. And to think having just 5 unread messages from her was beyond me.

I didn't know what hit me but I couldn't open those chats as my finger froze thinking about it for too long, before the screen got covered (where her messages were) with Alisa's call.

That's right, I had I talk to Alisa about mom.

'Sis?' She greeted when I answered. 'What's wrong? What happened? I saw the messages папа sent.'

'Alisa,' I replied, 'мама is in the hospital now, she just got a stroke.'

'Oh, my God. So, it's true!'

'Yes, but we still don't know what exactly happened since папа is waiting for the specialist to arrive. Aunt Анна and Лилия are there beside them for support but I haven't messaged them yet. Alisa, last night you did get strange messages from мама, didn't you?'

'Yes,' she quickly replied. 'Yes, I did. I thought she was pocket texting or something. I asked whether it was, and she replied with, "Yes Али…" Then I got no more messages from her.'

'When did she reply?'

'In the morning around 8.'

'I see. So I guess she got better but not enough. I assumed it was last night when she really got it when she tried to text us.'

'Do you think…Do you think she was trying to tell us something, sis?'

'I wish I knew, Alisa.'

And silence filled our conversation as we both contemplated the anxiety and agonising weight on our heads. …

'When will you be home today, Alisa?' I asked.

'I'm actually thinking of going home now.'

'I see. Then I'll see you at home. Be careful.'

'Thanks. До встречи.'

...

As the air filled my lungs again when I read dad's messages, that at least he kept his calm and still breathing properly, a little relieved that mom still holding on to her consciousness. She could still smile through the photo he sent. A heart-tearing smile!

Mom was checked by the nurses, probably the same one in the first photo, for her motor responses and it seemed that her right leg was a little delayed. Then I looked back at the photo of her smile, only then I realised it was a little slanted, whether it was a half-body paralysis we still could not tell especially for me who had the fewest knowledge of in medical. While mom was resting and accompanied by my aunt and cousin, dad was taking care of the administration as well as a private room for mom to stay in. All things were handled by the stand-by neurologist and it was better than none.

At first diagnosis, it was identified that mom had a non-haemorrhagic stroke – caused by clotting of a blood vessel, a similar type of stroke which grandma had. There are two types to which doctors categorised such causes: haemorrhagic (from the Greeks that means blood and burst), and ischemic (means stopping and blood). Nobody would say one is better than the other, just that one is more common. To simply put, mom was diagnosed as such because the interruption or limited feed of blood to the brain that causes the delay in her responses, and clots are never good as in long term could damage the patient's brain. I was glad that mom was brought to the hospital quickly to be treated.

Right at that moment mom was going through the CT scan to confirm this. There would be a significant difference between the two types during the imaging, and location of clot or rupture could really determine the effect. This was done by taking series of X-ray pictures of mom's skull and brain, at different angles which later computed to make "slices" or cross-section of the brain. These images used to be printed on negative films but nowadays we have gone digital, and the principle was printing on those film (or digitally) by different absorption intensity and this is affected by the density. Bones have highest density in our heads thus absorb most X-rays so they appear white, and fluids which has the lowest density absorb the least so they would appear black. The brain, however, has intermediate density and appears grey (is that why it's called grey matter? I'm sure there's another reason for it, probably because of the fat content). An ischemic stroke would appear darker in the affected areas, while the haemorrhagic stroke would appear lighter.

And when Doctor Alexey arrived, running a few tests himself, had concluded it was the latter. During her stress whatever happened at grandma's house, or her intense business deals and hours, insane pressure of her blood may had ruptured one of the weak vessels in her brain. I wish I knew, I wish I could understand what she was trying to say the night before. I wished I knew she was screaming for help.

I kept my phone nearby and family chat opened to monitor the situation. As she was about done, mom was sent to her new room to rest as my aunt and cousin followed right behind, as seen from the few photos dad sent. Since grandma's incident we learned a few things from then, but unlike grandma, mom could normally drink her water without choking which was a good sign. Her blood pressure was at 142/83, a little on the borderline and must be kept low to avoid further bleeding.

From this point forward at all times, her blood pressure and consciousness must be kept supervised.

...

In the thick of things, I had forgotten about another. I had forgotten about Umi. Her messages, as I looked away from the family chat after being quiet for about half an hour, had increased to 15. At this point I was afraid to face her.

...

Right from the start I knew I was in trouble when Umi sent me those message, though I yet dare myself to open them. She never liked it when we don't talk. Not that she was needy or overly attached, and not as if I didn't like that side of her in which I thought was adoring and nice, but it was like keeping a secret from her, which I was. Umi never liked secrecy that's why I needed to change myself, but I wish I had done that sooner.

Just before I could reply her message, even before opening them, I received a call from my dear Umi.

'Hello, Umi?' I said when I picked up.

'Eli!' she screeched. 'What the hell?!'

'E-excuse me?'

'Where are you?! Haven't you seen my messages? I texted a dozen times. Where are you, Eli?!'

'I'm… I'm at home, Umi. I'm sorry I haven't –' I said but I was interrupted.

'You're home?! Eli?!' She breathed through the microphone aloud as if she was exhausting her anger at me, calming herself so she could compose herself. There were noises behind hers, crowded it seemed. 'Eli. I've been waiting for about an hour now. That's excluding the time I cheated because I came earlier than set, like usual. What… Just what have you been doing for the past hour? One hour. That's sixty minutes of not replying any of my messages, discounted the first few when I said I arrived. Oh… Congratulations, Eli, I just read my messages to you!'

It was unlike me to had lost track of time…

'I know you woke up later than usual today,' she continued, 'but I thought you got ready as soon as I called this morning.'

And as soon as I heard her comment I looked back at my clock on the wall, indeed I was late. Late, as the white rabbit said. I messed up. As I mentioned, I had it all planned. I was about to wake up at 6, a little snooze if I had to until 7 before I was about to get ready and eat the leftovers, let 1 hour for eating and cleaning up, 8 to get into the shower and 9 to have my hair dried, half an hour to get ready for combing and make-up, another half to dress, finally at 10 would be the time I was going to leave house, reaching the park would take just a quarter but I like to be early to meet her. However, today, was the worst I had been. I messed up badly. Late, I woke up at 8, and I skipped breakfast when I realised I missed my alarms even Umi's first call, I immediately took a shower for God knows how long it was and I did the usual hair routine before putting on my make-up, letting my dress on the side so it won't get wrinkled. But I was late, my clock was dead, my phone was on silent. I was in deep trouble.

'Umi,' I finally said, 'I'm sorry. I've been tardy today, I didn't notice the time.'

From the speaker of my phone I heard her exhaled again before continuing. 'You know, for the longest time I have been waiting for us to meet, Eli. About a month ago I was excited for the mid-break thinking you weren't going to be busy, but I was half-wanting it when you said you had other plans and could not make time for me. Then you convinced me last week with all those exciting things we were about to do. And… and you wanted to talk to me about something, something important to ask in person too. I was… thrilled, thinking about being serious I had hopes again and seeing myself experiencing a lot of things, together.'

'Umi. I am really sorry.' Since I let the call on speaker I quickly got out of my lazy t-shirt to my dress for that day. 'I'm going soon. Just give me a few minutes, alright?'

'I'm counting… the number of times we almost hang out for the past term alone, Eli. The last time we did was for a movie and that was a short encounter, wasn't it? It wasn't that great of a movie too. That's right, it's been 5 times we cancelled, even you refused when I wanted to come over telling me it's not the right time. I don't know what you've been hiding, but I trusted you all these times. There are things you wouldn't answer about the council, there are things you wouldn't say about your home, and I've put up with it. I trusted you to tell me. You're a good person, Eli, I know you wouldn't… cheat. I know you wouldn't lie, but I could say I don't know you, Eli.'

'This is something serious, even for a quick conversation this should be done in person, Umi. I'm not comfortable talking about it on the phone so let us just meet, okay? Let me see you to talk about it and we'll see how we go from there.'

'I haven't been comfortable from the start. I was never in my comfort zone whenever we were alone. But I dared myself, went out of my traditional ways, exposing myself to one stranger that eventually I came to l... to lo… And here we are hugging whenever we leave, here talking so familiarly without seniority, here wearing the clothes we bought as presents for each other – at least I am. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know! So, listen to what I have to say right here, Eli.'

'Alright, Umi.'

'There have been thoughts in my unsettling head, coping with difficulties in academic was one of them, but recently have been bothering me.'

'Thoughts can sometimes be unpleasant, but dangerous to be kept too long.'

'They're recently doubts about you, Eli.'

'You've been doubting me?'

'About whatever we're having. I was happy that we met, and I've been enjoying the time we've spent, wasted together. It's been a pleasant one indeed, but it went rotting towards the end, didn't it?'

'Hold on. What is it that you've been doubting about? End? What "end" are you talking about?'

'You've been a great senior to me, a great friend too. Perhaps more but you never said anything so I don't dare assume we are. You have my permission to create the same memory with another person to make them happy. Please forgive me if I behaved poorly for the few months I know you. You have to understand how I'm seeing this too. I'm as lost as I was at first met you. But I guess this is it.'

'Umi, no. Talk to me.'

'Farewell, Eli. Take care of yourself. Maybe she's better than I am after all.'

'Umi!' I called out without realising the call had already ended when she did. 'Umi, are you there?' I assured one more time, yet no reply. 'Umi…' I cried one last time without a breath left to make a sound. I tried to call her back, but it wouldn't connect. I tried again and again until my thumb was shaking.

And those were the most hurtful words I have ever heard. A sinister adieu.

None other than sheer stress and sole shock I had no control of my strength I dropped my phone, denting the corner of it that made a trail of crack to the centre. I didn't even realise I was sitting back on my dressing chair before I fell off it, scraping a little of my knee. However, phones in 5-7 years would be replaced and wounds heal. The hurt in my heart scarred, at best slightly fade, and guilt in my memory tattooed. I drove Umi away, and she left me.

...

Fuck.

...

Fuck, Fuck, FUCK!

...

...

This whole goddamn mess is just what I fucking deserve.

...

Who says I haven't had enough of it, right?

Screw effort!

...

Fuck destiny! I can't fucking CHANGE you!

...

...

...

You said I could.

Who is the author to my story?

You're no God  
Why can't I have my happy **ending** if you loved me so much?  
It's all fun and games to you, toying with what I call hope.

...

 _May you rot in hell_

...

...

Skin to the bone, my whole body numbed only my reflex nervous system worked holding my body still. Blood rushing through veins about to burst, sinking my heart like a heartburn in hell, feeling sick. I wanted to vomit. Chill at the back of my head, rigorously compressing my head with pain from my forehead to the top and back down the vertebrae.

A man theorises it before all of us. All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. A push or just a nudge. For me this could just be my (un)lucky day.

...

Hah.

...

...

First it was the school, then mom, and unexpectedly Umi? I am losing all that I hold dear, those that I loved. These were the light of my life, those that guided me straight on the path of righteousness, but as these stars of north started to dim only darkness left, no sun to shine my day nor a source for warmth. Wickedness filled my mind and I began to feel cold.

On the verge of 6 seconds too late, at best buried 6 feet under, Alisa came back. The tiny sight of shine that grew to be a magnificent darling returned to me. My sister.

She hurried as she entered searching and finally swung my door open, found me on the ground with fist banging my head as I trembled. She said I was kneeling while swaying, barely making sense of what I said, even if I were talking in any language known.

Alisa called and met me on the floor by my bedside. I couldn't hear her, didn't even realise someone was there. Again, for the second she called holding my wrists away. I felt her shaking me out of this state.

'Sis!' she finally cried out, holding my head up. I began to realise I wasn't at all alone. Something about her that caught my eyes, that's it, the eyes like my mother's and father's.

'Elicchi,' a sweet and recognisable voice I heard about my door. A girl with dark braided hair to her side stood in her school uniform, as like mine down to the detail to her tie.

'Are you alright, sis?' the first person asked. 'What are you doing? Is everything okay?'

'What happened?' the second followed, as she dropped a bag and joined me by my side.

'You're home,' I apparently said before turning my head, 'you're here too, what about council work?'

'Alisa stopped by and I got a permission to leave, after all, I've done your portion of load as well as mine. Now, Elicchi, what happened here? Is your mother alright?'

'Mom's resting,' said someone who looked like me. 'She's been resting for a while now in her room. She's been given medicine to reduce her blood pressure, that should avoid the blood from further clogging. By so, the doctor said, before the blood has permanently settle it should be absorbed by the surrounding tissue/flesh. I'm so relieved. I hope dad's doing fine too.'

'That's settling news, Arisu. Isn't that so, Elicchi?'

'Yeah, it really is.' The golden-haired girl in front of me was Alisa, and the golden-hearted next to me was Nozomi. Two of whom I loved as well. The only two brightest light were around me.

While Alisa looked at the recent news that even I have skipped, Nozomi picked up my phone that slid 2 feet away from where it dropped. 'Eli,' she began looking at it with screen yet locked, 'did something happen, with her?'

I looked at my best friend, who got her own ways of doing things, who got out of duty to meet me right here. My sister too, who planned on meeting her new friends spending time at this interesting carnival which was cut short. With arms as wide as I could spread I brought them together with me. 'It's nothing that you should worry. I'll be fine. I'm just glad that you are here.'

...

It took some convincing and more time to bring us together to the living room, finally. Alisa and Nozomi sat me down at one of the cushions, my favourite one which was at the far left. Nozomi took the guest seat while Alisa went ahead to the kitchen to make some beverages, popping some of the Фруктайм soda we had left and brewed some black tea as well just as how I taught her as to how Nozomi taught me.

The two knew each other fine, at least for the few times they had met things went well. Alisa came to Tokyo following her sister, whom was in a relationship, a short one that followed after a bad one – sure was glad that she wasn't around to see it. Nozomi was the girl I dated when I was weak and fragile, so vulnerable to any kind of affection and both knew about it, just wasn't until weeks prior our breakup that I realised, that I wasn't being fair.

Not a lot of people knew about my first real relationship and a half not less about my second – I had few close calls almost as serious, but I wouldn't count them as being one, and fewer even noticed, but not worth a mention except preservation of memory that they deserve. And Nozomi deserved so much more than what I had given her. We became friends when I was having trouble with my senior, my girlfriend at the time, and she had been around since. A kind-hearted maiden and welcoming, as I experienced it myself where she opened her arms to me despite awful rumours everyone heard. Nozomi thought differently, she saw something in me that she said was similar and I began to trust her more than anyone at school. Even though I haven't completely, I started sharing my difficulties and slowly about my relationship which eventually led me to that horrible breakup. For a few weeks after she was by my side accompanying and protecting this spoiled girl, that eventually led me to have affection towards my saviour. As hard as it was, I was traumatised by the fact that I let myself open but I was childish, love as I thought was something should be gambled. She was, after all, my exit out of problems and yet to meet another alike.

Not a lot of people understood and some may have found it weird, but I talked to Nozomi when I realised I wasn't being fair. She asked how so, and my only reason was that everything was one-sided from the start, from the first we became friends. I was being my ex. In my first relationship I wasn't being paid attention to, my ex didn't even know my dislikes and was being forceful about affection, rather inappropriate too. In my second, I was being the selfish one, I didn't really pay attention to Nozomi's preference, I became spoiled around her getting what I wanted almost always. In a way, I fall in love easily for people who paid attention to me. And I wanted to change that.

We decided to end it before we hurt each other, as it was planned to be for a while, to let me learn about the girl I once loved. The plan was that we stay separated to not bear the responsibilities of a girlfriend (both ways) until we were both ready. And the end of that plan, we would return to each other, and to love one another. Hopefully till death do us apart. But that plan was scrapped, torn, and shredded the night I went to the masquerade ball.

But I never confronted her about our deal… Had she reacted the way I did? I would never know.

Nozomi saw it in my eyes, that I had fallen once more. But unlike any she had seen, as this was for someone worth dying for. Someone who would keep me forever. "Who is the girl?" Nozomi once asked the day we met again, even before I told her a clue, but eyes do not lie. And the answer to it was simply, "A girl of truth and purity." That girl was Umi.

So, when Nozomi visited that day, she knew about what had been going on between Umi and I, just that Alisa had not. I wasn't planning on telling Alisa nor any of my family members just yet as I planned on introducing them for the first time in person… I just had to scrap that plan as well, didn't I?

'I can tell, Elicchi,' Nozomi said across the sofa, 'but you have to tell me. At least say something about it. It may be fine to keep a secret, but during incidents like these you have to let your thoughts and heart out.'

'What good does it do, Nozomi?' I replied with a smile. 'I'm not at all together just yet, but I will be. This is something personal, you know. I don't mean to be rude, by not telling you my privacy, but it is something I have to learn as it was my sole mistake.'

'You don't look so good.'

'No, I do not.' I patted my face. 'This was the closest I have been to losing my mind, of course I don't look any good – my makeup wasn't even finished. But that's not to worry about, I guess. No, that shouldn't matter, not anymore.'

'I do respect your privacy and your wishes, but right now it seems you have to talk to someone about it. You have been telling me about how you and your "precious pearl", you once said, and how to handle or respond. I've given advices, I've given quotes to use, and I picked up a few places for you to go to. But it seems this time is beyond help, but you are. If you won't talk to me, talk to your sister, at least.'

'Alisa, huh?' I looked over the sofa peeking through the small serving hatch on the wall clearly with her on sight, steam across her face, seemed like the tea was done. 'I could still make a paradise for her. Nozomi,' I said still with my eyes to Alisa.

'What is it?'

'If I never found someone else, would you still take me back?'

Nozomi kept her silence.

'Sorry for the wait,' Alisa said.

'Спасибо, Alica.'

'Pick whichever you want, Nozomi-san. I hope the tea was done correctly but we do have some beverages from home if you want. They're fruity sodas, we both liked it very much. Big sis wouldn't allow me to drink so much, though.'

'Then I'll have the cold soda. And you don't have to worry, your sister drinks a lot of it before you came, she had her own stash she said.' She ended with a laugh.

'Really? You never told me!'

'Well, it is not a good habit to drink soda, so I have to empty as much as possible.' I replied with a smile, admiring my sister. Stroking her head that I loved so much, the sister and only one I had. 'You be a good girl, Alisa.

...

It took mother about two weeks to regain most of her consciousness. Dad kept on telling her stories, showing even framed pictures of Alisa and I, trying to spark her memories. In those two weeks she had gone through several tests and more x-rays. The hardest part for my dad was to see mum chocked on her food a few times, still had not regained back that motor skills. But my parents got through it together, and mother began the next phase of recovery. She began to gain strength to sit, and eventually stood – mother liked to challenge things and it was in her nature. While that was going on, they also tested her on her speaking and writing skills; few included reciting the alphabet and writing them down too. Though it was slowly progressing, we were relieved, and mother began to respond to our conversation over video chats, though those calls would end shortly because mother had to rest most of the time. Over a month she was hospitalised and finally were able to get home. Grandmother, who heard the news after mother's second week of stay got better too. Because of her old age, she did not recover fully, nor did mother but both of them were way better than we had ready to accept at the time. After a week in Moscow we made the travel arrangement to return her to Japan, where her family was. Where Alisa and I was. Turned out Doctor Alexey had a connection in Japan and had a recommendation letter for further control of mother's recovery. We were happy to see mother, and she did too. Regular visit to the doctor was accompanied but her loved ones and she got better by every week. Her blood pressure low and stable. She regained back her shine, just like my heart that scarred, or anyone that got hurt, she did not recover fully but she was happy.


	6. I Am Umi's Earnest Mistake

**I Am Umi's Earnest Mistake**

Chapter 4

...

 **I** t was after the second session we practiced together, as of that moment about a week ago officially I had become a member of Otonokizaka first school idol, _µ's_ , along with others that soon became my best friends and eventually my very own family, and finally.

She was about as done as everyone else that day, but I stayed back to spend some moment alone in the locker room to wash and extra care for the skin after a long and hard exercise getting rid of those grease – a moment to just adhere the position I was in, somewhere I could so enjoy dancing with my heart for the school I loved to the hilt. She wouldn't call much difference between tears and water on my face but she would tell that I was happy.

As I finished and dried myself I found her just after the exit of that changing room, Umi. She was leaning with her bag still hooked in an empty corridor, unphased when I stepped out. Only angles on her shoulders could tell when the last time I was alone with her.

'Umi,' I called.

'Eli,' she replied in all seriousness after a breather, but there was still a hint of a smile.

'I guess nobody's here, huh? Where're the others?'

'I sent everyone home,' she replied a little evasive.

'I see.' I giggled and put my bag down before I leaned on the lockers across her, pulling out a hairband to tie myself with, which I pulled on my hair back and collected. I saw the girl in front of me as cold as how she was back then, and continued, 'why did you send them home? I'm not in any kind of trouble, am I? It's not like you would confront me after I'm in, because I would be in a confusing place – am I in or am I out.'

'Everyone left so that we can talk. You never liked to talk about something serious over the phone, except if it's an emergency. And this is not an emergency.'

'Then it _is_ something serious?'

'Yeah.' She pushed herself off the wall and stood staring straight to my eyes. 'I seemed to have lost my survey, senpai. Is there a way to get another one?'

Oh, what a surprise that was. 'It's been a long time since we did that routine, let alone any common ones.' I replied with a smile and took my bag. 'I wonder how many others you remember, Umi, after all these times. How about you follow me, Sonoda-san. We can stop by the council room to get what you needed. And stay close.'

And so I took the lead just like usual how we did this. Just like how we met, and again.

'I can't see you or talk to you properly if you're behind me. Why don't you walk beside me?'

'Just for once,' she sounded, 'just for this time, let me walk behind you.'

'You're awfully quiet.'

'You're just as quiet, been quiet these past few months yourself, Eli.'

'So I have.'

It wasn't so much a charming nor pleasant walk we had, at least I had better, but this was dull. I couldn't speak much except making small talks and I couldn't even look at the person I was talking to, a little awkward too with someone following your steps in an empty corridor. It was the longest walk I had ever felt to the room even during my slow days. Without I realised we were just a few steps away and I noticed Umi's breath was heavier. As soon as we arrived I opened and let Umi in, she had her head down to the ground but quick to enter, until I closed it behind us and locked.

And bang. She threw her bag to the floor throwing herself onto me. A little tumbled I even fell my back to the door with another bang – as if locking the door wasn't enough to shut it. Umi had her face buried on my chest and snorted a cry.

It took me longer than I expected to act, as I was surprised. Nostalgia filled me right. This scent, these arms and body, this warmth. I missed this so much, only after she soaked my uniform I dropped my bag and wrapped my arms around her. _Oh, sweet Umi_. Her cry filled this room that we once cleaned together but somehow soothing with her voice so close it made me calm, and it's been for the longest time since I was, at least not since I remember being in such place as this garden of Zen.

For after a while she had calmed and could breathe. I didn't want to let go but at least I relaxed and so did she while we were still against the door. 'Are you ready to talk?' I asked.

'I've been such an imbecile, Eli. I blamed everything that happened on you. I accused you for false, I treated you unfairly. Ignoring you was the worst thing I've ever done… I was selfish.'

'Stop it, Umi,' I said holding her tighter. 'I was as much as in fault – I didn't talk to you about my problems. And I was just as egotistic.' On my chest, she shook her head in dispute, but I held on to the back of her head and stopped it. 'I was, Umi. Our quarrel wasn't one-sided, and it took two people to ruin this, hopefully the same people will rebuild. So, having you here, are we…' I paused to let her distanced for a view, her blood-shot eyes weren't fitting and swollen cheeks wasn't pretty. 'Are we back to how it used to? Am I forgiven?'

'You're already forgiven when I found out, Eli,' she said as she dropped to the floor on her knees. She used the sleeves of her uniform to wipe her eyes. Immediately I joined her, with knees facing each other, I grabbed a handkerchief and used it on her, because the sleeves were just too rough for her smooth cheeks and would scratch her precious eyes. 'Since the last we spoke,' she continued, 'I meant after _that_ , I realised I haven't said it. But I'm sorry, Eli.'

A kiss would just solve everything right now, a seal probably to indicate everything has passed. But who was I to just take her first kiss like I deserved it? 'Я тебя люблю,' I said.

'What did you say?'

'It's nothing,' I replied after I leaned on her and assure with a smile too though she would just have to guess it. 'Ты делаешь меня очень счастливым. I'm sorry to ruin the moment, Umi, but we can't stay here for too long. The school's going to close, and I haven't got a permission to stay after activity hours. I have the power, but I still have rules to follow.'

...

We left the school as we stopped by to say good-bye to the last teachers still working, Mrs. Ueda (Ms. Ando used to stay late, that was until she remarried not too long ago now living happily with her two children). The sun had not fully set and there still a little warmth in the air. Umi and I made our way to pick up Alisa – she greeted Umi before her own sister, and that's not how I thought her to behave, but like hell I would listen to my elder sister if I had one while Umi was around!

There was a place where Alisa wanted to go, her favourite restaurant as a matter of fact. It was a rather well-known café she had been to, once but she liked the pastry there especially the layered vanilla cake, personally, I liked their flavourful macaroons. It was the best place to surprise Umi's tongue with what I called treats, and our waitress that evening was none other than Mari.

Umi cheered and so did Alisa, embarrassing the hell out of me when they were excited by my recent recruitment since the two hadn't seen each other in a while after that fight (in fact they did when Umi called out to her). Alisa took bits and bites from Umi's plate as well as mine, and being the jealous lass that I was, I too took some from Umi as well.

But they were close and well, and I was happy for that.

Not so late into the evening, before we called for Mari to get the bill, Alisa went ahead to get it herself as she intended to visit the restroom anyway. And I was alone with Umi as if we were on a date, once again…

The place sounded so noisy that very second Alisa left, only until now we realised everything that was happening around us: a young man eating along while making a call to for whom it seem to be his beloved, a family not too far from us busy feeding the infant who was having the time of her life, a recently married couple by the door having a conversation over changing careers in exchange for happiness, and the two students over the counter waiting for their take-out for their ill friend.

'What is it, Eli?' asked the beautiful girl breaking the silence awhile since we stared into each other.

'How long has it been, Umi?' I replied, asking. 'It seems to me that it has been a year although I know it's no more than 4 months. Not a day more I would be laying 6 feet too far with vile suffering nailed and engraved. I'd go mad. But it's been a while since I see you, and that what makes me sane, I guess. I'm just in content that it's back, you know.'

'I never seen you like this either, Eli.' She positioned her sitting closer to the edge of the table and was closer to me. 'The only thing that held me back from doing this now, was how ashamed I was to confront you. Heart filled with guilt, as well. By the time when it's too-late I feel nothing but those that causes depression. But at the end I did. Because of the chances I came across Alisa I was so thankful.'

My heart suddenly felt heavy and I could barely hold myself together, letting alone heart thumping that hurts. For it seems like too long, Alisa hadn't returned and so I stretched my view to look maybe it would distract me from feeling suffocated, stretching my windpipe.

'I miss you, Eli,' she continued. Her hand suddenly brushed wiping the tear that I didn't notice like a child, and she placed her palm against my cheek. The hand was so warm I turned and overlapped it with mine. 'Listen…' and she was about to continue. About to confess something.

'I'm sorry, Umi,' I interrupted gripping her hand and slowly took it off. 'There are times and places to do this but let not this be now. We still are babysitting Alisa.'

...

Not an hour later we arrived at my house. It's just a small apartment a little to the east of the train station in this crowded city, one of the mostly populated city in the world and talk about dense! My parents rented this place and had been extending contract for about every year by then – in the beginning we were subletting from a young couple, newlywed, both worked at JAPEX and I only had met them twice or trice, but enough to get inspired on what they do similarly to my father. I hated this place at first – not because of the spoiled child that I was/am – but because how far it was my father had to travel to work that really eroded his energy and time that my mum and I barely see him except for weekends, how limited it was for my mum to arrange and display her crystals along with souvenirs or antiques she collected from places she had worked or lived in, and plant orchids on the balcony. There was not even a space for a rug on our wall!

The more I think of it, the more I hated it, but the more I loved my family. This was the rented-apartment that we could afford at the time and we were saving up for an actual house for my parents to grow old in, in peace and quiet, say the country side – an Ayase Manor one would call it, a butler called Alfred, maybe! Since Alisa had finished her course and finally was living with us, not a month after this day dad got a contract with another company working closer, mum got a whole cabinet cleared and finally able to display her precious things, I was happy. In the meantime, mum's business was taken care by her assistants and independent, though things still require approval for director. I'd shed a tear every time I remembered this place, but it's what we called home.

This was the problem with the Ayase's, we never really had a fix address as we moved around so much. It was nice to be able to travel and live in a few cities, I didn't really mind getting used to new neighbours or travelling to nearest market for weekly supplies. However, almost every 3 years Alisa and I didn't have the same friends let alone a relationship – maybe because of that I fell quickly and easily for anyone.

Was this the perfect way to live?

Of course not, nothing is perfect. But in one's perspective, there is.

Yes, I am happy to how I turned out to be because of this. In early years, I have learnt paying rent and other bills, about taxes and mortgage, withdraw USD in cash from the family net banking and exchange it to JPY or RUB – since better rates would be given compared to banks' selling and buying prices – and finally deposit to dad's local bank in its respective currency to pay off those family credits, insurance, and the remaining medical bills. I had learnt long ago how to pay my school fees and Alisa's too.

Is it the same as those underaged, barely in their prime, petty rookies – elaborating looks and decoration of oneself with chances in their favour – who'd complain the rough of life they have chosen, barely even in their twenties, living alone in popular and trending stories?

Not even close. Those dandies and quaintrelles have so much suffering from school and what surrounds it, the true hell and life and is all about it. They know nothing about harshness of life.

Neither have I experienced the worst, though you will know soon enough that I did.

Nonetheless, if someone were to ask me how I would raise my child, I would spit in a blink of an eye, "just like how my parents brought me."

...

It was just a small flat with 2 bedrooms and a master bedroom, 2 bathrooms, a living room and dining that was separated by cheap wooden planks, a cramped kitchen that led to a storage area with washing machine and oven, and only occupied by two for the rest of that year – as much as I mentioned it, I never got bothered by it.

Umi was not too unfamiliar with it at least not beyond the doors to my bedroom, since this wasn't her first time visiting, although I had wished it long ago for her to visit me at my own house.

'Welcome, Umi-san,' said Alisa. She took the first step followed by Umi's and ended with me locking the door behind us. We headed straight to the living room. 'It's nothing much, a little dull even, but it is what we call home.'

'Don't say that, Alisa,' replied Umi, 'your sister has kept this place most comfortable for the both of you.'

'She's not wrong, Umi. Although it's just the two of us here, it's a little grey when the family is not complete. We've been keeping this place as lively as possible, but it was never a full spectrum.'

'Yeah! We play board games every available Fridays, but it's been only the two of us, I mean we can't even gang-up on someone making them lose all their money and mortgage their properties…But we do have other cooperative games. Anyway, how do you call your home, Umi-san?'

'I live in a rather traditional house, Alisa.' Umi dug in her pocket for her phone, sliding her finger across the screen in her gallery before I exited to the kitchen preparing beverage for our guest. 'It was the house my grandfather grew up in, and through chances and decisions, we kept the house for many years. The maintenance for preservation, and once a renovation, was expensive but it was worth it. Here.' Umi handed her phone to Alisa who now sit next to Umi.

'Хорошо!' Alisa responded, moving closer to her crush. 'This is so cool, Umi-san. I like your house very much! I very much want to live there too!'

'You can look through, Alisa. There are more pictures I took around the house after we renovated.'

'Umi,' I called, 'needle or peony?'

'The latter would be good.' The stronger taste, then.

'The dojo looks spacious. Is this where you practice your archery?'

'The photo you're probably looking at is the training dojo, Alisa.'

I returned with the tea Umi ordered, some for Alisa and myself too, and some biscuits for snack while I defrosted the piroshki mix I made earlier that week – one I had made to congratulate my sister with for her short drama performance at school, and apparently some as well stolen for a friend she met. Whilst Alisa and Umi sat on the long sofa I took the single longue by the corner after I poured them their tea. 'Did you know Umi dances traditionally as well in her spare time? Her mother taught her so much about Japanese culture and the thickness stays in the Sonoda family, never fade over generations. You see, Alisa, Japan over thousands of years was exposed to various traditions from China, Korea, Russia too – we're in fact the very example of this – which meld the Japanese culture we know to-day. Isn't that right, Sonoda-san?'

'It's true, Eli-senpai,' Umi replied taking her tea from the coffee table. 'There is so much to it and what your sister said, what I have mentioned, or you have seen, Alisa, is barely the tip of the ice. Even I knew barely half of it, as it takes two to know wholly just like my parents.'

'I see,' Alisa responded. 'Mum is actually really interested in it, so much so she knows more than dad, probably. But they don't really spoil us too much, that I know of, of knowledge and wealth that they let us earn the luxury ourselves. Then maybe we can learn about each other's culture, Umi-san. There is a lot about Russian culture too that you should know. Maybe one of the traditional dances, maybe one that big sis tried, the sword dance.'

'Alisa!'

'She cut her hair because she used a real sword. She went sulking for weeks because her hair wasn't even.'

A laugh broke between them at my embarrassment. For goodness sake, it was a few years ago! Uncle had a shashka on display and after seeing my cousin performed I thought it was easy enough.

'That's when she decided to tie her hair most of the time,' Alisa added. 'She said it clears her view or reduce the weight and whatever-momentum for movement, or it looks professional. They're all excuses. She figured it hides her uneven hair.'

'That's very adorable, Eli. Maybe if you show me the technique I could learn and perform for you.' Umi spouted with no hesitation, calling so familiarly.

Umi with her smile still filled the room but Alisa and I were silent, Umi did too at the end.

What we had forgotten about, even the both of us, that Umi only called my name so casually whenever we were alone, not even in front of Alisa, but this was the first we broke that rule.

'Umi-san?' Alisa turned her head back at me and again at Umi and again. 'Sis? What's going on?'

With no regards to how she might react, I let her hang onto Umi's shirt for a second, finally I moved closer to the same sofa as them positioning myself beside my sister without disturbing her and Umi. 'Listen, Alisa,' I began, 'there's something I have to tell you. Umi and I already were… close. Ever since she came to Otonokizaka we've been close. Friends for more than a year and long before you knew about us, Alisa.'

Alisa turned her head with worry to her right at the girl she liked. 'Umi-san?' she asked for a confirmation.

'It is also true, Alisa,' Umi replied so sweetly locking her eyes to my sister. 'W-we are close from the beginning. Your sister is my first senior and my first acquaintance I ever befriended in this school. She is someone important to me, and I would never do anything to hurt her, let alone leaving. But if I ever did, I am sure I am a fool, throwing my luck and chances so disgracefully because no other student or person could be as truly blessed as I am. A remarkable person like your sister is not even one in seven billion.' She ended with a smile.

Alisa, however, started with a smile that I wasn't familiar with. For the decades that we had known as sisters this was so foreign, for the first time, and I knew that I know it, she's having a crush. The same person as to mine of all the chances… But it was no mere chance I suppose, Umi was a delightful person and beautiful. I was sure we were not the only siblings having the same problem towards Umi. But I didn't worry much about it, Umi was not mine and I was not hers. And I knew that Alisa was a little broken hearted.

It didn't matter if Umi had to choose, though she didn't have to, but it would be fine either of us. I wouldn't want to lose but for my sister, and Umi's happiness I would give up my hopes and dreams in long-lasting love in exchange for avoidable sibling quarrels and disagreements and many more…

But I was glad they bonded, let fate decide whom Umi would choose later, but for now we were together. Alisa went ahead and talked to her crush like anyone would, trying to impress the easily impressed, while I went to the kitchen putting on the apron to mix the batter and putting the filling before baking Ayase's signature piroshok. Alisa grabbed the Ayase's family album – a weird family we had as there was one album that sit on every one of the Ayase members' shelf, an exact copy for each household, it was dad's idea that he brought to everyone. _(Yeah, thanks dad!)_

It's been months since this home felt so lively.

A little did I know Umi was walking right into a household of hardship and rough tradition. I guessed that was Umi's personal mistake that she had to live with.

...

We watched a movie by the end of the night, where Alisa sat in the middle and always leaning against Umi like a koala to a eucalyptus. I did not blame her for it, and neither did she for not holding back her feelings, where at times I had wished I could be a little more like her.

My sister was the type of sister who would say out in the open, 'Umi-san,' she started half asleep, 'do you like big sis?'

Of course, this was met with silence and awkwardness between Umi and I as she blushed holding Alisa's head on her lap seeing the eyes closes and mouth yawning – unlady-like! But there she was laying in her pyjamas so comfortably, so cosy on the lap of the geisha herself. I wished to wake her up, so she could sleep in her room but Umi insisted on not to, letting her rest for a few minutes as she reasoned the girl was so at peace with cheeks against Umi's tender yet smooth thighs, I began to feel jealous.

It was Umi's wish to let her be, so I shall let her be. But in that awkward position Umi felt her phone vibrated in her pocket and took it out to look, a message from her mother, seemed like a reply to a message Umi sent earlier that night. But it was only for a look as she put her phone back in her pocket, rather, the inner pocket of her bag that sat next to the armrest.

'Eli,' she called, 'should we put Alisa to bed?'

'I suppose it's time, isn't it?' I replied, hesitated for I feared what sorrowing conversation we would be having late.

Never had I thought Umi to be a caring and thoughtful girl towards my sister, to any young child for that matter. She has an elder sister who may had cared for her like a baby sibling, but for someone who doesn't have a younger sibling could suddenly adopt such gentle manner towards Alisa, it was as if Umi was compatible to be an elder sister for her or maybe that Umi was just a family-oriented person. I could never had guessed it, but I liked what I saw. Umi carefully awaken her little sister as if singing in her ear causing Alisa to slowly gain consciousness. It was rather sweet too. They both raised to wobble with Umi accompanying Alisa to her bedroom as I heard them walking through the hall and through the door – I was busy cleaning up the living room leaving the leftover piroshok and the perfectly filled tea cups.

It took some time, but I finally was done, yet curious for their disappearance. I went to look.

Whispers I heard from the hall and clearer when I get to Alisa's slightly opened door.

'…you know you're still too young to talk about it, Alisa,' Umi voiced.

'Неважно,' said Alisa. 'Umi-san, my sister hasn't been at all happy when I came here. I know that it wasn't about the paying bills or school fees or any family matter, but whatever it is, it seems that it's resolving. She's again cheered after so long. Please take care of her.'

In a brink of curiosity, surprised too I moved away and backed a few steps back to where I heard only whispers. It was just my instinct to do so, if I couldn't distance I would close my ears. For something like a private matter, I just wouldn't get myself involved, especially when my name was mentioned.

Then Umi exited not long after I stood still, for it seemed like she had sung a few lullabies. With those bushy brows she lifted as she saw me.

'Don't worry, Umi,' I said. 'I wasn't listening.'

So, we moved back to the living room and sat down on the floor, making the height of the cushion the backrest for us. I took the plate from the table in front of us as I offered the leftover piroshok. She took one, and I moved back to meet her resting and leaning as well.

'How do you like Russian dish, Umi?' I asked. 'Since we've known each other I never really brought you one. I was once going to give you some but I got hungry from walking to school, I hadn't had a breakfast that day… And then I never got the chance.'

'There is nothing to worry, and it is delicious.' She took a sip of the tea too afterwards, helping her drain that beefy taste. 'You know, since the last time I came here it wasn't this tidy. It's impressive how you manage to keep this place spotless but it's a complete opposite when we talk about your council room. Of course, now it is perfect, but back then…'

I turned my sitting to face the same way as her, since I knew what we're bound to talk about. Even Umi couldn't finish her snack.

'Eli,' she broke the silence, 'I'm sorry.'

'It's okay, Umi.'

'I'm really sorry.'

'It really is okay.'

'Come on, Eli,' she turned. 'I was… expecting you to get mad at me.'

'Look,' I folded my legs to the side to face her too, just that I had not realised my hands were touching hers, 'today has turned out great, far better than what I would expect too. I was unhappy when we argued, a bitter time for me but it wasn't entirely your fault. It takes two people to argue, as I said earlier, and I wasn't at my best either. But today was a good day, wasn't it, Umi?'

The girl folded her face frowning, as if she didn't get the screaming and cursing she thought she deserved. 'I'm sorry I messed our… relationship. I know it wasn't one to begin with but whatever it was we had, I've screwed it up. Besides apologising, today, I seek to beg from you to… continue. Continue this,' she gripped on my fingers causing them to interlock, 'so we didn't have to start all over again – I realised how much everything we had was so precious. It is mighty selfish of me to pray this in secrecy, but I wished that you haven't found someone else, someone as close as I was to replace me. _Perhaps someone like her_. I've been salty, mean, rather sinful to that talented girl who confessed to you twice, hoping that she wouldn't advance for you and that you might accept her one day. I'm sorry, Eli, but you haven't fallen for anyone have you? You're not… someone else's, are you?'

But there are just things that I couldn't tell Umi about.

'Oh, my dear Umi,' I said turning her head to face me, ' _this_ , what we have is far from anyone could ever replicate. They could wish, they could curse, but they never take you away from me; nobody could replace _you_. As to your questions…You see, you and I aren't that far different with this, we hide a lot of things from others, to each other. We even hide the same feelings towards each other, don't we, Umi?'

And in that perfect moment, ending for such a perfect day, a phone blocked it all from what it could had been a rather romantic evening that we longed for. A night that I would had kissed her. It was Umi's, even in that silence we could hear it vibrated in her bag, just to make sure we waited for a second assuring it was indeed a call not just a message.

'Eli, may I?' Umi excused herself, tugging her fingers that I presumed was already mine.

Releasing the grip, I finally let it go and allow Umi to answer the call from her mother. With her back against me she took her phone, bent forward exposing her behind to me, so curved, so tempting, so beautiful, her hair flowed side to back so silky too, her scent was so inviting. I wanted to have another hug, but it was just my desires tempting me.

'Yes, mother?' she replied. 'I see. And how long would it take for both of you to come back? And how about Aunty? Wait, where did she go? If that's alright, mother, and father's fine with it. Yes I am.' She paused to look at me for a second and returned. 'Okay, then I will. Good night, mother. Let father know that too. I… I l-love you too. Yes, yes, mother! Good-bye.' She finished with a blush as she put away her phone again.

'Is everything alright, Umi?' I asked reaching for her hair, but I just knew it's not appropriate… we're just high-school students, anything we do then would had been wrong.

'Eli, I have something to ask you,' she said timidly. 'It's more like a favour.'

'What is it, Umi?'

'It seems that my parents are still at the wedding reception, for the daughter of their high-school friend's. They might be home late, and my aunt's family isn't home as well. There would be no one home, no point of going home at all tonight. Sure, I have my maids but…Even if I did return, it's a little dangerous to be outside at this hour. Don't you think so?'

'Umi,' I interrupted, 'would you like to stay here for the night?'

...

And her luscious blush that night was the many things I remembered to this day. This was the first of many nights she would be staying over. But it seemed weird to me, for someone whom I loved, that only with her, that I could control my feelings.


	7. I Am Umi's Unuttered Secret

**I Am Umi's Unuttered Secret**

Chapter 5

...

 **A** few months later, almost a year that it's been with the µ's I was in a secrecy with the others regarding my relationship with this one particular girl… Just that we kept it to this day.

I had just gone out with Umi on another yet beautiful evening. A plateful of waffle ice cream that we shared, fantastic show the street performers made that crowded the street, exciting third movie of the series for such a pop-culture and movie freak like myself, grabbed some five-star fast-food joint by the river (which by the way, do you know what they call a quarter-pounder here?), created fun memories in the museum, got Umi a hair-tie, snacked some more at a café, got ourselves some cute plushies that clearly represent the animals in us, dinner and fireworks, and went to the bench at our park… no, I meant _to our park at our bench._

Just the regular between us.

But that night we went our separate ways quite early because I was just afraid. To be honest, behind that which I shared with Umi, still a couple of things were not so pleasant for me to go on unresolved if I were to get serious with her, far enough I had to keep it quiet from her. _I have grown to love secrecy_ , a girl once told me. Few things of which were to be resolved, so quickly for next few days, with two different people. And these to me were the hardest to bear.

Alisa had come home later than I was, she came through the front door and I welcomed her home. I had not notice this before but as we talked in the living room, for a couple of months she grew close to Honoka's sister, Yukiho. Sure, I noticed the fact that they became great friends and seemed like the two would inspire others to continue our idol group. One fact that surprised me the most, from her stories, was that Yukiho had grown to like Alisa. For it seemed that this, of all fair-unfairness, was one-sided.

Drinks and snacks were eaten, and laughter were out of the system. Now or never, this had to be done.

'Alisa, there's something I have to tell you.'

'Is there, sis?' The blue eyes stared back. 'Is this something you _have_ to tell me? Perhaps this is something that you can let me not know at all, sis? You've always told me that ignorance is not always the same as innocence. But one would bound to cross, and I wonder which one this should be?'

'It is,' I hesitated, 'definitely the truth, Alisa. What bad would it do to not be told? But first, I want to ask you something: what do you think of Umi?'

'Umi-san is very pretty, and she is very kind. I like her the most, thought I mean I like everyone equally, but my favour is for her more than anyone else. But is that the answer you are hoping for?'

'It is, of course it's nothing new than what I've already know.'

'You _are_ my sister.'

'Do you like her, Alisa?'

'I do,' said the shy Alice. 'I love her.' With this she confessed. I went on to brush her hair, so light and fragile, and I am responsible to destroy such beauty and person for my selfishness. 'You like her too, don't you, sis?'

'I love her, Alisa,' I replied still holding the head of hers. 'Nothing more than what you've already known.'

'You _are_ my sister.'

'As you know,' I continued, 'Umi and I are progressing things. And what do you think, if she got herself involved in our lives more than just often. What if she gets to be here, with us, as if she belonged here?'

'What do you mean?'

'Well, like I said! What if, you know, she appears more often in our daily lives? What if she hung around with us most of the time? What if she had her share of… us?'

Alisa giggled. 'What are you saying? I'm getting it that we could spend more time. I would be happy too.' With that I was already satisfied, I pulled her head to me and hugged her. 'Sis, you have a very strange way to ask me for a permission.'

'Because, sometimes I get more embarrassed than Umi.'

'I notice.'

For a few moment I kept her where she was, and my sister had not let me go just yet as well. From here we could not see each other, we could not see our smiles. But if that so, we as well could not see each other's cry, for help, nor anger, nor jealousy. That might be was for the best.

'Alisa,' I began, 'there is no question that you trust her. However, do you trust me? Do you trust me to be with her? I'm afraid, Alisa. I really am afraid.'

'She is not the dark, she's not the lightning or the thunder, she's definitely not a monster. She's not the same one hiding in your closet, and not the one under your bed.'

'Thanks, Alisa. You are not sleeping in your room tonight. But,' I continued to release her, but she just held on tighter. 'But, Alisa, this is more than that. It's my responsibility to take care of her. I have no doubt that she will for me. I'm clumsy, and I am afraid I will break her heart. I'm not special, just toxic.'

'Stop it, sis!' Cried the girl louder. 'She's not just a problem in the school that you _must_ solve! You don't have to plan everything. Especially for something that hasn't happened. You can have a protocol if something fails, but she's a person, sis! You just have to sail with her. The sea is untameable, so you can't control everything. If you are going head-on, just your love is enough token to sail with Charon.'

'Do you think I'm ready?'

To this Alisa made no answer, but she did reply to me, 'if another person were in your position, they would have taken the leap with her long ago. People had been on the edge far sooner than you had, and some had leapt for you too, haven't they, sis?'

...

With that, a case was resolved. I made my crime and I must move on to the next victim.

That night I executed my plan whenever this were to happen, whenever Umi was on the verge of confessing. I knew that well before the date, her face and her actions clearly showed the thoughts. This was my protocol. I knew who would be hurt the most out of her decision and I would be best to consult. It had to be done, no matter how late.

Before I left, after I took a late shower and changed, after I had put Alisa to sleep, she called me out through the gap of her bedroom door. She told me whenever she felt down I always helped her get through it, and that when she feels happy I was able to calm her down. She _is_ my sister, and that it's always heart-breaking whenever she sees me sad but it's heart-warming when she sees me happy. That was because she couldn't do much to help me, especially in this particular reason, and finally she said that she loved her. Not more not less, than how much she does love me.

For my love that was too high, can't come down. It's in the air and all around. Let me live it let me be.

...

The walk to the station, waiting and going on that Marunouchi Line did only take about 15 minutes. Another 5 minutes I took to get out of the station and started walking to the house. But during that last walk it seemed that I took two years.

It was a year full of thoughts and another of regret. How it all came together was beyond my comprehension, not too long ago I was just stepping into Otonokizaka as a foreigner and had a lot of stumbles. A lot of actions I made were based off my logic and analysis, while others were just pure bull and whatever spat out from my heart and desires. This was as if a higher ruler condemned this to be the path I walk. I began to lose hope of the difference between what I now call destiny and fate. _Am I astray to the walk I desire?_ Only few could enjoy the walk, alone, and I never thought hard on which I would choose. But there I landed on the path walk that soon doomed me if I had not played it right. Every step was just another heartbeat, I just had to keep going. There would be no future for me if I had stopped or turned back, because what was behind me was just darkness – the very thing that I could not control.

The only thing that made me stop my footstep was just the door in front of me, which the gates and the garden did not. I swore on my love that I had not knocked. Hesitated over a lifetime, yet the door swung opened.

A great and tall woman greeted me by the door, who had for the last year became the chairwoman, called me familiarly. Still in her evening clothes she led me in through the door.

The woman sat me down in the living room while she prepared some beverages. Quite an extraordinary excellence too. But I should not waste my night there. She said as long as I was there, I could feel at home and do whatever I came to do. With that permission I was led by the woman to the room in which she knocked and let know the owner that I was there.

Over there to let the Pandora's box open, dare to release all. Or was that just a misunderstanding? Weren't there supposed to be two? What if I hope? Or was she just the very last good thing about this world? I alone stayed behind at home when evils fluttered all around, as the revered muse of the old poet of Ascra has told you, she said. But one question remains: does the box meant to preserve Elpis for us, or keep her away?

Who is Pandora in this! Then, who is Elpis in this?

...

'Eli-chan?' Kotori greeted by her door before her mother left me for her. 'Good evening! You took me by surprise, I didn't know you were coming! You should have told me. But you should come in! Please!'

'Thanks, Kotori. Sorry for my intrusion.' I excused myself as I walked into her room. Into the box.

'No, not at all, Eli-chan! You're welcome here.' She swiftly moved about in her room, clearing some costumes she had laid on her bed into her wardrobe, and moved a few things on her table aside and into her drawer too making it clear. 'Please sit anywhere you like. Sorry it's a little messy.'

'It's perfectly fine, Kotori. I don't mind any of it.'

'But apparently I do,' she replied hastily. 'Then if you don't mind, Eli-chan, I'm going to the bathroom for a second.' Still on her toes she picked up a small pocket bag from her dressing table, picked up a few more stuff as well here and there, and went out the room without clearly showing her face since she greeted me.

Before I could reply, she had already gone out of the room with the door behind her. I gave myself a tour of the room before I took that seat she offered. It was spacious, more like my parents' than my own nor Alisa's. I saw that Kotori had a lot of company with the stuffed dolls placed around her room, well decorated with them too. She clearly took the extra effort and dedication to make her room nice to look at and to stay in, but I was sure that it would be nice for someone else to be in here with her. There was a large wardrobe behind me which doors were made of mirror and that all I could imagine the Narnia was the many beautiful dresses she kept that fit her very well – some of which I knew were the costumes for µ's and probably more for her own inspiration and hobby to knit. Next to it was her dressing table with as well a large mirror. On it were few of her makeup and accessories that probably she recently used, but the drawer was unknown, and a girl's is almost always different to others'. There was a B5 spiral note book that had a few writing and colours on too, which I suspect in her spare time, was experimenting with different combinations maybe she once saw on a tutorial. The bed was large, a queen-sized bed as if she was ready to have a company over, so inviting with pillows and more plushies. As I took one last view around, I could feel Kotori's character blended into this room, that it is indeed a place she would be at peace. Only then I took a seat on the patch of carpet by her bed.

It wasn't long until Kotori came back to her own room.

'Sorry, Eli-chan,' Kotori panted as she entered with hands behind her back and closed the door. She was in fact pretty that night, a little more than how I often looked at her. Her cheeks were not the only ones that blushed, her lips were shining, and eyes popped larger than before like _A Kiss from a Rose_. Maybe earlier I had caught her off guard, wearing nothing that highlighted her beauty, feeling embarrassed having someone over, she had to fix herself and do her hair properly. Girl to girl, I knew that feeling very well! But she shouldn't had done that, I didn't mind her however she looked, she's the sweet and kind Kotori. Just that now, she's even prettier. 'I had to take care of some things.' She slipped by me and put her make-up pouch back into her dressing.

'Don't worry about it, Kotori. I should be the one apologising for coming so suddenly.'

'No, no,' Kotori replied no longer exhausted taking a seat on the floor with me. 'I just didn't expect you to come, at night too. I wouldn't have worried if Honoka or Umi to come suddenly, but if it's you, Eli-chan…' The girl paused to finish the sentence to herself. She smelled quite nice. 'So, what can I do for you?'

'I am,' I began, 'just wondering how does being the secretary keep you busy, Kotori?'

'I feel like this is a test, Eli-chan. You asked me this before, but I can't blame you to keep track of how things are. The council has been doing fine independently. Ever since the session you arranged on Monday we've been keeping up with our tasks and well aware of deadlines and management. You can say we have improved well, I begin to see your art in it. Honestly, we were still embarrassed that you had to save us occasionally out of situations beyond our capabilities. I mean, you've trusted us, but it seems that we haven't met your expectations yet, Eli-chan.'

'The council and the student body now are that what I've developed. It took me two years to prepare and one to execute. It's nothing easy but you're slowly getting there. The presidents and their councils I have met over the years are no different.'

'That is our Elichika we're talking about,' she slipped a laughter. 'You can do things beyond our aptitudes. That's the best part about you.'

'And how are you as the secretary been doing? Are you eating and exercising well?' I ran my hands over her arms and down to her hand.

'Please don't talk about food right now, Eli-chan. I'm in trouble if Honoka finds out I'm gaining a little weight, I'll be put under intense training.'

'But you shouldn't cut out food.'

'No, I won't.' With that little pause, her mother personally brought the beverage and small pudding over which we accepted. Between us we arranged a small table and made things a little more comfortable. 'I've been doing all I could to be the secretary. It also means I have to know quite well about the school, for Honoka's or Umi's orders to come through. It's nothing more than what you've already known, except this brings me closer to the Chairwoman. I think it's fine, Eli-chan. I am not a decisive person but I'm good at making those plans come true. And executioner. But when orders are piling, I kind of stress and when that happens, a lot of things are not done. I lose my productivity, I began to feel tired, and it's hard to keep up with the rest.'

'Everyone says their part is difficult. But at the end they got through it. I am sure you will too, Kotori, I have high hopes for you. What I'm more concerned is the wellbeing of my staff and council. It's important to me that they are in their peak of productivity – it came to me that I only look at that, but it's not half false. I do care about my followers. About yours, Kotori. You must keep it all balanced. And another task that I would like to give you is that. I see your kindness and always looking out for others, so please do that as well to the rest of the council. At least remind them so.'

'I'll try my best, Eli-chan.' She gave me a smile so beautifully.

...

As the night went on we arrived at where there was nothing more to talk about. She had shared a lot about her dreams and so did I – many of what she said impressed me. Just a hunch, but since then I already had the feeling that our dreams would somehow be connected (but that is far for the future to tell).

Now comes the main reason for my late visit.

'Kotori,' I called to her who was enjoying her second serving of pudding. 'I'm sure that you're quite aware about things. About Umi and I. You see, we had a meeting earlier today and it all was very nice. We spent the whole day together.'

'Oh,' Kotori stopped to reply with her head down, 'about that. I may have heard it.' And she went silent for a moment playing with her food, before continuing. 'It is not my place to ask,' despite the irony, 'but what answer have you given her, Eli-chan?'

'I have not answered her,' I replied, and she lifted her head. 'She hasn't asked me anything either.'

'H-how come? That shouldn't have been the plan today, she should have said it. Today, Eli-chan, she was supposed to ask you today.' Taken aback by her own words, as if the one possessed her finally escaped the jar, she drew back and lowered her voice. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so loud, but she was going to ask you today. Eli-chan, she was supposed to confess to you today.'

'Yes, I figured.' I hid the locket that tied around my neck deeper as if my high-buttoned shirt was not enough. 'What do think about it, Kotori?'

'I think she should do it. If not today, then tomorrow. And I think you should prepare an answer for that too.' Ending it with a wry smile.

'Why today, or tomorrow, Kotori? You are avoiding this topic and this feeling are you not? I've seen people falling in love and your twinkle is not unfamiliar. Umi can't decide or plan something like this alone, despite her will to do it that I appreciate so much because it's way out of her comfort zone. You are her closest friend who would have something to do with this, and I am sure of it. There are signatures of your own in it, but you reached out to Umi's feeling when she needed. Today she was going to confess, but I stopped her. I just, I just want to make sure it is her own decision, and that I've got the permission from the rest. From you as well, Kotori.'

Kotori was silent and had long stopped destroying the dessert. Her head was down again and closed herself off. 'How long have you known?' She finally spoke.

I moved closer, around the table and meet her by her side, which she turn her back at me let alone showing her face. 'Kotori.' I reached out my hands around and hugged her from behind, met with struggle as if she cringed and trying to break free but I held tighter. 'Please, Kotori. Please. You have to confess it too.'

The girl trembled holding onto my arms as she stuttered, 'I can't. I just can't Eli-chan.'

'Fine, then tell me why you sent Umi away if you felt this way?'

'She,' Kotori began tearing, 'she looks so happy, she looks very much lively when she's with you. She's a better person to be with you, Eli-chan. She's ready to be yours and you should take her.' There we held still and Kotori made her breaths longer trying to speak quickly, though if she made longer speeches she would be caught out of breath for she was weeping and not letting that show. 'Sometimes I think it's not fair. Not fair how the two of you met. And it's not fair that I have to support it!'

Once again she tried to break free, but I just wouldn't let her escape in this situation, but she began turn her body slightly towards me. So I just had to release her.

'It's not fair!' Kotori cried leaping towards me holding me and hugging until I fell off my knees just to keep us up. She buried herself into my chest and wept all the years I had caused her, flooding the emotions out in this room, as long as the lid is closed.

The guilt was overwhelming, that I soon to take away the love of hers into my own. Tears began to fall down my face as well, ruining both of our make up for that night. We were no longer the gorgeous of the µ's but fallen ones.

As time went by her cries had already stopped and slowly was catching her breath – her grip was no longer locking, and I could remove her from myself. I began with my own tears to wipe and then hers. 'Kotori,' I lifted her chin before brushing her cheeks again, 'if you can't tell Umi about your feelings, you have to confess it out.'

With what's left of her energy and heart she smiled. Even with most of her makeup gone, she still could pull off a pretty. 'No,' she said. 'I can't do that to you.'

'Then if so, what if I give you what is fair?' We picked ourselves up to sit properly like ladies once more. 'You do not deserve such ending, Kotori. Your heart is pure, and it does not deserve to be broken. Let me offer you something that repays your kindness for others and their feelings, before and above yours. What if I could give you the best day of your life? What if you could have a date that you deserve? Would you want that?'

'Are you asking me for a single date, Eli-chan?'

'Hmm.' I nodded. 'Just us, and we can do whatever you want. You can have the perfect date that you've always dreamt of. I'm sorry that you have to settle with just me, but I promise to treat you well. Does that sound good?'

'That sounds wonderful, Eli-chan. Yes, I would like to go with you.'

...

Then came the day after, the day I secretly had a date with Kotori. Although it took about 20 minutes to get to her house last night, I spent a little longer for a surprise I made. This was set at 10 in the morning and I had arrived 10 minutes before, just in the nick of time to catch her leaving the door. She was just about to close the door after excusing herself out to her family inside, and with hand over the handle she pulled the back of her boots once more for each, then a quick glance over her window to look at herself and recombed her hair with her little fingers.

Only after she turned around she saw me hanging by the gates, that I did not dare to open before I excused myself. And that made the blushing girl startle. She had white dress with flower pattern for detail and straps over her long-sleeve, which fitted perfectly well and highlighted the stunning figure I never noticed – her three sizes were clearly noticeable.

She ran to through the green fields of spring and met me by the front. She said good morning and I said she looked great, then I took her by the hand to begin the date. I made a purchase online for two tickets, so we had the morning to ourselves until the theatre opened to kill time at a large furniture store. It's a rather unusual place for a date but what we did made it exciting like in _500 days of Summer,_ which luckily Kotori had watched. Recreating that scene was quite entertaining having us wonder around pretending to be prospective buyers, as if we were married couples taking budget and space into account, considering all things such as a new sofa for the living room, whether the pet would like the new scratching pole, or if the bathtub was actually big enough we tried to climb in, a drawer for the guest-room, and most difficult, to pretend arguing that one's mother-in-law might not like that type of coffee table! But we made quite a scene already, we just had to leave before anything got too much to handle and over our heads, I mean, come on, who wouldn't want that mahogany coffee table!

That left enough time for us to buy some drinks and snacks for the movies. I had to agree with Kotori, that the things they sold at the cinema were not great and a little pricy for their size. So, Kotori went ahead to buy tea and sandwich for us to share. She said to be quiet, and not to report her to the authorities for she was about to sneak those in! I wasn't nervous, I swore. After we got through and let the theatre dimmed the lights, after the intro, we pulled out our snacks and finished them quickly. That sure made me feel a whole different experience in the movies although I had already seen the film. As rebels as we were, we still picked up our leftovers and threw them out ourselves when we got out. _Remove the evidence_ , said Kotori.

Now that we had our fun, we made a stop at a restaurant for lunch at Kotori's favourite list. She made two separate lists, though few places were found at both. The first list was her favourite restaurants for the food, while the second was for the date. And this place was one of the second list. Yes, this had a romantic ambiance and live music. Kotori had done her research, she even reserved that morning a table for us by the window. She said it felt like we were in a European café and she was not wrong. Growing up in Russia with few travels in Europe made me see the difference between cultures, and this was based of that in Amsterdam. I could not blame her for wanting this as she wished she could study abroad and experience all that is foreign to her; I just wished I could show her all those. We both had salmon but different cooking, one was spicy mayonnaise and the other was salty with gravy. Once we finished our meals, we hung back to taste the wide tea selection. I had to finish that Pu Erh while Kotori had her Hwangcha (they tasted so bitter but they're for our health!). We came out of that restaurant a little shocked with the bill, because whenever it comes to food, Kotori does not look at the price until the bill arrived. But both of us had prepared for this date, and the payment was split evenly. Kotori felt guilty, but she just had to give me that salmon a taste because it was her favourite.

Before the light of day ended, we came to a fashion district at Aoyama. Kotori had a selection of those shops as well, and we visited the favourites, not just that, because she knew what to look for she had to narrow ten out for today – because for different set of clothes she would have another top ten. This was, she reasoned, the date preference of the shops because they offer various styles and purposes. She later explained that by going there the couple would have a lot of things to try on, mismatching clothes as well. Then there were winter/summer section too, if the topic arose, the couple might spark a vacation plan together. A very nice touch too for a hopeless romantic like the two of us. We got a few things, including accessories, that I personally collected to give Kotori ideas to wear. Then before we topped it off, we decided to try on each other's clothes: Kotori wearing shoulder top and flowery skirt with khaki jacket, while I wear the dress. Of course, we couldn't handle to face each other inside the changing room so we had our backs against while we removed each peace of clothing, passed them and put them on quickly. Then we just laughed how we looked after we turned. My clothes just fit her well and she appeared sharply, while I wore hers quite tightly and a little embarrassed by having to hold my breath just to fit in. And of course, we had swapped back before we went out.

Now that the sun was setting, we had to end the date with a sweet dish of cheese cake I knew well. Despite her love for these, she had not heard of this pastry shop yet since it only became popular after a recent hire for a pastry chef. I had been a fan since long before, and since the popularity the cake indeed got tastier, softer, and extraordinary! We shared a piece and Kotori made a great comment. It was rare for restaurants to do this, but the chef occasionally visit his customers and get their opinion. So, we shared ours, and Kotori made a long sharing session with him, only to be stopped by me so that we wouldn't disturb his work nor his orders. Then we continued to chat, rather serious matter, about future. About our career plans, and how accurate they were going to be.

And just like that we ended the day and headed home. On our way, as I was going to accompany her home, I picked up a few flowers for a bouquet for Kotori to carry like Fortuna with her cornucopia. Though the night was a little breezy, her blush made sure she kept warm.

Finally, we made our stop in front of her gates, where we met earlier that day. Kotori wore the biggest smile of the night after the moon, blushing and tiptoeing. But she looked sad, not wishing this day to end, for it's too early for me to leave her just yet. 'Would you like to come in, Eli-chan?' the only question I remembered to this day that echoes in my head. Her parents were out on their anniversary party with friends, so they would not be back so soon.

Fulfilling her wish, I did. We made sure the lights were on, personal request, and the maid made some drinks and cookies for our night chat in her room. We unpacked her shopping bag and laid it on the bed for us to further admire (for girls with fairly similar taste that top and jeans were cute). The accessories too I showed Kotori and placed them on the bed beside her new clothing.

As we reached our limits, we sat by the floor against the bedside on dimmed lights and opened the curtains to see the night sky. She rested her head on my shoulder and held my hand, so warm and soft – she took good care of her skin. Her perfume was nice and her hair too. And we watch the night went by for a while like that.

...

For it seems like an hour, she moved her arms around mine and turned her body slightly, still having our backs leaning against the bed sitting on the floor.

'What do you think of this date, Kotori? Did you enjoy it?'

'Yes,' she replied a little muffled. 'I really enjoyed it, the perfect date.'

We went silent again.

'Do you really have to go, Eli-chan?'

'Yeah.'

'Yesterday you told me to confess, didn't you? Well, then can you keep it a secret, from Umi-chan?'

'Sure, Kotori. I will keep my tongue.'

She then rose from leaning and against me, to sit on her knees, facing with my hand still in hers. She gave a smile with swollen eyes but not weeping, and breaths seemed heavy she broke through her smile a few times. The joyful and light.

'Forgive me for doing this. I know I'm being such a nuisance in your relationship, hopefully that I wont ruin anything for the two of you. But there's an ache I just must let out, I know it won't be fair to you since you love her, but I have to do it. I have to don't I, Eli-chan?' Kotori tightened her grip and gave a moment of doubt in her smile, but it went away when I smiled back and nodded, brushing her cheek. 'Then, let this be a secret just between us.' She looked down for a breath before meeting me in the eyes again. 'I'm in love so badly. I love you, Eli-chan.'

'Kotori?' I loosened my hand, but it was still with her and I was in utter shock.

'I do not know how long you have noticed my feelings.' She wiped her tear still smiling. 'I'm just happy that you do. It was foolish of me to hide this feeling, to even let Umi-chan have my permission to confess to you, even though,' she paused, 'even though I hadn't fully agreed to it. In the moments of consoling Umi-chan about your relationship, is when I know I didn't have any more chance. But you did give me something special today, Eli-chan. I guess this is just the curse of being someone's best friend, you just had to agree and support, even if it breaks your heart.' Kotori burst out a short cry before she collected herself back. She then again wiped her tears with her sleeves, not letting my hand lose for a second. 'I've acknowledge my own flaw. My mistakes not to pursue you too. There are a lot of memories I made while I've fallen for you, but it was so precious, I don't want to let it go! I have liked someone else before – a funny story I must tell you some day when I was in grade school. I even had a crush on Umi-chan long ago, of course sometimes they come back, and I liked being close to her. And I know now what I feel for you is love, the purest I can give, as much as I can convey now.'

I didn't have any reply for her so far, just to hold her hand as she did. I continued to listen.

'I still don't know,' Kotori giggled, 'what's the point of confessing now. Your ways are pretty much set, I'm only here just as a distraction for you, Eli-chan. I wasn't going to confess to you, not at all. I wanted to keep this to myself, this is my memory and mine to experience alone, especially not to the one I love. It would have been beautiful. But I'm glad I said it. Thank you for all this, Eli-chan. It sure will be a nice end to my love story. But I don't want to say good-bye to you. I love you so much. I… I don't want to.'

I rose from my position and touched her cheek with my free hand, moving closer on my knees and gave Kotori a kiss on her other cheek.

'Eli-chan?' She overlapped my other hand too. 'What are you doing? You shouldn't have done that. I could never erase my feelings this way.'

Slowly I rose from there to stand pulling Kotori too, walking back until the back of my knees touched the edge of the bed. From there I took a seat and pulled Kotori closer until she had to climb the bed over me, close enough for a hug that she sat on my lap at each other's embrace.

 _I'm sorry I never noticed how you felt. You were in love, but you were in love with me._

 _Oh, the suffering you must have to deal with…_

Again I kissed Kotori, by the neck and held her tight, having that made her startle and put her hands on my shoulders, as if she wanted to push me away. But she never did, only to slide her hands behind my back and returned the kiss on my forehead. Then again on my cheek when she lifted my chin.

With a pause, from both of us, as our noses barely touching we held our breaths.

We both knew a direct kiss, from this, would be a mistake, but does that still leave hope?

My hands made their way to her back underneath her silky hair, reaching the zip of her dress to pull down. Kotori made a gasp noticing what I was doing but made no move. As the zip reached the lowest part I dropped the straps off her shoulders and off her arms. However, once her hands were off as well they began to undress my jacket, as if she remembered them perfectly well how to take them off when we went shopping. She too pulled my jacket out my shoulders and my arms, throwing it aside on top of her new clothes on the bed.

The strings of my bra that tied around my neck was pulled off by the same hands afterwards, exposing my nape and shoulders. Barely trying to cover myself, I let her see my collars and enticing her to take a taste. She did, she took a bite just under my neck that caused me to moan her name.

Neither of us were sure who started it anymore, but the both of us were definitely did not stop it. The dress that now barely hanging onto her waist I pulled down that immediately dropped off her legs, and as that happened, she pushed me back causing us to climb further towards the centre of the bed. She wore a neat dark-grey underwear that appeared like a set of matching two-piece lingerie, hung on the waist of the bottom of her hourglass. I held her by the waist just on top of the strap, playing it with my last finger as I felt her healthy and smooth skin so arousing. Before I was pushed down Kotori dug her hand inside of my top and moved it up, feeling my body from the sides lifting it over my breasts showing the bra underneath.

Quickly she shifted to my side, stopping her from devouring me, to use both hands lifting my top over my head and hair. In which she threw aside, just as before. Only with nothing else to hold on, I kept my bra lifted as the ties were undone and I would be exposing myself if I hadn't; in the mean time I removed the hairband and wrap it around my free wrist. And we continued.

Kotori pushed my shoulders down until I rest on my back and climbed on top of me. I returned by kissing her neck to the back of her ears, releasing my hands endangering of my bra being taken off, for lifting her shirt. It was her turn to moan next to my ear calling my name as I did too. Her hands now played under my skirt running up between my thighs so close and dangerously, then around behind until she could feel my butt and underwear, playfully slipping her index underneath it. By then I had made my move too, as I lifted her clothe above her breasts, showing the supple mature shape of her sex-appeal, covered with the matching bra, which I grope and felt half of her skin on my hands. I felt both of her soft and cupful chests as I slipped my index under as well, playing and teasing with the strap until one came off. Only to spark a little step further: lustfully as she continued to care for under my skirt, causes my underwear to be pulled down a little dangerously; as did I to lustfully risk pulling her bra up and over her breasts. We kept exchanging breaths so close to each other, and legs intertwined between us. Her warmth was real to my own body, the stunning figure held against my own.

This was Kotori's body on top of me.

Finally, we arrived at the final act as it depended on the next few moves we took, for there would be no turning back after this. Kotori removed herself off me to use both of her hands finding the zipper to my skirt, while I laid half naked still caressing in front of her, who was hardly covered as well. I had to take my turn, because I would be removing the rest of her long-sleeve after she have had my skirt removed; slowly taking turns but certain.

However, that final fall never came.

As I laid there with bra undone and underwear pulled half way through my thighs, with skirt slightly lifted as I was sure I had already exposed a little of myself to Kotori, she took a rather long time to unzip it. The girl with her lifted lingerie sitting in front of me, with only a shirt left before I lost entirely to lust, only made it half way down the zip.

The girl chuckled. 'It's… It's stuck.' The girl apparently gave up on the zipper and gave a try to pull my skirt down, only to be met with another disappointment.

The flowery skirt I wore was a perfect fit, that the skirt got caught by my wide hips that it never came off and that the strong zipper, a type that was not easily broken, was jammed.

I too broke into a laugh, releasing her breast from my fumble, as I saw Kotori trying her best to remove my one piece of clothing left before _she_ lost entirely to lust. Her fingers were still stuck between my skirt and my skin after her last effort before she burst out in laughter.

With one last tug, as if she could turn the situation around, she was unsuccessful making me giggle one last time. I pulled her head closer that made her climb once more. I held her in embrace stroking the cheek to the hair of sweet Kotori above my own face. Our legs were intertwined again with our skins touching, of our body and thighs, as well our breasts. Except our lips. They were locked in place barely have a gap between for it was almost a kiss.

There, just like that, we spent a couple more minutes at each other's hold, realising this… this was not meant to be.

...

We began to dress ourselves as the night came late. Just like in the dressing room at the shopping centre, we had our backs against each other while we picked up our own clothing, some luckily still on the bed and the rest were on the floor as if they were cheap necessities. I tied my bra again around my neck and slipped out of the bed, to pull up my underwear and to pick up my top. Beside me, Kotori pulled down her bra and shirt, then slid to the edge to pick up her dress.

Then it occurred to me, fixing my skirt back to its position, that the zipper was never stuck and quite easily be pulled up or down while trying that myself. Then I looked over at Kotori who now had her dress made just as she hooked the straps to the shoulders and about to fix the zipper on her back, realising the innocence of Kotori was more mature than my own instinct. That she _is_ the hope left behind and I was the one must leave.

After I wore myself the top that I had chosen for that day, after Kotori fixed her own hair by the mirror, we met in the middle of the room. I continued to tie my hair while she waited for me with a smile and my jacket folded over her arms. She returned it to me, as she was responsible for the one who took it and I wore it back over my top and skirt. I went to my bag to pull out a necklace I bought very early in the morning before our date to show it to her; whilst the locket was well hidden inside. She broke a tear as I put it on for her and thanked me a million times more.

And for one last time, Kotori reached her hands over and my arms around her body, as if familiarising ourselves again, our foreheads touched.

'I have to say good-bye, Kotori.'

'I know. Thanks for everything you have done for me, Eli-chan.'

'I'm sorry I can't respond the same to your love.'

'It's alright, I understand.'

'Don't stop being kind and caring, for me.'

'I can promise that. But the next time you see me, I'll be a different person. Good bye, Eli-chan. I love you.' With both of her hands on my face, she moved a thumb over my lips and kissed over it.


	8. I Am Umi's Delightful Dream

**I Am Umi's Delightful Dream**

Chapter 6

...

 **Y** ears had passed, and I had graduated from college with a bachelor degree I had worked so hard for. It took me a year longer than a few of my colleagues but I had been kept busy. Most of which was from my idol agency, having live performances all over Japan, shows and events too.

At least with this I took familiarity with travels and about a few major cities. Two flights a day was the most I could handle before falling off my throughput.

...

For over three months I went on training at a medical and healthcare corporation, a manufacturer and sales of laboratory testing instrumentation. I studied all that I could most of the skills to be a sales rep, that were social skills and marketing alike. By the end of that training I was given a contract every three months for this was part of the programme, under probation for a year, summing up to six contracts in total before I was relieved.

At this job I was to visit hospitals around Tokyo – as there I was assigned, having their headquarters in Kobe I was called in for a few times too – and I would meet with representative doctors of hospital management for equipment and resources. There just one on one, we would exchange information on existing and offering instruments. Once that was clear I checked their model numbers as a reference to our products. Only then I could make an offer. And I was good.

You see, being a sales rep require charisma to master. But beauty comes within, as the charming points.

However, despite the excitement I was given from traveling, I did not like service our company had to make with their clients. I understood that Japanese companies value clients above all else, but here I felt I was made into a personal assistant to the clients instead. There were times where I had lost my will to work because the whole day I had spent just to accompany a doctor to some event I wasn't related to, not even what the company was related to. This was one of many other incidents of course, but I endured. However slowly I realised too, that I would not grow in this company. The salary was good, and travel fees were paid off, there were regular events in the office, good people too. However, there were as much negatives as there were positives, probably more. The point I hated the most was the crowded commute I had to take in the morning and evening. I was led dry for good amount of money, but I could not develop myself this way. As hard as one would work like this, the directorial position never would be as high as CEO, that there would always be someone above you.

By the end of my sixth contract I was to give evaluation on my time at the company. Without abandoning my professionalism, I made it clear that it was not the job for me, although I was very good at it. Which they agreed, observing and monitoring me since the start, and let me go.

This was how I found myself at Nagoya.

I like the professional career, and I also got a taste of working as sales, but what I hated the most is to work under someone. All those that I would do and achieve only to complete someone else's target, only to be recognised second. My growth would only be sustained, and I am not someone else to control. Moreover, there is always a problem in a corporation no matter how large: paperwork for development are always slow. Things that could be done in few hours would take days, and day-worth of work could be processed in months, and a month of research would only take seconds to analyse, for data that are missing or just that they are useless for the higher-ups. The bureaucracy of these corporates is just messy (hiring too many people would just decrease individual productivity thus resulting work to be delayed; I like to think that positions in a management could be cut down for many of these are just buffer for paperwork). I had thought about it early in my days: complicated managerial structure, so magnificent like the roots of an oak tree, may be good for the business, but many forgot they have to deal with customers (say in a 5-star hotel, the management could be done so well that each person, and literally, would have a single responsibility, but when one waves their hand to order a glass of wine to an overseeing manager, this would take time to call the restaurant manager, to call the head chef, to call the head waiter, to call the overseeing waiter to that table; and that is assuming the waiter for main course and beverages are the same!). My own ideas and proposals were all held back, and the most annoying reason was that my supervisor did not have an interest on these topics, but instead suggested me to help them in whatever event they were trying to hold just to get recognition for participation.

Feeling tired of all these walls surrounding me, that gets taller as I climb, I decided to knock those walls down and took the risk outside. I started my own line of business, just as my parents did – the only difference between ours was the type.

I used to listen to them talk whenever they were around. As I grew older I began to take notes, and they would occasionally bring me along, to get me used to the business life. It was their hopes that I would take over one day, in which I did, but never fully as I left the operation and execution to my aunts and uncles while I sat at the owner's table – though this would happen much later in the years.

...

At 8 that morning I was preparing some coffee. For quite some time I had grown to like them. In one of the overhead cabinets near the fridge was my set of brewer, and next to them were some selection of coffee. I first took the grinder and measure the weight after opening the lid by putting it on tare, so I could measure the net weight of my coffee. For a beginner barista I used the 1:17 rule for brewing; that is 1 gram of coffee per 17 gram or ml of water, for my cup is ideally 150 ml. So, I poured about 17.6 grams of coffee beans into the opened lid of the grinder for I was about to make two cups that morning. Setting it to medium grind after I removed it from the weight measurement, I replaced the lid and stared to turn on the handle. After all those in the top pocket had been crushed into smaller shards, I set it aside because I was to boil the water. While I waited, I preheated the French Press by rinsing it with some of the water. As soon as the water reached 92-96 OC, with a thermometer ready by that cabinet, I poured the coffee into the press and then the water, but only half. For 30 seconds I stirred then I poured the rest of the water. I quickly placed the top lid of the press just above the water level and waited for 3-4 minutes. Only after the timer had set off I plunged on the handle down to push the coarse coffee. And coffee was served.

Umi had already left the apartment a quarter hour ago with Alisa as a company. She had a meeting with a head editor of a book publishing company that Maki arranged by sharing their contacts to us, whom agreed to sign a contract with her. This meeting would be an important part for young writers like herself, as they would brief them the process and regulations. Of course, she was a tad nervous since this would be her first ever meeting with such namely publisher. But I gave her my support, and so did she for me.

We were on our own quests.

We had been living together since we started college, and since then she had been writing a lot (that I had made a few arrangements in the apartment, a private study area so she could focus on it). In her early years she experimented on different areas to see which suited her best, as an author, in which came out great, as stories. Such question could not be answered by me, since I would be bias toward my girlfriend and say, _but all your writing is good!_ Which to her was not helpful. But it was true, as it turned out she had a talent for crime and mystery, a desire for romance and drama, a passion for fantasy. On which she was given publicity to I did not know because she would keep it a secret until things settle smoothly.

With my cup of coffee, I sat by the island counter and checked my phone for all the travel arrangements. There were a couple of emails I received since last night and I made quick peeks on them, marking them accordingly to importance. While I was at it, I checked the weather forecast as well.

As the second hand hit twenty past, there came a bell. _That would be my assistant for this trip,_ I said to myself. I quickly left my coffee and phone to get the door, letting her in.

'Good morning, Eli-chan,' greet Kotori as she entered. 'I hope I didn't make you wait. Has Umi-chan left?'

'She has. We still got a good half hour before we leave.'

Kotori left her luggage next to mine near the utility closet and sat on the empty chair. I went around the island and offered her the coffee. Out of the rest of our gang, she was one who could tolerate bitterness, and surprisingly Nico too recently. Her usual was with creamer and a bit of sugar, and that's what I brought in front of her.

We sat together to finish our coffee, and by 9:04 we had already cleaned up and left the apartment for the train to Tokyo Station. From there we boarded the 9:20 AM Nozomi Tōkaidō Shinkansen (one that only stops at Shinagawa and Shin-Yokohama stations before direct to Nagoya). We had already put our stuff away before we took our seats, I let Kotori choose the window and then we departed.

...

Not yet a quarter of the way I had fallen asleep. It must had been the cold and the quietness that set me up for such a good mood for a snooze. I had been up since 5:30 that morning making sure all my documents were together and packed with all the necessary things, the coffee did help, but not so much.

Almost half way to deep sleep I regained consciousness, slowly opening my eyes to the world that was at an angle. I was resting on Kotori's shoulder, which I soon get off from. Kotori who was looking at the view and wearing her earphones took them off and greet me just like that morning. Complimentary mineral water had already been served, both at Kotori's side with one still half full. Observing the moving view out the window, we were still on the way, just that I hadn't known by how far.

'You seem tired, Eli-chan. Have you gotten enough sleep?' She handed my water as she grabbed her half.

'Thanks, Kotori. I barely had any sleep for a few days, actually.'

'Has something been bothering you?'

'I don't see anything that would. Supposedly I'm always thinking about what would happen tomorrow.'

By then we had turned our bodies like how we always do when we chat. 'I'm also looking forward to it, just don't stress it, okay? I'll help you in whatever I can because I've been studying.'

'I appreciate it, Kotori. Thank you.' I took another gulp of the water. 'How goes your training with the designer if I may ask.'

'Well, for the last week it has been quite relaxing since their team is on a trip, as well. Some were shows and some were events. I think since I'm still a trainee I'm not invited to those yet, maybe soon if I showed them my hard work I could. It's safe to say that my portfolio has been praised and if I could keep up I should be fine, just that my task, while all this is happening, is to create a character for myself.'

'A character? Like someone you should be?'

'More like the characteristics, that someone could easily tell it is my creation. Making the art to me is quite easy, but to relate it back to myself is not so much.'

'I see. It's like having your own unique voice that people can tell that it is yours.'

'Exactly, Eli-chan. Let's just say that this trip is me finding my other half.'

'That sounds romantic.'

'I made it sound so, didn't I?'

As we snickered on I started to notice the view behind what was already a lovely sight, 'Mount Fuji,' I pointed out. Towering tall piercing the sky with its snowy top, in the foreground were fields of green. It was just as I remembered when I went to Kyoto with Umi, almost exact replica of memory. Only that this time it was spring. The colours were painted awfully soothing, from the blues of the sky to the greying distant mountain to the green grass and trees. The whole thing, just very scenic.

But I wondered if someone else, if Kotori, saw the same colours as I did just because they were called the same.

...

For the last 10 minutes the train had slowed down as we enter Nagoya passing through high-rise buildings, all closely packed just like Tokyo, and towards the centre buildings kept on getting taller until finally we reached the station. We were two of few who got off. This city was unfamiliar to both of us, but at least Kotori had been here once. The signs were not as clear nor as colourful as in Tokyo, but they were informative, and we got ourselves through the station and out the eastern exit.

From there, we walked still pointing east through a shopping centre, where we stopped by to get some light meal at a corner restaurant for some pasta and salad. Still on the short walk of about 600 metres, we bought some drinks and snacks from the convenience store for later, before finally crossing the road and arriving at our hotel. It was a 4-star hotel strategically very close to the station, and very expensive. However, there was a deal off 63% for that week and we couldn't just let that offer go for ¥ 10 000 per night, for which the first night would be reimbursed.

Over the reception counter we checked in under my name, at the same time we pre-checked in for the second night under Kotori's name. To make payment of first and second night separately, we made it so. It was also because we requested the same room to avoid complications on us. As soon as we got our keys we made our way to our room of 610 by the lift to the sixth floor, and finally entered.

We both already admired the spacious and quality of the room just from the door, like kids at the entrance of a playground. I explored the bathroom, there was a bath tub and a shower head looked so modern, while Kotori split open the shade curtain and looked at the city view. We returned together and checked the rest of the room. And at the centre of it, one king-sized bed.

Before we closed the door, we took our luggage from the hall, which we almost forgot, and we threw ourselves on the soft and cool bed. There we rest until evening.

Around 5:30 PM we had taken our turns in the shower and changed to a formal wear. I packed my notebook and few documents into my bag and we went out to neighbouring hotel, at Marriott. There in the restaurant, after two hours and ¥ 11 000 to bring me from Tokyo, I met the managers of appointed at 6 for dinner. There were 5 of us in a table: a plant manager, project manager, purchasing manager, and myself and personal assistant.

In this first meeting, after welcoming us to Nagoya, the home of Toyota, we talked as if it were an interview. It wasn't about me, for that was just casual-formal talk, but more about the company I had brought for I would be a new player in their projects to come. It was sight for sore eyes for there had been side deals, or what they liked to call it, _mafias_ within purchasing department and the sales of tenders that favours would fall for those who are not qualified, instead they played with money under the table that would win them – and the three managers of wise would like to end it with a new system. Kotori helped me at a few areas, as she studied my business for this sake too. Amazingly, she responded well and kept the talk going, as if this was an interview about herself. For a moment I felt a total sync between us. Until the end of dinner, we tried our best to keep it that way.

Finally, before we parted ways, I gave them my business card, as a compulsory even though they already had my email. Even later Kotori asked as we walked back, it was just manners in business.

As we returned to our hotel we made a visit again at the reception, to make a wake-up call to our room in the morning at 5:30. Then we went to rest before bed.

...

As much as I tried to sleep I still could not. It had no effect when I flipped my pillow to the cool side. I had changed to few positions but still I was restless, I could close my eyes but nothing further.

Kotori on my left was on her side, facing out the window to the stars. She was quiet, and it seemed that she had fallen asleep long before I noticed.

Even at that distance I could smell Kotori's hair, just as how I remembered it 5 years ago in her bed. No matter what she said, or did, I always remembered her being the girl who loved me once. It did not matter also if I turned my head away, I still remembered her figure well, and adding oil to the fire, she's now a healthy 22 years-old young-adult and had grown quite beautifully. Her bust had developed larger and her hips curved rounder, I couldn't help but notice them even more at this point. Before I realised I was already an inch before touching her back.

My hand was already on her waist feeling the end of her ribs before her waist start to curve the shape. I still had not heard a sound from Kotori, but this made my heart race and closer to Kotori's head and hair. From here the smell was even stronger, peaking my senses and temptation while reason at bay. Slowly I reached the front of her tender stomach where I found an opening of her night shirt and started to feel her smooth and warm skin on my fingers. It all came back to me, the memory of how exactly she felt like long ago, only to be found curious by how she turned out now, wondering if her scar on the left hip had faded. I breathed quicker near her ear, heart beating uncontrollably, and my hands reached inside of her shirt pulling her closer to me. On her silky skin I slid myself until I could feel her few set of ribs on the other side.

Only until then Kotori overlapped my hand she slowly turned her face back to me. She had another hand covering her mouth right below her blushing cheeks and droopy eyes. 'Eli-chan,' she called out with her breath. With her legs that slid between mine, she turned her body slightly. Her chest was pacing as quickly as mine, finally she removed her hand stroking my warm face. 'Are you still having trouble sleeping?' She spoke with face so close to mine breathing on each other.

'I'm,' startled as I begin to realise what I was doing, 'I'm sorry, Kotori. I didn't mean to.'

In her blush and heavy breaths, she smiled turning her body completely to me, 'The night gets lonely when you're awake, doesn't it? I'm sorry I've left you alone.'

Now my hand that was under her shirt slid to her bare back. With eyes locking and our bodies so close in this cold night, we looked for warmth even under the blanket. I continued to run my hand, now on her spine moving up, until I notice she wasn't wearing a brassiere underneath, it was somewhere near her birth mark on her left shoulder blade.

Kotori gasped wider as she closed her eyes and stretched to what I did, making her body touching and pressing onto mine. With this she held onto my neck and spread her fingers as wide as she could, feeling my skin as I was to her. 'Tell me,' she said still troubled by her breathing, 'tell me what's keeping you up, Eli-chan. Tell me what you want.'

There I stopped myself, still feeling her back I kept it in there. She was trying her best to keep it together, but she could still pull herself by my neck and strip the only two buttons I had on my night gown. 'It's Umi,' I replied.

Just like that she stopped before she could kiss my collar and pull down my gown off my shoulder. 'What about Umi-chan?' For a pause with my silence, she finally raised her head to look at me in the eyes, but gems of yet acquainted, unfamiliar. Rubbing my lip with her thumb as she looked at it, reminded me of the kiss. 'I think I know, Eli-chan. The reason why you're having trouble that is.'

'Kotori.'

She put her head down again and reached my hand to pull it out of her back and the shirt, bringing it in front of her chest as if hugging it like a pillow. 'I think it wouldn't be fair if you think about her, like this, Eli-chan.'

That became the last memory of the day as the dark turned into silence, lonelier than I already was.

...

The next morning, I woke up to the call from the receptionist as we requested, over at my side of the nightstand I answered. With that I picked myself up and stretched my neck as if I took a bad sleeping position. Kotori, as I looked over, was just like how I left her. She was sleeping on her side facing the windows not making a sound – untouched. Slowly she turned and yawned with all the ruckus I made talking on the phone. She asked whether it was the receptionist and began to stretch too. Even before me, she got up and went to the bathroom smiling with her eyes hardly open, saying she slept like a log.

After quite some nights, had I finally slept well and dreamt? That morning, were my buttons still on?

By 5:35 I had my suit laid out and so did Kotori's – ones that she picked up herself just as earlier meeting. Our attire for today was not so formal as we would meet the workers and professionals as well. We had blazers over our blouses and skirts, of different colour and design. By 6 we had taken our turns in the bath and dried our hair before leaving for breakfast.

We took our work handbags, and an additional cotton bag for the road for the both of us. As we relaxed after we ate over at the restaurant for coffee, I got a mail at 7:30 as a reminder that our car was available for pick up. Then we left after finishing the cups to go to the car rental service, just across the road not so far from our hotel and the station. There we picked up, as one of the managers suggested, the new hatchback 2018 Corolla. The car was elegant, modern, which later I found out very comfortable, and not to mention hot red! I liked it. At the back we put our bags and we drove south-east taking the toll road towards Toyota.

It took us about 45 minutes to get to the factory outside the city and by 8:45 we waited by the sofa in the lobby. The meeting was set at 9 and right on time, we were called in. This was a project kick-off meeting. There we met again the three managers, in their uniform, a plant operator, and one from maintenance. The meeting was run more casually (just as Kotori predicted), where we talked more about specs and other details of our schedule – Umi's brother in law had introduced me to his cousin of about the same age handling technical building and construction, joining as my sub-contractor for this and a few more projects to come. My clients were specific about key requirements of my designs and the project, while Kotori was very helpful jotting down notes and asking for clarifications.

The actual content of this meeting, of course, would be held confidential by my company and Toyota.

As we reached our final minute, I took some time to discuss few more details from example or past contractors for reference, while Kotori took care of the working contract and the safety standard of the plant as the bill of quantities and quotation had been made – on the side, she also discussed how the reimbursement would be done, scheduling revisions and a visit by one of our staffs.

By 11 we finished our meeting, and the objective of our travel had been completed.

...

'Quickly', I said pacing us as fast as we could back to the car still maintaining our professional figure. Even Kotori was confused to why we would leave so suddenly, wondering if I were uncomfortable or bothered, or was it that I had a bad feeling about something. Even nervously I unlocked the door and got myself into the driving seat basically jumping in and closed the door. 'Quickly', again I said to her.

'What's wrong, Eli-chan?' Warily Kotori asked and slammed the door on her side. 'Are you okay?'

With my palms I covered my face and screamed muffled, stomping my feet on the carpet. 'Oh my God, Kotori. Oh my God!' I said still covering myself. 'Kotori!' I turned to face all red and sweating.

'You're making me worry, Eli-chan. Tell me what's wrong?'

'M-my first client,' I said to her. 'They are my first client.'

With sight of relieved she exhaled in a childish way and she laughed covering her eyes. 'I thought you were talking about something important for a second. You had me racing for a bit, Eli-chan.'

'But it _is_ important,' I countered. Kotori looked at me still with her smile tucking her hair to listen. 'I-I've come so far, figuratively and literally to be where I am now. There were a lot of tests I had gone through, and I've been rejected by a lot of banks for this start-up loan. Even gathering a small staff is not an easy task especially for someone so inexperienced as myself. There… there are few who discouraged me to do this, who do not deem it wise… Said that it was too risky, everything about it was. Instead of wishes of good-luck all I got was just warnings.' I grew a smile. 'Now look where I am. I-I mean where _we_ are! We're making deals with a client.' Then came a pause to me, soon fading away my cheer, locking my sight to Kotori. 'But now I'm thinking what if it all were true. If this was just a mistake, shouldn't I have just quit while I'm ahead?'

'No,' Kotori replied, reaching her hand to brush my swollen cheek, clearing the tear on my face with her thumb. 'There are always going to be hardship going your way, Eli-chan. From now you won't get to slack even for a summer. But you are a risk-taker. And that makes it better because you're the one who thought about and decided it – there must be hundreds and thousands of scenarios running in your head before you take a foot. Because of that, there will be people who would follow you. Let this first project be an example of how qualified and potent you are, build up your name, so from now on you must work harder. But for today, just today, you deserve a celebration. Today you have done well, Eli-chan. And I'm proud of you.'

Her soothing words made a whole new smile drawn on my face. I continued to loudly express my joy over and let all leave my system for a good 1o-minute, only to have Kotori cringing beside me in embarrassment, wondering if people could hear us.

With that over, we drove back towards the hotel, making memorable stops along the way.

As we hit the toll road again, we made a short stop at a rest area to refill and restock our drinks, and to change to our casual clothing – which again, Kotori had set up. This was the holiday we both longed for since forever. We had sunglasses on, tie sandals on our feet, and soda refreshments. Hav I mentioned that our car was hot red? It was just the two of us, cranking music and on the road. We felt like the girls at Aerosmith's _Crazy._

...

Since we were already outside the city, we decided that we might as well visit some natural sights. Most popular that far off was the Korankei Valley, about 20 km from where we were. We took the toll road again to our east and we arrived by noon, where the sun was set high and skies were blue. The panorama was mesmerising from the Taigetsukyo Bridge, as it was the most iconic here. The village and the houses around were still traditional, only renovated or improved but never changed, they said. It was a shame, for at the months of autumn the place would be stunning, though we did not regret for a moment that we had come there. At the bridge, the shrine, and few places around we took pictures. Only after a short while we had already been recognised, as people still remember us as members of µ's, and us as idols otherwise. It's not that we hated it, but we felt guilty to take the spotlight from nature. And before we begin our journey west, we took our lunch boxes that we ordered at the hotel and enjoyed them with view of the river.

Our next stop was quite distant, as it was Higashiyama Zoo and Botanical Gardens, a shy of 40 km from the valley, but that brought us closer towards the city. On the way we made a stop for half an hour after refuelling where we rested enjoying honey milk tea and talked to a traveling couple from Tokyo as well, heading towards the zoo but we left earlier since they had just arrived. Since the sun was pretty shining that day, I needed my shades, but I had put them in my bag when we stopped. So, Kotori who had her seat leaned back and legs folded making herself comfortable, looked for my glasses but couldn't find it, making her take off hers from her head and put it to mine, while she kept looking.

It was packed at the zoo and it took us some time to find a parking spot. When we finally did we hurriedly lined for the entrance and we got in surprisingly quickly. There we went around the park in a clockwise direction just according to the show times for these attractions. We started from gorillas, the elephants, hippos, then the wolves, to the sea lions, polar bears, then the tigers and finally the lions. This took us more than 2 hours and we haven't even gone through the garden yet. It took us all the stamina we had just to walk that far, and the sun had almost set giving a rather dull light for the garden visit. However, when we went to the Sky Tower for food before we leave, we met the couple again. It so happened that they spent their time in the garden not yet to the zoo and we got to share the summary of our visit from both sides. When the young lady asked Kotori to accompany her to the bathroom, the young gentleman told me he was going to propose to her somewhere in the city. It sounded sweet, and when Kotori returned she already had a full-on blush, as if the lady told her she knew about the plan. Then we parted ways as the couple drove to the city.

But we didn't.

...

Kotori had a matter to attend, northern of the city by Kita-ku. Her mother had a friend who lived in the area and it would be nice to visit. Kotori did mention this to me and I gladly come along with her, to get to know the family too I suppose, it was the least I could do for Kotori at this point. She also let her mother's friend know we were coming, with her showing the map to the house.

Just by looking at them, not that I was to judge but from this neighbourhood only, it seemed that the people living in areas of Nagoya do not really rely on the economical status of their families as I saw houses of riches next to few poor and unmaintained. It was unlike Tokyo where people clusters that we could differentiate areas and named them high- or low-class residential area. Somehow, it made me feel content.

'There,' called Kotori pointing ahead, 'the wooden house on the right, one with the gates.'

I pulled up the car to park next to a Subaru, without disturbing the main road as it was on a narrow street. 『佐々木』 (for Sasaki) was written in front by the gates, and it was surely not anyone I recognised from when I was in high school.

Kotori took the lead and knocked on the door, when an older woman, somewhere in the age of Kotori's mother to mine, came to us. 'The bell doesn't work, dear,' she said. 'And a knock like that wouldn't be heard by the people inside.'

This woman was the one Kotori came to meet. She was out to buy some refreshments and came back with a lot more. Then she let us into the traditional house, and as I said before, this house was rather large and in great condition despite having their neighbours of different status. In the living room we talked, and Kotori so formally to the woman. She also insisted us on having dinner there, and we couldn't refuse the offer as she had made plenty.

As we headed to the dining room, we saw the food had already been prepared before us. All that were missing were the drinks, and she took a couple of minutes to make. Kotori and I sat next to each other while the woman sat in front. The table was a set for 6, but the food for 5. So, we were expecting others to come, probably her husband, the son or daughter?

The water for tea had boiled from the other room and the woman called for dinner to the rest of the house. There were more footsteps in the kitchen than there were people, I thought. But the woman came back alone and sat, while the others prepared the tea for serving. She continued to talk to Kotori, when suddenly came from behind the tea, served by the daughter of the house, with face so familiar except the hair. In her clothing so nicely, she had narrow yet clear eyes sparkled like before, small mouth of cute, and a short-cut hair that ended a little above her shoulder, longer to one side. Who was this? The girl was slender, rather tall too, about the age of 25. She was pretty. But I didn't realise who it was until too long I took to think; and why I had found her attractive.

'Here's the tea,' said my senior, my first ex-girlfriend.

In shock and confusion, I froze without saying anything.

'These are my daughters,' the woman introduced.

Came a head from behind my ex, a smaller and younger girl looking like she was in middle-school. 'Welcome, please make yourselves at home.' The girl timidly held onto her elder sister's apron.

'It's nice to meet the two of you,' Kotori said.

And from behind, the younger girl tugged a little more on her sister to excuse themselves to sit by the table too, my ex in front of me and the sister at the end of our side.

In that awkward situation, mostly frightening for me, and most delightful for the woman, we ate dinner.

...

There was not much of a talk, for the first time that I had sat dinner. Small talks were made, mostly between Kotori and the woman, sometimes with me, and between the two sisters checking on each other's food.

It was hardly silence in my head.

After we finished the fine supper, the three ladies of the house took our empty plates and cleaned them, while Kotori and I made our ways back to the living room.

'Air,' I said wheezing, 'I need air.' From the side of the living room I opened the sliding doors that revealed the small garden that lit by the night lights at a few spots, and all around a path circling a small grounded fountain. At the edge of the wooden floor I dropped down to sit on the edge breathing the night air as much as I could, cool air entered my lungs.

'Are you alright, Eli-chan?' Kotori sat on her shin and knees next to me, with a gap to make sure she wasn't suffocating my air.

With a few nods I replied her and went quiet. Kotori took her patience and sat soundlessly too looking over the garden in front of her, thinking whether it was the mother who took care of it all, or the father, or the two sisters.

After some time, Kotori asked me again. 'Are you alright?'

'Yes,' I replied. 'I just need to sit down for a while.'

'You've been sitting quietly for quite some time. Aren't you going to say something? At least to me, Eli-chan?'

'I don't know where to begin. Why are we here, Kotori? How do you know them, how do you know _her_?'

'As I said before, we are here to visit the family of my mother's friend. But it wasn't the woman, she's the wife, it was the husband. He's on a business trip to his head office in Tokyo, meeting and events with the railway company. I thought he was going to be here too, but that wasn't the case.' She slid closer, after looking back at the gap of the door. 'As to your second question, I know who she is, but I never met her. There's a lot of things I picked up being the daughter of the chairwoman.'

'So you know _who_ she is?'

'I do. And I know she's living here.'

'Then why are you bringing me here if you know how the story went?'

'For some time, Eli-chan, I have been wondering that I, that we, never knew the story from your side. I confirmed things with Nozomi-chan and Nico-chan about what I knew, and everything that I heard was the same as to what they have seen. They were only half surprised that I knew it all. I've been digging and on research for a while after that, many of the stories were told and passed on, by those who saw. There are things that I thought do not add up. So, behind my work and my social life, I've been stalking on the internet. I tracked out a few people and one of which happened to be her, Eli-chan – it's easy to find information on the internet these days. I've found where she lived and asked my mother if she had kept contact with her friends. There were seniors that I knew while we were at school, I contacted them recently too.'

'Kotori, you shouldn't have. Why are you doing this? Does Umi know?'

Kotori shook her head. 'As far as I know, Umi-chan only learned from what Nozomi-chan told her, and I have told no one about this meeting.' Kotori paused, checking again behind us if the family had already returned, but they hadn't. So, Kotori continued. 'There things about this story that is not complete. I wanted to ask and confront you for so long too, but I thought I would invade your privacy.'

'And do you think this is any different, Kotori?'

'This is different. When I had given up my love for you, Eli-chan, I had given up a lot more. Many of which are as small as this, including. Then after, how long, 5 years? I have learned something by accident. And there are things now, that I think, might not be the other better half that you know but the half as good than you do.' Again, Kotori made a look behind and it was her final peek. 'You are growing your own business, and this seems to be the best time, than never, to finally end this. Who knows much time left until you start a new life with a wife. All I can say is, if you still are afraid, as nervous, and out of character, you better make those feelings go away. Otherwise it wouldn't be fair to the girl you love.'

'Excuse me,' voiced from the gap of the door from the living room. 'May I talk with Eli for a minute?' The voice belonged to none other than my ex, and only Kotori turned her head to face.

With a nod she turned back to me, holding my cold hand and my cold cheek, making sure I stayed warm. 'You are strong, Eli-chan,' she said in a lower voice. 'And I admire that the most about you. I believe that this is the closure you deserve.' For a second or two she kept her hands where they were, smiling and taking her moment before letting me go. She stood up and walked behind me to make a small whisper to my ex, then exited the porch and to the living room when she finished.

Slowly creeping, my ex found her way to where Kotori was sitting and took knees as well. 'How are you, Eli? It's been years since I saw you.' She turned her head so very often that I avoided her look as much as possible.

A half-hearted smile, as much half as thought and effort, I replied, 'I'm doing alright. I hope you've been doing as well.'

'I am. Since the work I've told you at the café, I've been managing. Actual managing at a hotel over here.'

'How does that work?'

'Well, in the hospitality industry, rotations and recruitments are very common, part of the big deal, if you might call it. People are let go and hired almost all the time. In my early years I was one of them, no matter how hard someone tries, except if they got connections, try-hard is just not a competition. And I'm half of those. I followed my boss to few management agencies, and they passed my name around, until finally I got a hit. A big-shot entrepreneur in his late 30's, divorced, trying to get his hands on a few hotel business and he needed people. From there, things happened, and I got managerial position after two years.'

'I guess you're doing well. Where are you working now?'

'Nagashima Hotel.' Just with my stare, she nodded. We both knew how big that resort was and the pay! I chuckled to myself in amazement how far this person had gone. 'Money's okay, and I get three days off the week. I get to transfer some money home, and it's good so far.'

'So far? Aren't you going to climb up the hierarchy?'

'As I said, people get in and out quite quickly. Right now, I'm just a low-level manager, nothing too sure to tell yet about further promotions and bonus, etcetera. This tourism business is not so stable, it depends on a lot of things to fall. Just that right now, people like to go to Nagoya and visit that part of the bay.'

We went silent after that, and I drank some warm green tea that I just noticed were served for us.

'How's living in Tokyo, Eli? Have you been good?'

'There's nothing more than what you already know. I've launched my business and I'm still cautious being a new player in the field. And unlike you, I'm a little short on cash for a lot of things in this business. But I'll get there.'

'That's good.' She took a pause for her drink. 'I see that your girlfriend is nice, and attractive. A little fierce in the eyes but I guess she's not to blame. How are things going with her, this the girl you plan to marry is she not?'

 _Umi?_ I thought. 'That's not a business of yours is it?'

'No, I suppose not. But she cares for my sister and I appreciate that. I'm not surprised if she's close to yours as well.'

'She is, as if her own. But since when do you have a sister, because you never mentioned her?'

The girl with sharp eyes stared as if I had just come to her and asked her something so sudden. 'She's my father's daughter, Eli.'

'No kidding there.'

'She's my step-sister.'

'She is?'

Like precepting a wicked joke of the unethical, she processed it all. 'Is this what she meant by not knowing much of it? Eli,' she took off her seat and landed on the pebbles of the garden with hands in front as if she were stopping me. 'Please, tell me you know what happened back there. Please tell me, you know why you stepped out of the line!'

'What line are you talking about? You kissed another person, for God's sake! Don't talk to me about misbehaving, let alone cheating.' I too stepped out.

A single laugh broke out of her stomping around with her hands on her head. 'Eli,' she turned to me again, 'you basically insulted me and my mother.' She stopped at a distance looking, still processing it as I too, and we went silent for a second. 'I guess you never found out. I thought all these years you managed to know somehow.' My ex returned to the wooden porch and sat.

'What are you talking about?'

She took a smile as she held back a tear. 'Eli, my parents got divorced when I was in middle school. I spent half of my studies moving around with my mother, wherever she could find a job. The last, being in Tokyo, I moved in at second grade. A year after that I met you.'

'You,' I startled, 'you never said anything about it.'

'No, I never wanted to. If the topic should come up or that you'd ask, I'd tell you the truth and all of it, but otherwise I would just avoid it. I never blamed myself for my parents splitting up, that's on them, but I blamed myself for _us_ having to break up.' She stood up again kicking about the pebbles that annoyed her. 'I was going through a lot and I got depressed, being labelled a bully or rebel is not enough to give me a damn. The girl you saw was my childhood friend, we got separated a few times, but we came together again in high school. Yeah, I was already in a relationship with you at the time, I shouldn't have let that kiss happen, but I did. I was weak, I needed someone to talk to who knew the situation, at the time, it was her. To be honest, I don't know what would happen if you didn't see us. Was I going to choose her, or for you, I wouldn't know.'

'If it were me, I wouldn't choose someone who could jeopardise my school or anything alike.'

'Yeah, that's the same you talking 7 years ago, and the you talking right now. But she wasn't the one who caused me the expulsion. After what you said to me, I felt crazy, and depression is a dangerous thing, Eli. They make you see things the way you shouldn't; madness is only an easy way out. I went home and screamed at anything I could find. I went to counselling after that, missing school basically, promising I would still go to school but no, I'd rather stay at home. It was official, and I had to live the rest of my high school days labelled "expelled" on my forehead. But still, that doesn't make me care. So, we moved north, and I finished my studies there, falling behind a year. I took a college, got a degree, and worked. But while all that was happening, knowing I went to see a shrink, your girls' mother introduced her friend to us. My mother had grown a liking even though he's years younger, and he too got a daughter. Apparently, his wife died a few years after the daughter was born. I rarely see my mother for her work, she barely has any social life beyond what was me, and yet she found someone. And now they've become my step-father and sister. Now she doesn't have to work anymore, she can take care of us, something that she missed long ago. What brought me here was my father's job, and that my family is living at Nagoya, I searched for a job as soon as that rotation happened.' By then her steps had already stopped and standing before a plant, the only one left behind on flowering. 'I've never talked, not even seen my real father since the divorce. The only words I last heard was that he died after a long sickness – I never met my half sister and brother. Gosh, if I were to get married I had to at least get in touch.'

I stood silent looking at the ground.

'Come on,' the girl, now member of the Sasaki family, cheered and called. 'You don't have to look so down. Suppose I was at fault, I _was_ at fault. But you didn't know a whole lot of it. But hey, look at it now, I might not be here as happy _and successful_ if we hadn't broken up. I like to think about how good life is now, than thinking how things might happen if I haven't done this or that. I got to hurt you then, and I am sorry. I'm destined to be hated.'

Slowly I took my steps on the pebbles towards her and bowed my head. 'I'm sorry, for everything that I have done. I'm sorry that I never come to understand your situation. I'm sorry that I caused you your reputation and your life.'

My ex lifted my shoulders with a laugh, only realising I was crying. A little alarmed she was, like an elder sibling causing the younger one to cry, knowing trouble was going to come when their parents found out. 'Hey, hey, please don't cry. And please don't do that again, I'm not so good at consoling crying girls.'

I buried myself on her letting my tears flow for the ache I had felt, fear, and scars were all just abundant. It all went away. 'I'm so sorry.'

My ex, the expelled, stood still rubbing my shoulders, as best as she could to console. 'As much as I like it, I now have a boyfriend. Knowing my history with girls, he would pay anything to see me like this. But should you ever visit Nagoya again, be sure to contact us. I want you to meet my father and how kind he is. Maybe the next time you come here, bring your girl again. Or with a ring on her finger, or even with a kid who can call me Aunt Cruel, eh?' Just how could she, to dare make a joke at a time like this.

With that, our second night at Nagoya ended. We said our good-byes to the new Sasaki family and thanked a thousand times more. Kotori took the keys off my hands and insisted on driving us back. On the way we made no stop. Just direct to the car rental service to return the car and walked back to the hotel. This time we made no request on the wake-up call but straight to our room.

Kotori unpacked all the things we brought, including the clothes, while I drank half a bottle and sat by the bed looking out the window. There were no stars.

'I should fire you, Kotori,' I said stretching my legs and feet.

She climbed the bed from behind and put her arms around me. 'How does it make you feel, Eli-chan?'

'Like a whole lot of my heart just opened up.'

'Then it's worth it. Just don't forget to pay me, okay? And the royalty we discussed.'

We laughed but we barely had any energy left in our systems, but it's a laugh that I felt so comfortable like I was at home. I turned around and gave a peck of kiss on Kotori's cheek.

I didn't know why I did that.

Even Kotori blushed fast covering her cheeks with her hands. 'W-what are you doing, Eli-chan?'

Without a word I stood so confused, then I practically ran away to the bathroom to take a bath. The longest bath I had ever taken, thinking it would be mid-day by the time I got out.

Barely making any eye contact, I told Kotori the bath's hers. She went and said her thanks, but she didn't make the eye contact too, but if she did I was sure it wasn't hers.

And we went to bed, for me, another dreamless one. Or so I thought.

...

This was one of the rare occasion, for just only a dream would be so rare this time, but this was one of the nights I had a sex dream. Umi, someone I hadn't seen for some time, finally appeared again in a dream. Was it because I missed her so much? Or maybe because Umi and I hadn't had sex in a long while? I couldn't tell. All that I could was the dark and long hair of hers bounces around as she moved.

Dream Umi had herself climbed on top of me, the both of us, on the bed of our apartment in heat and naked. She cleared her hair of view of her slim body, before she took my favourite position and rocked the bed with my fingers inside her, having the time of her life enjoying the very sensation of it. With not the satisfaction she wanted, moving vigorously was the way she wanted it.

Her eyes and the stare was Umi's as I knew so well. She wanted it differently now, as she got off and turned me around on my stomach before putting her fingers in me. Making such embarrassing noises I cried louder only to be met with Umi's spot on pressure.

Umi turned me again spreading my legs wide eating me as if she had not had a taste for days. Holding my legs down in strength I could only grasp whatever bedsheet I could, for she was an expert at my own body.

As if I hadn't satisfied her, she pulled out to collect my legs together and lift them to my side only to finger me again. I stretched out my arm to pull her but she didn't let me.

But that part of the dream ended there but for another that night.

The dark of night started to engulf me, fading all those away and to pitch black taking me down the valley, a little further in. A little more sand. A little bit of dream.

Like sleep paralysis, I couldn't move, only my eyes and my thoughts were with me. My whole body felt hot and burning, my palms were sweaty and my lungs out of air. Slowly light came back to my eyes to see myself on the hotel bed of 019 naked and wet, only with my underwear, one that I was wearing that night, still strapped onto my left thigh and nothing else, barely holding on. Beside me to my right, Kotori only had her bra and was lifted above her large breasts, and nothing else but sweat. Her hair was a mess like mine like the bed. The brassiere was the same to that she wore that night too, seen through the gap of her collar earlier. She was breathless, and her face was blushed from ear to ear, a little twitching while her legs were still spread as if she just had someone climbed on top of her and wore her before she came.

She was already holding my hand, a little too tight, before she turned her body forcing herself to craw to me, and finally climbing on top just how Umi did, but she faced the other way. From there she reached behind to release her bra, sliding her arms one by one and set it aside gently unlike the rest of our clothes on the floor. There, she put my fingers by herself as she moaned a little and started to move. Her har swung around along with her movement up and down, hitting me a few times whenever she drew her head back. This is her favourite position, even though her flexibility is amazing that makes exploration of new positions just exciting and exotic, she prefers it this way.

For a while she had been faster, the moans were somehow silent, just how she was like Umi in the first dream. But she climbed too quickly as she enjoyed herself that she would not want to come so quickly. She pulled my fingers out herself, looking at them afterwards realising how enthusiastic she had become, and turned around.

For a second, as she was catching her own breath, Kotori slid her hand feeling me and a little too far down. And finally, she rested her womanly body on top of me in between my legs that forces them to spread wide just for her and my feet in the air. While she pressed herself onto me as we touched, I saw her scar on her right hip, and it was surreal. But I did not remember to check on her birth mark when she was on her front earlier. With her hand still on me, she kissed me on the lips and made out for a while, having our tongues intertwined. The softness of her lips somehow made me think about a kiss so familiar, but I had no time to do that. Sparks and sensation gone through my body from head to toe, only arousal and lust was in my head. And that my body, at least in this dream, wanted to enjoy this. Only to be distracted as she pushed her fingers inside me.

The only thing I could do was to moan aloud, to the finger play Kotori did as if she knew my body as well as Umi. She was gentle, to the spots I was sensitive, but otherwise pleasantly rough whenever we wanted it – the sweet and loving Kotori was surprisingly eager and stubborn when it came to this. Now she had my breasts sucked but again kissed me when she got bored, and back to my breasts. Her stamina was impressively long and constant, as if racing me to sprint in a marathon, keeping me on my toes and no breaks. Out of breath and winning.

The perfect delight she had given me as a reward, as if for one alike that I had given her earlier and she was just returning the fair play.

Then in the moment for what I felt like I was about to come for the nth time from Kotori's impressiveness, the darkness of dream engulfed me again into pitch dark of lonely night – not knowing if I had come as big.

I fell through a bottomless pit with all reality painted on the walls of it trying to repeat it all, trying to repeat the fall. I felt water. It's damp but toxic, sweet but cursed. A petty little trick dream has got for me.

...

Like a bungee jump, I came back to Kotori.

I woke up. To a reality where clock ticks every second, that gravity falls an apple to the grown, where quick maths adds 2+2 is 4, and that the sun rises from the east.

I was in the train back to Tokyo, at 11:35 AM, wearing clothes. I checked and double checked that this was the reality, one that I could control. On my left, by the window seat, Kotori rested her head on her pillow on the window, wearing a high-waisted denim shorts with a warm blouse tucked in, a decorative bra which straps were tied around her neck, and sunglasses. Her earphones were on.

Thinking she might be sleeping, and as I just seemed to have waken up, I went to the toilet to wash my face, checking if I had done my make-up well or even at all. I felt off balance. My head hurt, did I hit something? Or that last night was a dream. I never remembered I got ready that morning, or even got on the train. _Had I packed everything? Had I paid all the expenses on the Hotel?_ I peeked inside my clothes to find myself wearing a new set of undergarments, one I hadn't worn the days before. I looked into my eyes, and it was me.

As soon as I returned to my seat at the moving train, Kotori pulled out her music and raised her glasses. With a smile she looked at me.

'Good morning, Eli-chan,' she greeted. 'You've slept for quite a while.'

'I guess I have. Where are we, Kotori?'

'About half an hour left I think. What should we do for lunch, by the way? I wonder if Umi is already home and prepared us something.'

'I think Umi will be home in the evening.'

'That's a shame. Should we eat somewhere first, Eli-chan?'

Umi's not going to be back by evening… 'Let's go to the apartment.'

'Sure. We can fix something up, I guess.' Kotori went back to her phone, checking food ideas to cook and their ingredients.

Just like my first night at Nagoya, it was as if nothing had happened. It was as if this Kotori was a persona of her other half.

...

Without a pause or rest, I paced quickly back to the apartment. My sudden act had made Kotori worry for me again, just like how we went out after the meeting at Toyota. Even then, I let my patience out the window, crossing the road so dangerously too. I thought, if I were to confirm it, I just had to do it now.

'Eli-chan, please, why are we in a hurry? You are not that hungry right?' Said Kotori as we landed on the last step for the floor.

'It's okay, Kotori,' I said holding her hand with fingers locking, as we walked the hallway towards my apartment door. 'If I must confront something, I should do it now. That's what you said, right Kotori?'

'Yes. I guess if you should do it now.'

'Besides,' I said still holding her in my hand, while the other unlocking the door, 'Umi isn't home right now.'

'Eli-chan…'

With a single click, the door was unlocked. _Had Umi forgotten to lock it twice?_ I thought. But it didn't matter. I turned around holding onto Kotori's blouse to untuck as I pulled her with me through the door. Hiding her gasp without opposing, she put another hand on her mouth.

Just when I swung the door open, came clinking from the kitchen.

A girl with long dark hair, that was tied to the side for this only occasion, had just finished her lunch and was clearing up.

'Ah! Eli, Kotori! Welcome back!' Umi, my girlfriend, my love, called from the kitchen. 'Come in, come in. I've made lunch for the both of you. I'll be done in a second. You just missed Alisa, but Maki's still upstairs.'

There I stood by the door surprised to see Umi came back so soon, or that she hadn't gone at all that day, but her attire and the half-locked door seemed like she had returned earlier than she predicted. I had not checked my phone in a while, maybe she had texted me or called about it. Then if so I wo–

Suddenly there was a tug on my hand, from one that was holding Kotori's skin under her blouse, touching her just below her fond breast, that I might had or not tender in the confusion. I turned to see a blushed and nervous girl, in panic. Her chests moved noticeably by the way she breathed, and the eyes never been so trembling, doesn't, at all, belong to her. _Who is she?_ 'E-Eli-chan!' She voiced so low trying to fix her bra. 'We can't do this, Umi-chan's home. Please, n-not now, Eli-chan. At least not here.'

...

...

After I let go everyone spent the day in the living room, and she went home by evening.

I continued my life with Umi it was, and so did Kotori.

There were times I had to call and hire her over, especially regarding my first client.

Kotori had grown to the idea of business.

With her fashion line for career, I interested her in a few fields she could develop herself in.

That's where Kotori brought her idea of improving the CSR for my business.

And slowly, she pitched in a soap business under my holding company.

She began to work closer since, as her side job.

...

But I never get to dream about her other half except when I see Kotori…

...

...

And she is the hope that meant to be kept away from the world


	9. I Am Umi's Christmas Present

**I Am Umi's Christmas Present**

Chapter 7

...

 **T** his Ayase girl accepted the twelve hundred per hour for her gig at one of the twelve shopping centres as arranged in the contract by the studio for the release of the upcoming album, stuffed it along with the envelope into her bag's secret pocket just behind her _Brave New World_ , summing a shy of thirty-six hundred worth of performance just before she parted with her friends and headed her way. She's an Ayase after all, whose talent inherited first before beauty even before intelligence, she deserved praise in which she got and lots as she walked passed the crew and volunteering staff. Gifted her priceless smiles too in return, a kind girl indeed. With her she brought the leftover tea drink from before even then she saved some as she was so in love with it ever since Gong Cha exploded the trend of ROYAL THAI TEA, that she had never left one drop before throwing it out (besides the fact that she hates food or drinks gone to waste).

A good little squirrel managed her finance living well on luxury filling her stomach satisfying her tongue at the same time, as well her eyes with the sweater she wore, bought from her own savings even though her mother gave the money for it (sure you would agree from how well she's doing just from a single performance). She was well aware on her family's finance yet she kept her wallet thin. Sure, her mum gives pocket money, _take as much as you needed_ , whenever she was about to leave the house and she always does thinking it would be wrong taking too much just to spoil herself. Taught by her Ayase mum, taught by her Ayase grandma, saving less than 20% would be enough but she taught herself the way around, 80% into her savings and 20% on expenses; such as Gong Cha's ROYAL THAI TEA.

Never asked until offered if she had to. A good girl she was.

The extra tickets to the concert from the booth just by the entrance was in the left pocket. Only because of this October cool she had put her hand in for warmth and never the thought of anything was inside. There were two when she pulled out, untorn, unfolded, untouched. She stopped by the corner of the intersection a block from where she was cheered by her hundreds, puffed her nostrils looking down on her hands. They were meant to be taken by her parents from the booth as they enter but the fact that _she_ had them in _her_ pocket, they never showed up; remembering now the volunteering booth girl, in about her twenties, returned them to her. She knew that to the hour before the stage was hers. _Why bother going home early now?_ She stuffed the tickets back into her jacket now the inner pocket. And she crossed the road to the next block instead of taking that turn.

This was the end of the week for high-schoolers and workers, at beginning of the month meaning wallets fat from payday, in less than twelve hours everyone would start wasting time and cash for that weekend. It came to no surprise the audience and so many of them were still in their formal clothing. Yes, she pays attention to her audience oddly in great detail too. The sky has darkened not yet blinding when you look up because the lights are as intense as the day – and forget about stars, nowadays they've abandoned heaven and walking among people, one was with a white sweater, ask any astrophysicists because these stars shine the brightest. It wasn't a race, if it were she did not intend to win either. Let the Sun finish its marathon across our sky, for hell like she cares, let the Moon start and finish before her.

These types of walks of hers usually led to the bookstores just three blocks away from where she dumped her drink, Komiyama Book Store has always been her favourite even though sometimes she betrayed by going to neighbouring stores even just for a visit. She knew it would be hard to find the next English book there or any other ones for making up the hooking, soon-to-be-finished book in her bag; endings always put her in a bad mood. But she went anyway. The smell of books was like an essential oil to her.

'Finished with the last one, young miss?' the elderly keeper asked. Could have been the most handsome librarian if he meant to but it seems he rather tend his books and do his part in this society, helping hopeless readers like the girl who just walked in.

'Yeah, it would be hard to recover from the last one,' Ayase replied.

'For someone who reads a lot of books, you sure are a little slow.' He shuffled behind the girl, to the rack down the aisle, who was skimming through shelves of local authors which he too joined looking for a good read.

 _You're one to talk, sir! Must've given up the stick when it's gonna be in your way._ In her mind the keeper reminded her of _Mr. Nobody_ as handsome as Jared too – such a great movie that was – and she would kill to see a book as great. 'I would be much faster if there weren't so much distraction.' A few noticeable titles came across her sight a few from great authors but not to fish her yet.

'Work?'

 _No, a matter of family, actually._ She thought and probably would have answered. From words of mothers, honesty should always be the prior but lie never be any less innocent. _You have great collections and hung on the wall in your granddaughter's room, one which she shares with her younger brother, my poster, signed. If it weren't for her I would be blunt to you, it'd be a great shame to see her idol in such complications._ 'That's it exactly,' the girl smilingly answered. _You accompanied her when I signed that poster, why couldn't my parents tonight?_

From between her legs she felt the cat rubbed his body and circled around purring even stepping on her blue adidas NMD's. 'You knew they're busy and probably couldn't make it,' the cat spoke. 'Haughty lil' tot, aincha?' This was Gandhi and he's the wise one, trust me, a regular at the store as well.

'What do you know, _cat_?' stepping away before he dusts more on her shoes as she replied. 'The love you know is whoever fills your bowl and rubs you.'

To this the cat made no answer. However, he lays on the floor and continued to purr. 'I've had enough salt. If you don't mind, I'm just goin' to sleep. Been working all hour, you see.'

'Yeah, how about you do that.'

Not long after she arrived by the other side by international authors of V's. Just a tilt of head for reading the lower levels she got pinned by one. 'Now how about that?' she whispered to herself reading the title the second time, _Cat's Cradle_. She never heard and about the author before but this one was so peculiar she had to take it before the old keeper.

And she paid it using her extra cash from yesterday's. That's 100% into savings so far.

...

Other than the few prospective customers the store was still brightly lit not showing any clue of closure although she knew she probably had made the last purchase for the day, but she hung back anyway. Still in its paper wrapping, the girl put her brand-new book just behind her _Brave New World_. As if she were to read it that way. That was enough to fill her week, and mostly during the weekend since nothing was planned yet, she thought. At the age she was much older. Wiser. Greed is just one of human nature (and some would call it a sin!?) and she would understand it, but this wasn't it. Because feeling her satisfied over the purchase and the extra pocket money, not mentioning the envelope, she walked over to the aisles she had gone just moments ago. Back to where she found the _Cat's Cradle_ , was where she found Gandhi again. So, skimmed through the authors again now through き, け. Skipped a few rows to ちstepping over the stack on the floor. She went too far. Then finally through さ.

Gandhi yawned and lifted his head. 'Now how about that?' mocking at Ayase.

'Oh, shut up,' the girl said, and Gandhi did.

'I doubt if I have to tell you, there are cleverly made novels there,' Jared now level to her eyes. This was the younger version and his voice was new to her at least was not shaky, the handsome one, the young one, a version of the happy endings probably but of course they don't exist – like any of them actually? 'Now here,' the finger even stretched to a particular row, 'I believe you already knew which the best titles are. Without reading summaries or reviews of any you can tell which. You probably have a few of them… kept close above your bedside. By heart you've known them all, haven't you?' He long ago retracted his hand taking a book with it and handing it to the girl. 'How about this one?' He looked as she helped herself from looking as it was flipped through. 'Do you think it's any good?'

It was her favourite. But she put it back where it fit… on the shelf.

...

Business has kept her parents away, not just from her, but as well from each other. It was no bother for them as they have sworn an unpopular oath, yet they had forced her to sign the contract too. She never agreed to this but there she is in the prison for a crime she slowly learns. Business.

The flow of money was alright, as a supplier to a few firms, this makes the flow relatively constant. A few independent purchase orders and projects were made and those overflow the tank sometimes, so drain was made to charity and funding. Instead of hiring a lot of staff and/or increase wages too high, the money was mostly used internally to improve. The tank sure is big, and was growing for some time, but the Ayase's do not enlarge that tank's capacity, instead we build other systems (in this scale of a business, taking few small-medium projects is better than a grand – risk of failure, maintenance or follow-up and especially payment method often are complicated). Say we ever need water for our business, so we make a new line of business under the parent company, that supply us water. Clean and healthy too for the community. The product of the new business does not have to be the water, but the service or method of purifying existing waters. We have the funding and the legal, a few great minds too, all we needed were the extra brain and muscle. It is alright if we had workers with experience, does not have to be the expert, so long there is a place to start growing. So, we hire professionals in these fields to do specific tasks as _their_ side projects. At the end of it all, the business is independent as well as the community. You could say that this business is a service. By having a holding company, positive images and prestige of the well-known parent could bring up the status and development of these starting businesses underneath, as they are being supported by the government and approved quite easily. If any of these smaller ones gain recognition, the parent company is also brought up. Moreover, if bad rumours ever float about these smaller ones, in business perspective, the parent is not touched. That's how the Ayase's gone about their business, and that's Ayase's business tip for you. And it all comes back to her.

None of her parents took a business major, it was only one class one of them attended called CHE5002 Industrial Entrepreneurship and that was enough to inspire and set sail – they don't even know much of business terms and abbreviations, just that they know what is happening. But it reminded her how harsh the storm was at the beginning, not only the start-up but about their marriage too. Before she was born they had to struggle for legal paperwork of their marriage and followed was the struggle for start-up loan. Was she just a bother after all? A snag for what has already been a rough road.

...

Given the nature of the house, people are always busy doing something. And the Ayase girl has homework to do for next week and that kept her another step away from her home.

A café she recognised as she rode the train towards Shibuya was nearby and they had the best curry to her knowledge, at least of all the ones she had tried. Seeing the situation of the people of Tokyo, as she predicted, won't be spending their leisure time at a café so secluded. So, she hung back a little longer on the Line before she hopped off. From there the walk did not take long and used her usual route, skipping all the puddles she remembered. But when did it rain?

The bell rung as she entered through the wooden door with glass tiles. The place wasn't completely empty, but if she were to take people over seats, 3/17 full excluding herself. The atmosphere was calming, and the TV set on the news as always.

'Welcome,' greet the barista in pink shirt over at the counter rubbing his pointy beard on his chin. Behind him a selection of various roasts. 'Ah, it's you again. It's been a while since you came here. How is work treating a high schooler like you?'

'As usual,' Ayase replied with a smile and continued, 'if you don't mind the pun.'

'Right,' the man replied and understood the order. 'And how would you like to go with that curry, miss?'

'I don't have a siphon at home and I'm interested.'

'R-really?!' The man jumped. 'Have you ever had a black coffee before?'

'I said I'm interested.'

'Ha ha. Yes ma'am. Have a seat and I will bring over the plate.'

 _The place wasn't completely empty_ , she thought again as she took a gander. There seemed to be a couple over at her favourite booth. It was perfect with the light, the distance from the kitchen-door-bathroom-TV – no wonder they had chosen that spot. Pretty cramped she thought, and that she had to settle for one by the door; the red light from outside illuminating the "OPEN" sign disturbs but it won't be that bad if she turns to face inwards.

She took a breather before pulling her homework book and pencil bag which she then set aside, and above all else her _Brave New World_ novel, in case she had time to read. But it wasn't her time to do so just yet. The time was for food and the owner walked over to her booth.

'Here you go, miss.' The man placed the plate of curry in front of Ayase, spoon and fork beside it. He then fetched and positioned the glass of water next to them (here, the water was free), not forgetting the chilly powder and ginger. 'Enjoy the meal, and I'll bring the coffee once you've finished.'

She remembered the sacred portions of chilly and ginger that makes the perfect meal divine. Just like that she took spoonful of chicken curry and rice. _Oh, the nostalgia._ The spices and everything in it was hauntingly delicious.

It didn't take long for her to finish the dish and the man came to clear the plate. 'How was the curry?'

'It's heart-warming. Exactly what I needed right now.'

'That is great. Have I ever told you that this curry is my daughter's favourite?'

'It has become mine too. But you've told me that story every time I eat here.'

'Ha ha. Forgive me. Being old means you have an excuse to be forgetful. Let me bring your coffee now.' The man left for her coffee, and he was not that old.

With her stomach full, she took a few breaths of satisfaction. It was a great meal. The tummy is happy.

Over at the next booth the couple rose from their seats. Only then she remembered they were there after all. She knows the couple. The short brunette girl had a talk with her a few months back, the student council president of the school uniform she was still wearing. The tall and slender boy lives here, apparently goes to the same school. However, beyond that she knows nothing, the fact that they were dating.

As they pass the brunette caught her in the eyes. She smiled and gave a small wave before she went ahead. The boy too, opening the door as he led his pretty date probably to the station because he soon came back – one that she just got off from.

...

For someone who likes sweets, never tasted a pure black coffee, she managed to finished half, better than what she expected – although with 2 spoons of brown sugar she had given up the acidic and bitter drink. Now it has been peach tea that accompanied her through her homework. It was physics and she had just started with the first part which was done quite at ease, all she needed was a calculator. The second part however, as she brought closer her unfinished coffee, was a little brainstorming.

The reason she asked for a siphon brew had to do with this homework. She had found it interesting how fluid could flow against gravity. Indeed, for the past half hour she had been spying on the owner and how he had prepared the cup in front of her. It was pretty much basic stuff she observes at her own house whenever someone prepares a cup of coffee, most often it was her mum. Curiosity would have been her name if it weren't the given. Since she was 9 she hung around the kitchen whenever someone was there. _What are they doing?_ always the thought. Occasionally she caught food being prepared, and the other while, art. The passion one takes to prepare a beverage is what people call art, and barista was the artist.

The set-up of this siphon coffee maker was like that of distillation in chemistry class, not to mention her parents' lab at the workshop. The round-bottom flask was filled with water and directly heated to boil. As she thought about it, the water was not needed to be at boiling temperature. In fact, the small burner at the bottom could only take it just a few degrees below boiling. Rising its temperature also increases its pressure. We all know the pressure difference is the driving force of fluid. So, is that how fluid rebels it's gravitational force?

People call this method a vacuum coffee maker. Please. She basically grew up with a scientist and she for hell well knows that is not vacuum. A flask made of a thin pyrex glass like that wouldn't uphold the zero pressure against the atmospheric. Of course, there is still air inside that little flask. The word they are looking for is "closed system" coffee maker, but that wouldn't attract anyone.

Back to the homework. The pressure difference would not be a sufficient explanation. But what else should here be? This made her think to the days she asked her mum about homework, again, whenever she was home, and there were mumbles about partial pressure. There were times when she did not pay the slightest attention when mum went overboard with teaching on the whiteboard at her study. She bet it was one of those times. Was this the right explanation?

...

While her brain was squeezed dry buy the thought, mister barista came over by her booth walking with such style. 'Are you working hard over here?' the man asked with his handsome smile. 'How do you like the coffee? I see you struggled gulping the first two sips.' He ended with a chuckle.

'It was my first coffee. I'm not sure how I should respond to that.'

'First-timers are always the funniest to watch.'

'I am familiar with many variations, but never the pure. Only after a while I begin to taste real coffee.'

'Maybe you'll need more practice to get better at tasting. It's well indeed not tea.'

'True. I bet I wouldn't be able to taste the variance of method or beans just yet.'

With that, the bell rang from the door and came the boy from before.

'Oh, it's you,' the man spoke. 'She was quite lovely the other day. Say, are you dating her? No matter.' The man smiled as he escaped towards the bathroom. 'While you were off with your date I, myself, had a romantic evening with the young lady.' Exits man.

Looking to her right, the boy had already stared back, almost expressionless. 'Are you really his date this evening?' His voice was calm.

'My true date tonight was with this book,' the girl replied petting her novel on her left. 'Are you really _her_ date this evening?'

'It's nothing like that,' the boy replied fixing her glasses. 'My true date is with my bed.'

'Really? You don't strike me as the lazy type.'

The boy was silent but nodding. Now she remembered him as someone with few words, probably conserving energy before that recharge on his bed. That calm yet mysterious expression somehow attracts people, even herself.

'So, if you're not her date,' she broke the silence putting her novel on top of her bag, thinking at the end she might not need it that night, 'would you have a seat?'

And he agreed without a word, as he took the one in front of her. So, she respected the exchange by closing her homework for the night and set it aside while her tea closer. Sitting in that small booth across the boy suddenly felt strange to her, as if they were in the midst of something tangible.

'Now that I think about it,' the girl continued, 'I never really hear you talk since our first date.'

'Because even this is not our first date.'

'What keeps you busy since you've been living alone? I heard a cat is a great cure for loneliness, but I guess your guardian does not have his eye fixed upon you. I wonder how that feels. Have you seen The Lord of the Rings, by the way?'

Swaying his head to his sides was his only response. His curly hair swung along making him more eye-catching than she bet he knew.

'Shame. You should – it's the greatest movie of all time.' Now the girl pulled herself from leaning to sit closer to the table. ' _The Flaming Eye of Sauron_ is the very symbol of power and fear. The all-seeing eye that could pierce through any disguise, masks. And hearts. To the receiving end of that stare, however, is devastating, only few could resist. The few whom has resisted however, even from the enslavement of his rings, brings out their true desires. The Dwarf kings, for example, resisted that temptation and power but their greed, hunger for gold becomes their down-fall.'

To this he made no reply but intently listening, creating silence between them since she was expecting a reply or an indication that she was at his attention. Then he tapped his finger on the table processing it all like a computer asked to render something large until he finally spoke, 'I take it you're a bit of a geek?'

With her glass raised as if giving a cheer she said, 'that, I am. Biggest of them all.' Then she took it for a drink and set it down again. 'Now if, and may I repeat because I _am_ dark and evil, if I were the dark lord and my eye was set on you, what become of you? Will you be enslaved, or will you resist?'

His crossed arms on the table now were raised making a chin-rest with his thumbs, and head down. Quietly and carefully he thought about his next few words for this will define the confidant. And like Barad-dûr, the Dark Tower, she stood stall with gaze concentrated on his desires that pulls him, tempting.

When the boy finally spoke, she crossed her legs and leaned back.

'I want to help people,' he started. 'I cannot resist giving a hand to those who needs it. Defenceless and incapable of their own freedom. I want to free them of their shackles. Ironic, that's how I got here in the first place.' He set his hands down as before. 'People who takes advantage of their power and position to discriminate those below makes me sick. It was as if _their_ desires overrule their own mind and so their soul.'

'The Dark Lord forges rings of power, "Nine for mortal men doomed to die." If I were to grant you a ring, of power, what would you do with it?'

'I will take it to change the hearts of whom are lost.'

'Change of heart, you say?'

The boy nodded. 'I believe when their greatest treasure is taken away from them, from anyone actually, they will have a change of heart. Sometimes they are obsessed over them that they become possessed by their desires, enslaved, as you might call it, _Dark Lord_. But, some other time, they turn mad as they lost their treasure.'

'A forceful act on someone, changing of hearts that is, could not possibly be legal.'

'What do you mean?'

The girl now sat back up and moved her glass to the side. 'You are changing the will of others without their consent, and that is illegal. A tyrant may live in our era resulting great deal of devastation to their people, but killing the lord would still an act of crime, wouldn't it? Even though the intention, and not to mention the effect, is for the better. That is the society we live on. Is it fair? Right now, we say no. But that is because we are the gods of this story. What if we talk about the innocent yet accused. The only people who knows of his innocence is just the two of us. Could we still say the same? Others may say yes. The question and only question now, does the innocent deserve it?'

...

She had paid for the meal and wished the owner her good-bye, not forgetting the compliment. And in her bag was a gift the barista gave, a complimentary, house blend coffee beans for her parents to try (she was pretty sure this was to bait them into visiting the café). It was just past closure, just about time for the second-last train to depart, and the boy walked the girl to the station, just as before but they both knew this was different. At the gates where it was still brightly lit they stood facing each other.

'Whatever you are doing,' the girl said, 'be careful what you desire. Be mindful of Justice: you're wanted for murder.' The girl paused to look at the boy's widened eyes. 'For the sake of my analogy, let's assume you did it. They want to take you back to Diet to stand trial for murder. And, if, you're found guilty, the member of Diet will hang you in the town square. And as the hangman, I will perform the execution. And if all those things end up taking place, that's what civilized society calls Justice. However, if the relatives and loved ones of the person you murdered were outside this station right now, and after busting down those gates, they dragged you out into the snow, and hung you up by the neck… that would be Frontier Justice. Now, the good part is it's apt to be wrong as right.'

'Not in your case,' said the black cat. 'In your case, you are only accused. But other people, maybe not so much.'

'But ultimately,' she continued, 'what's the real difference between the two? The real difference is me. The Hangman. To me, it doesn't matter what you did. When I hang you, I will get no satisfaction from your death. It's my job. I hang you at Diet, I move on to the next town, I hang somebody else there. The man who pulls the lever that breaks your neck will be a dispassionate person. And that dispassion is the very essence of justice. For justice delivered _without_ passion, is always in danger of not being justice.'

And the boy got what she meant.

Before they parted ways, before she left for the gates, the girl moved closer to the boy. It has been nice talking to him and that cleared her mind for the better, and she told him and thanked him. She wished to see him again, have a chat again, maybe a proper conversation without imagery and personification, and a date. It does not have to be at the café, with the owner smirking while reading paper with eye-holes staring. And the boy wished the same. For a few times they met, this had been the most progressive. To end that wonderful date, the boy leaned and gave the girl a quick kiss on the cheek, before waving good-bye's.

She took the train that just arrived no longer than a minute ago, continued the Ginza Line from Shibuya to exchange to Oedo Line at Aoyama-itchome Station (she would have taken the Hanzomon Line, or Yamanote to Namboku Line, but those were scheduled with longer transit). That summed up to two hundred eighty as she exits the Azabu-jûban Station since this was not her commuting route to school.

The walk to her home was lit, to an upper-class residential area, and she had no concern of getting lost. There are a lot of parks around, shrines and nice people living there – for which her parents love.

That walk made her think things over. From the start of this story to now. About the tickets, the ones in her inner pocket. About the books on the shelf, and Gandhi the Cat. About business, and the flow of money. About Siphon, of how fluid rebels against fate. About justice and frontier justice. And about that boy and that kiss.

Her feet walked her body and her train of thoughts had brought herself to its final stop, across the garden to over the mat of the Ayase's, in front of a single house they had moved in not too long ago, when she started her first year. Beyond that door she knows her home well, how it looks inside even before the door was opened. She pulled her key from the inner pocket of her bag easily from its keychain – a small, white, masquerade mask with feathers on its side and few stranding ribbons; one that was handcrafted.

'I'm home,' Ayase called to the empty entrance-hallway. The house was still dimly lit as if people of the house still walks around in it at the hour. On her left as she put her shoes away, a writing that still smells quite fresh that spelled, "Congratulations on your 3rd Live!" Before she could do anything else, footsteps grew louder over the corner of the hall. _Is it the maid? Considering how late it is, she would have already been asleep, having to prepare tomorrow's breakfast and everything else._ But it wasn't her. To the girl it came to a surprise.

'Welcome home, dear,' I said to the girl. ' _A little late_ , said the white rabbit. Don't you think?'

'Sorry for being late, mum.' The girl came closer. 'You must understand how I feel.'

'And I do, and I was worried. But I cannot blame you for you are, after all, a little like me.'

'I'm more like you than you think, you know.' The girl smiled at the woman. 'And I realise how selfish I am, I'm sorry for reacting this way. I should've said something and return earlier. Was your flight pleasant?'

'Yes,' I replied pulling her to the living room. 'A little turbulence but nothing too serious. An old friend at Nagoya pulled a few strings to get me into business class, and I'm glad I took it for that long on a single flight! So, if you ever wanted to come along for a trip I might have to convince her to pull a few more threads.'

'That's unnecessary, and you know that.' She took her favourite spot on the sofa and sat down after setting aside her bag, while I sat at the other corner. 'You've earned that, and you should be enjoying it. I'll enjoy them as much when I earn as much.'

With a chuckle I replied, 'Хорошо. Then if you ever wanted to start a business, you know where to propose a loan.'

'I'll keep that in mind.'

'Are you going to talk about the performance?'

'I want to share so badly, but if it's alright with you, I'd like tell you tomorrow. First thing in the morning.' She smiled. 'I've had a long day and a long walk, I would like to rest for the night.'

'I'm sensing the boy finally made a move. Why won't you tell me his name?'

'Stop it, mum. It's nothing like that.' She spoke with a blush. 'Because your secretary is a scary woman and amazing tracing up people. I don't want any spoilers or narration over my story.'

'I have to agree, Aunt Kotori is very good at her job, though you still have to clue me in! I kept pestering her, but she's on your side, she won't tell me much. It seems that the two of you have ganged up on me.'

The girl chuckled. 'And that's why I like her, just as much as Aunt Nishikino. Why don't we have them over again tomorrow?'

'Sure, if that's what you wanted. You either text them tonight, or call in the morning – Aunt Kotori is pretty jetlagged as I am. And the last time I checked with Nico, Aunt Maki and your cousin should be free the whole week.'

'Then why not the whole party?'

'That's what I'd like too. But we are not all at the same place now. They're the best I could do for you.'

'That's fine for now, thanks. So, are you still up because of the game?'

'No, I was waiting for you. And look, we already lost in the quarter-finals, you don't have to rub it in.' From the end table of that sofa, beside the standing lamp I picked up the present. 'Here, it's for you. I picked up one at the airport where they sell books. I once had a copy, but it was ruined because of heavy rain in 2018. But this one is yours.'

She then reached the book, but I did not let it go.

'Mum?' she said as she tugged.

'Простите, вы что-то сказали?'

'Uhm,' she started. 'Thank you.'

But I still wouldn't let go. 'You have to start using it, and you know it's going to become handy!'

'When?' she protested. 'You're the only Russian I know, besides aunt Alisa. Whom, by the way, you sent to Osaka for another business you are starting.'

'I'm still not hearing it.'

The girl paused taking a breath before that teenage-emotional-phase exhale. 'Спасибо.'

And I finally let go of the book as I stroked the long, dark hair on the girl's head. She smiled with her blazing eyes of eagerness on that book. Her whole beauty reminds me of my love, and how much I missed _her_ , as sure as much as this girl. With my arm I brought her closer and put her at my embrace. I looked and played with the one ring on my finger, with the head I held drear and so close to my heart, the daughter of my wife. 'Mother's coming before Christmas. We should plan an outing together when that day comes.' The girl hummed in agreement. 'So why don't you take a bath before you ring her. She worries and expects a call.'

'I will, mum.' She let go and kissed me before she left for her room.

'Oh, by the way,' I called to the girl, 'be sure you tell her you love her, по-русски.'

As if I pulled another parental string on her, she expressed her exhaustion through another sigh. 'Good night, mum.'

'Good night, _Miyu Sonoda_.'

* * *

END


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